Boyfriend admitted that he never wanted to date me, but didn't want to stop being around me?

I met this guy back in December and we've been talking since then. In January after we both returned to school from winter break (we're both in college), he asked me what we were relationship wise and I told him I figured we were dating and trying to get to know each other before we decided to make it exclusive. After that he ignored me for the rest of the month. I didn't hear from him until the beginning of Februrary. He apologized for pushing me away. I accepted the apology and we continued from where we left off but I wasn't sure what to expect. He asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend and I said yes even though I probably should have said no. I guess I was excited because he actually liked me.

Now a month later we just broke up because he told me that he never wanted to date me. This came from me telling him our communication sucked and that we really need to work on it. That's when he told me. He said that he always wanted to be friends but didn't know how to tell me. He also said that he didn't want to stop being around and wanted to remain a part of my life so he felt obligated to ask me out.

I don't know what to do or think. This was my first relationship ever and now I find out that the whole time it wasn't even real. I told him that, that he was a waste of time and that we shouldn't hang out or see other anymore period. He got pissed and didn't understand why we had to stop being friends or seeing each other. The whole time I treated it as a real relationship while he was pretending the whole time, and he didn't care. My feelings were and still are real and he doesn't care. He didn't lose anything, so he doesn't have a reason to be upset. Thank god we never had sex (I'm still a virgin). All of this happened through text, and he still has to come by to drop off this money he owes me. Should I even bother to listen to his explanation? Should I even give him a chance to let him be my friend? Do I even count this as a relationship, even if it wasn't real?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • "Does it count as a relationship?" It's something that you felt strongly about, so it counts for you.

    "Should I even give him a chance to let him be my friend?" You don't think he's a nice person, so why would you want to be friendly with him? So I think no. He's upset because you called him out for being a jerk and his anger is a defensive reaction because he is unable to even consider the possibility that he behaved badly. He sounds extremely insecure to me. You are lucky you didn't get any more involved with him. Now you know the warning signs and can avoid guys like him.

    And no, he doesn't have to "come by" to drop off the money he owes you. If you have bank accounts he can use paypal or google wallet to send you money, or he can just push an envelope under your door with a check or cash.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I see so much of my story in yours. I was friends with this guy for a year. Net him when I was 21 and I had never been in a relationship and I really liked him. We had a real connection but maybe it wasn't romantic.

    he asked me to be his girlfriend and he broke up with me 3 months later and still maintains that he loves me. I truly believe he cares. I could bet a lot on that.

    its honestly not a nice feeling, you ask yourself what you lack that others had that he had wanted. I know. But that's life hey. You win some you loose some. Just take your time to heal from it. And tell yourself that if he felt no rush to snatch you up then he wasn't the guy for you right now.

    one day you will want someone who will choose to be with you and stay. Until then take it one day at a time and if you need your space then take your time. He may have not meant to hurt you but you are hurt unfortunately. Of you end up friends again then great, if you don't then itl be what's best for you. Either way it is an experience... One of the many experiences you will have in life.

    I really can relate and I hope you will be okay and find someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 8

  • in my opinion, he liked you as more than just a friend but just didn't click romantically [I have a female friend who's close to me that way.. way more than simple friends, but not romantically attracted to each other at this moment].

    You liked him that way and he convinced himself that going out with you maybe would spark an interest on his side. But later on found out it wouldn't.

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  • I think you could do with having a discussion in person. Texts are so easily misread and you can only really communicate about such sensitive matters in person.

    However if you are certain its leading nowhere, there is little point thinking about him any more.

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  • Sounds like you were taken advantage of to be honest. I think he played on your desire for a relationship, and was able to swindle you out of some money. I would be surprised if he actually pays you back. Also, he wants to be friends, and continue to see you, but not actually date you. That sounds like an attempt to set up a friends with benefits scenario to me, but you did say you didn't sleep with him so that's good. Sometimes you have to use your head over your heart.

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  • A lot of guys have the mentality that you can't be friends with a girl without being in a relationship with her, unless you're gay or bi. Give him a break. I think it's a bigger deal to shoot someone down for trying to be friendly (what you're doing) than to misjudge a relationship (what he did). Maybe he just wanted to try the relationship out and see how it went. A lot of temporary relationships go that route anyway.

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    • Especially since you never had sex. In that case there would be more intimate trust being broken.

  • Women, in this sense, are either black or white about it.
    You are either friendzoned or get full access.

    Men like company, contact, touch, empathy and love: even though you might only be a friend.

    But hey... your a woman. You will never understand this.

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    • Seriously? So by flirting or accidental touching we can not GUESS that someone likes us?

