What's the First Thing You'd Do If You Found Out Your Partner was Cheating?

What's the First Thing You'd Do If You Found Out Your Partner was Cheating?

  • Confront them immediately
    Vote A
  • Shame them on social media
    Vote B
  • Destroy their belongings
    Vote C
  • Empty joint bank account
    Vote D
  • Confront their lover
    Vote E
  • Catch them in the act
    Vote F
  • Break up and walk away
    Vote G
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Updates:
Update: After lots of votes and really interesting comments, GaGers have had their say on cheating! A great majority, a whopping 74% would either confront their partner immediately or break up and walk away. A notable 10% would try to catch them in the act. The stats reveal that not many want to waste their time and energy on an unfaithful partner, and have the ability to deal with the situation straight on, or have the courage to walk away. Thanks for all your votes!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • lol nothing, no explanation, she will just never fucking see me again. boom, im audi 500.

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    • yep right on no need to waste a breath or a moment when its not even worth it.

    • Show All
    • Are you afraid?

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 141

  • considering I've been cheated on twice I do have solid experience.

    both times once I found out I immediately confronted the person.

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    • ooh sorry for that , it must has really affected your self-steam , did you break up both times? could you move on easily?

    • sorry for the late response I've been dealing with a bunch of stuff recently.

      did I break up both times? Yes. Although both times briefly I wondered if we cold stay together but I could never see the person again. I couldn't trust them

      Could you move on easily? The first time yes. I was in college and my gf or ex was in school about 100miles away so it was already long distance. I was able to just keep myself very busy. The second time not easy. I was deeply in love and had even bought an engagement ring. It took me maybe 2 months to be able to get on with my life and about a year to fully get over the girl.

  • What you can do? Take the responsibility, wish her good and say good bye. Take the positive memories with you and leave the bad one behind. Never ever carry a hatred. Its like a poison you would drink and expect other person dies from it lol.

    Man, just say fuck it, all is well lol

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  • #1 First of all D.
    Usually, I won't have joint bank account but if I do then I'd take all the money.

    #2 Then E
    He'd learn an unforgettable lesson.

    #3 Then kind of A
    She needs to learn it too.

    #4 Finally G
    Likely story.

    ----------> What we have learned? <-----------

    ●Don't shame them on social media. You won't get anything out of it. Plus, you'd risk yourself being labelled as cyber bully

    ●Don't destroy their belonging. Use them. Why waste/destroy your property.

    ●Catch them in act is time consuming.

    ●Empty bank balance. Hell yeah. Best thing you could do.

    ●Confront, only if possible.

    ●Don't give her second chance. Break up. Why give a second chance to a cheater while someone better is waiting for their first chance.

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  • If she was living in my house I would probably come home early that day. Get her bags pack everything up for her, put her bags out on the driveway and then wait for her to come home. After she came home I would grab her car keys take my house key off her key ring and go back inside while I was telling her there's all your stuff and to leave and never come back. That is what I would feel like doing.

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  • Voted F - but it would be conditional that I lacked undeniable evidence. Otherwise, I would probably confront them directly - but I believe that part of trusting a partner is thinking the best, and not leaping to conclusions, so I would want to be as sure as possible. I take marriage very seriously, and believe in forgiveness and reconciliation, and I would be open considering a healing process. However, while I give forgiveness freely, trust must be earned- so it would take some time to rebuild that trust. Being married, keep in mind I don't treat my relationship lightly- for life means for life for me- so I'm not going to cut and run. It is important to understand -why- it happened - and what is love worth if it runs away because of a mistake? Now a -series- of continued mistakes is different.

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  • I'd pretend I didn't know, and slowly start packing my things and ensuring that my escape is efficient and orderly (while claiming the most valuable split assets among us)

    Then I'd find another girl, and let's just say I wouldn't try very hard to NOT get caught. The climax is when she sees us, I dont give a fuck, and I disappear into the night.

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  • **************

    If a girl ever cheats on me I'm going to invite her to a romantic candle lit dinner in a secluded area. Then I'm going to tell her stories about how i killed my ex girlfriend in the woods because she cheated on me. Then I'm going to point to some trees off in the distance and say "Actually those woods right over there". Finally I will blow out the candles and laugh.

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  • I always figured I would just disappear. I would wait until she is at work or something, pick up all my stuff and leave. No facebook, no texting, no calling. She knows what she did wrong, she does not deserve closure.

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  • WHEN I WAS YOUNG - I would then walk away from her (I have done so). If she is cheating, I would then believe that she does not think I am enough. Since I have always been one to give woman 100% of my time and affection, if she went elsewhere, I would say she was not worthy of someone like me. Now, if I was married, I would try to find out why before walking away because there would be a lot more at stake (I do not mean money). But if she was just "bored" then, I walk.

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  • Vote 'F' - do nothing unless it's relevant. I don't believe in breaking up or destroying anything or anyone just because they indulged in having sex with someone other than me. That is a basic & natural thing to happen.

    I'd however, leave & keep a watch if her intentions were malicious

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    • Thats so beta, how could you be ok with that

    • Show All
    • Your so cool!

  • We aren't monogamous beings who are perverted into seeing other people. We are polyamorous beings who make a great deal of effort to remain with a single person.

