Gagers, the day has finally come... :/?

I guess we all knew this day was coming... right?

It feels so out of the blue, though. He texted me. Saying he thinks he wants to take a break and see how he does without me. That if things don't change then he'll leave.

Then he said he wouldn't leave me. Because he just couldn't.

Apparently he's been feeling this way for a long time, but never told me, despite me asking. I'd always had a feeling.

I'm heart broken. I knew it wasn't good, but I didn't know he thought it was bad enough to think about leaving.

I guess I feel betrayed. I don't want to lose him, but I don't know how I can go on being with someone that's not sure about us.

If he really loved me, he wouldn't be thinking this, right?

Please, some words of advice.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I've seen some of your questions and it's obvious you've worried this would happen for a long time. He does seem to have treated you poorly for a while and it seems like it could only have gotten worse.

    I'm sorry but imho, you're better off. You might not feel like it now but at least you can try and move on now.

    • I know. I'm just really devastated. It's so hard because the only person that I want to talk to is him. And I can't

    • I understand. Well... actually I don't.
      I've said to you that I've never been in a relationship which is why I was always reluctant to tell you what to do in your situation. But it seemed obvious that this was always going to end and you seemed to acknowledge it too.

      You're a good person and deserve better. Hopefully now you can move on to better things and better people.
      If you ever want to talk, you can message me.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I would definitely find out WHAT is making him feel this way. I do not understand why people think it's better to suffer in silence in their relationship while leaving their partner ignorant... and then spring it on them later.

    It's NOT a good idea and can usually lead to resentment, cheating, or what's happened to you.

    He needs to put his feelings into words. "What" needs to change? The relationship isn't good "why"? It seems clear to me that he cares for you deeply and doesn't want to leave you.

    And no, he can think things like this and still love you. It happens to women all the time and can happen to men as well.

    • I mean, he told me what's wrong. It's just upsetting because his problems are the ones that I've been openly trying to fix between us for at least the past 6 months. When I asked if he felt the same, he said no. It just hurts to know he was lying. I don't get how when I have grievances, nothing changes, but when he does, it's grounds for breaking up?

    • Hmm. That seems like a very one-sided relationship and selfish. Your voice counts as well. I can understand your being hurt and I hope you brought up this issue.

      If he doesn't believe your "issues" are as big as his, he needs to get a clue. They may be different issues but both are important.

    • They were the same issues. That's what makes me so mad.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 7

  • I thought this relationship was abusive? Be glad it's done!

    I know it's a little sad because now you're shaken out of your comfortable routine, but seriously, be glad.

    This is the same dude that always wanted to have rough sex (even if you didn't want to), would take these behaviors outside of the bedroom and call you "cunt" in public?

    Lesson well learned! Be free!

  • Y'now people change quite often from ages 16-23, this change might be for the better. It's a learning experience for the both of you.

  • He's clearly uncertain, since he immediately told you he didn't want to leave.
    The most important thing will be to talk to him, and ask specifically what makes him uncomfortable and uncertain.
    That's certainly the key to the door... than it will be up to you as a couple to sort things out.
    Thumbs up it gets a happy end. Difficult times are a fact in every relationship but my feeling says you can solve this situation!

    • No, he broke up with me yesterday.

    • So sorry to hear. I've never been in such situation but I know what missing friends feels like... feel with you :-)
      You'll have to get over it, give it a few days. And grab some fresh air, that generally helps when feeling bad.

  • I am sorry to her this. Yeah I think he wants a change and he loves you but its not the same love you once had. I think that he said that he is almost using you. Making you the "Safe Bet" If I don't find any better I guess I'll stay. That's what I get from it. I think its time to move on. You have been with him for 3 years if I remember correctly. Otherwise I am afraid he will play with your feelings

  • Came here thinking I'm going to find out about some GAG event that had finally arrived. Was disappointed.

  • Your still young. Trust me, this is a good thing for you. Let me ask you this, did you see yourself spending the rest of you life with him? I know it hurts right now. And I wish I could give you a hug. But you'll see, this is a good thing :)

    • I did. It just sucks because now I don't know where we stand. We're in some weird limbo.

    • Show All
    • No, he said he's changed his mind and he wants to stay and try to make things work. He's just afraid they won't.

    • See, that's not good. Either he wants to be with you and do what it takes to work, or he doesn't. No relationship is guaranteed to work but both parties need to be will to give it their all.

  • Aww, it's alright @prettykangaroos , there are plenty of fish in the sea. Maybe you'll get someone to buy you a skyline. :) You never know.


What Girls Said 4

  • Relationships are meaured by the bad times, not the good. So if either one of the couple feel they need a break, then the relationship is really over. The only way to make relationships work is by both people communicating with each other, and coming to a mutual agreement about any issues within the relationship.

  • Unfortunately it happens to the best of us. Be thankful and move on. You didn't seem very happy with him anyways. You are still so young, go and enjoy life with friends and get to find yourself. I am just finding myself all over again after 12 years with someone. If he's not sure about it then he's not worth it. Any man that loved you would not hesitate to be with you

  • It's a tricky situation, but it doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't love you. Something is making him feel like that tho. You guys obviously aren't on the same page. Have you tried sitting down and having like a heart to heart to try getting to the bottom of what exactly is going on?

    • He told me yesterday there was another girl in the picture. I'm just so devastated

    • Wow, that's not cool at all. But if I'm not mistaken, you weren't very happy with him. You don't need to be with someone who has one foot in and one foot out of the relationship. You deserve better than that. Of course it's going to hurt right now, but in the long run I think you'll feel better.

  • You guys are both young and doing different things.

    I think he lost that excitement for you.


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