    • Men dont burn their brains out over analyzing things.
      We use our brains mostly to get SHT done.
      So, accidental touching or flirting can be sign of closeness, but it doesn't mean he my LIKE LIKE you.

      Men are hard wired to like women. All women.
      Some men (mua) are not that relaxed about it, but a lot are.

      Seriously, Tom Cruise would bang a chubby chick if she was sworn to secrecy.
      That doesn't mean she has his heart.

      Hey, I have a girl who I hang out with. She's my friend because we can talk about everything and, most importantly, we are there for each other when it matters.
      Would I bang her? Yes. I've done it plenty of times.

      Does that mean Im going to marry her? Nope.
      But I love her very much. She is super special to me.

      So, your man loves you, but I doubt he is IN LOVE with you.

      Big difference.

  • It sounds like he just wanted to be friends with benefits as in he just wanted you for sex hook ups and that's it. Just let it go your feelings for him will eventually die have him still bring the money he owes and just talk to him like everything is cool and once he brings the money just say okay bye.

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  • No, no, and no. I think I answered them all.

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  • maybe ur just friends

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What Girls Said 11

  • He never wanted to date you but asked you to be his girlfriend anyway even though you had already forgave him and continued to talk to him?

    https://imgflip.com/s/meme/Jackie-Chan-WTF.jpg

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  • Since there been all this turmoil over what you guys were, I'd say no to friendship. No friend would disappear for a month after hurting you. No friend would make you feel like your feelings don't matter. No friend would lie so that they could keep getting what they wanted from you. Friendships and romantic relationships take 2. This guy is too selfish for either.

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  • Wow he a jerk I'm sorry you went through you probably now have a bad impression on relationships because of him. Honestly did he really hurt you thou? if he really hurted you then you shouldn't be friends if you can't handle it but if your over it its whatever then its your choice to be his friend but honestly I don't think you should because what he did was horrible I wouldn't forgive someone that easily.

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  • this is what happened to me apart from he just asked me out and we weren't 'dating' we were in a relationship. another thing that was different was that I DID loose my virginity to him and I told him LOADS about my past because he said he was interested and wanted to help me get through it

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  • He's playing you. He's not worth your time. The only reason he wants to be around you is because he wants to be with other girls while still getting attention from you. Maintain your dignity and lose him. He doesn't deserve your company if a relationship is what you want

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  • That's just an ass move... he just led you on to keep you around him, that's not a great thing to do... he just hurt you without a care, he just doesn't seem to have any respect for you at all... this definitely isn't even dating... he feels nothing for you but just "dated" you and asked you to be this gf to keep you around? what is wrong with him? lol, i don't think you should be friends wth him because for you it would never be friends, he's just going to keep messing you about all just keep you around, he sounds like he's just doing it because he feels lonely but he can't pretend to like somebody to just keep him company... he really has no clue lol.

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  • Wherher it "counts" as a relationship or not is kind of irrelevant. What difference does it make how it is classified? Like, do you need to decide if it was a relationship or not because you are keeping count?

    What matters now is that it is over. You ask what you should think. He has told you point blank. He didn't really want/like/love you but just kept you around selfishly.

    So one thing is plainly obvious - this guy is not friend material, let alone boyfriend material. He's selfish, he's a liar and he's immature. Do you even need a friend like that? Do you need someone like that in your life? Nope. There are 7 billion people in this world. Find a better "feiend."

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  • No, you can't be friends with someone who you have feelings. He broke your heart, and I do think think you'd want to stay friends with someone who didn't care enough for you because if he really really was ur close friend, he would never even approach you in that way because their always afraid that they will fuck up their friendship with you. He knew you well, then why would he do that? After all, he was ur friend right? Now he ruined your friendship, what done is done. You wouldn't want to be updated with what's new in his life. And how happy he is without you being by his side.

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  • Been there, don't become his friend, he is a liar, he told u he liked u and asked u to be his gf, now he says he lied. Listen to all he says, because texts are never enough in such occasions, u have to see if he is really sorry or just playing you, but either ways, don't become his friend because he will hurt you more, trust me.
    And it was a relationship if u call it one, but u don't wanna ruin your first relationship, then yoy can count it as a fling, but in my opinion it still counts as a real relationship

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  • I'd say let him go

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  • I feel after that month of no communication you shouldn't have went back to him anyway

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    • Nope its good that she explored it so she could see how it ends... And such is lice

    • Such is life

    • Yeah I agree. Always good to try and find out it's not what you want then to just stifle yourself just so you can say you don't care.

      Hard earned Mistakes we can learn from are much more important than technically doing the thing you probably should do before you've actually learnt what that is:)

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