My long-time ex who I'm still in love with recently died, or did she?

I'd been with this girl, let's call her M, for many years. She helped me out of a difficult part of my life when I quit my job (there was a bit of a conflict of morals with my employers) and got me an amazing position working in the same company as her. It was great for a while, but once we broke up (she left me) it was really awkward seeing her around the office. It seemed like she still loved me, but there was something stopping her from being with me. It was so painful, I couldn't bear being around her constantly, but not being with her.

Things got better for a while, we tended to bond over taking the mick of this dick in the office. It felt good to be friends with her. That was, until, she died. I won't go into details about her death, it's a little too painful to take reliving. I keep hearing vile rumors that her death was staged or something equally ridiculous, it's common place in a large office like ours for gossip to spread.

I've been off on sick leave for a few months now, I suffered serious damage to my body in an accident. In honesty, I'm a tough guy, well build and around 6'3''. I can deal with the pain from my injuries for sure, I've been ready to return to work for a while now. I just can't...not with her gone forever. I'll never even know why, when she clearly still loved me, she couldn't be with me.

All I do now is sit around my apartment working out for hours, smoking cigarettes and drinking black label.

What should I do? How is a guy meant to deal with this kind of pain? How can I ever move on? Should I trust the rumors?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Sorry to hear about the tragic loss. I can't relate to your exact situation, but like any loss I think the most common way to deal with the pain is to just give it time. Time will heal.

    Apart from this, try to spend time with friends and family and spend time enjoying yourself. If you enjoy working out and drinking from time to time so be it. But it would probably be wise to cut down on the drinking and smoking..

    Basically try to keep yourself busy, return to work if you can, it will help you. You also won't be the only friend she had there, so you could even relate to others about her loss.

    As for the rumours, don't even listen to them. Starting to ponder such things are true, coupled with the grief of losing someone close can really lead down a rocky road.

    • I've got a few friends I could see, though many I haven't seen in many years. This event has made me much more introverted of late, I really should get out. I actually got off the phone with boss recently, he desperately needs me back to work, there is a crisis in the office. I accepted. Maybe a club is good place to socialize? I may have to go to one with work soon anyway.

      Thanks for the advice, I'm not going to listen to these wild conspiracies.

    • Thanks for the mho. Yeah something like a club would be a good idea, anything to get you speaking to people and give you the chance to enjoy yourself a bit more. Time flies when you are having fun so that definitely should help.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I think that in order to move on, you might need to find a new workplace. A place where you won't be constantly be reminded of her. She would want you to live your life to the full, so you should try to do this, even if it is just for her. I suggest that you seek some grief counselling, or support group. Good luck.

    • I would struggle to find any other work in my state, though my job sends me around the world a lot, so at least I won't be stuck in the office down from hers...

      Support groups really aren't my thing, but thanks for the advice.

  • Well, this is a very tragic ending sorry for your lost :(


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