    So depending on the situation, I might consider the possibility of trying out a group relationship. (Different from an open relationship.) But that depends on factors like scarcity, her attitudes towards sex, and if this hinders my sex life.

    See, the big thought that pisses me off is the idea that I'm the one stereotyped for being a man and therefore "sex-obsessed", yet the moment she wants sex, she has it with some OTHER GUY? Not only that, but she is effectively playing on the fact that sex is easier for women to get, whilst using me to prevent herself from having to call herself single. Nope. Bye.

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  • I voted "A".

    More specifically, I would punch her right in the face. I won't put up with a cheater for too long!

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  • I'd ask why I wasn't trusted enough to be consulted, the realize that trust is key, n probably leave.
    If I found out while hammered, I'd just wonder why I wasn't involved, then we'd work out a re-negotiation...

    :))

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  • Take it on the chin. Don't even bother to confront them. You will only end up adding to your own pain. Just walk away and hold your head up high. When you are alone, or better still, with someone you trust 100%, let the tears come. That's the first part of the healing process.

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  • It is pathetic that people would do any of the things you post other then just leave. It is a weak and really uneducated person that would do anything like damage their things or steal money. Why lower yourself to their level. Those things are usually done by people who are young and not mature enough to handle a real relationship and the consequences.

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    • Well said, mon ami!! Just walk away and never look back over your shoulder!!

  • Joint bank account? If I had a joint bank account with her, rest assured, I would be 99% positive that I won't have problems with that person.

    If she did cheat on me, I would just stop and think for a brief moment " what the hell has she been wasting my time for just to fuck it all up now". It makes no difference, the deed would have been done so it's curtains for her.

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  • If I lived with her... have her bags at the door and ready for when she came in. I would then find the hottest girl that I could and ask her to do me a favour and teach my ex a lesson and just sit on the couch when she got home so she can see "who I am with" hahaha. Then say adios babe don't let the door hit your ass on the way out!

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  • I deserve an explanation. She deserves to know that she's busted. I need to know his end game. I need to warn her -and him- how that end game could be their undoing. Beg them to heed the warning. Then make myself scarce. At that point, it needs to be about principles, not about how I feel.

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  • Catch them in the act then break up and move on. I would want to be sure of what I suspected , then I would feel justified in calling I over

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  • Id sleep with that person one last time and then break up with them like a boss.
    " I really do enjoy are time together but I'm looking for someone with experience so I'm sorry for doing this but we're gonna have to let you go." "Thank you for your services have a great day!"

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    • This. When I found out she was cheating I had the most brutal sex with her ever. Deepthroating, slapping and cumming on her face and hair. When I was done I told her I knew everything and threw her ass on the street with my sperm all over her. It felt right. It must have been great to ride a bus with a load on her head.

    • Wow that's brutal, keep up good work haha

  • Confront and break up. No explanation is needed, it's over.

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  • Break up and walk away. Anything more than that and it's no wonder you can't maintain a relationship you fucking psycho.

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  • Freak out, get mad, yell and cry a lot, have a nervous breakdown, smash my head against the wall yelling why over and over again, get kicked out of the apartment building by police, get drunk and stumble around down town Toronto and while slurring words like, "She'll fucking cheat... she's a fucking whore... they all are buddy", to any guy who walks by with his girlfriend, before taking the box of empties and throwing the bottles at her window from the street. Then while yelling and crying about how much I still love her and want to forgive her and just get back together. Some pleading on my knees and more sobbing before I threaten to stab people who tell me to shut up then get picked up by cops and spend the night in jail. Then cry the whole way on my bus ride home the next day and facebook stalk her for the next five years of my life and then take it out on every other woman I meet by being shallow, sexist or misogynistic.

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  • Dump them. Then go through the process of grief ! Depression heart break etc and try to hold it together. That's if I thought I loved the cheating piece if shit to begin with. Likely did.
    I've been there. Cheating bitch of a2 year relationship I found out was cheating all that time.
    Know how bad that feels? Really tears a guy up.

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  • I went through the scenario eight years ago, I caught my wife in bed with another man. Instead of losing my mind and doing something I would go to jail for. I took a step back, thought about how I should react. Set her down like an adult, told her it is over. She soon moved in with this man. They are both in prison now for dealing drugs. I have remained single all this time. Being faithful and loyal to your partner is extremely important. If you cannot do this, do not get married. Currently I'm still looking for my true love!

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  • when my ex was cheating on me i saw the guy she was sleeping with on a night out and beat the living sh*t out of him.

    Should I have done it? probably not, violence usually doesn't solve anything, but they stopped seeing each other after that.

    Was the night in a cell worth it? yes.

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  • Only way for a woman to 'cheat' on me in a relationship is for her to not tell me she's sleeping with someone else. I'm perfectly fine if she were to get laid by another guy, as long as she gives me the same freedom.

    If she didn't tell me then it's the 3 strike rule.

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  • You can't confront someone with out solid evidence.
    Either by picture/video or my phone/text records.

    Any level headed person would not blowup, get physical or be verbally towards the cheating partner. Yet you show no emotions or anger to the other person and be civilized by showing them the proof you have.

    Make arrangements to become separate with no means of violence or show of hatred. For only the people who are not living amongst the level of a cheater shall stand tall and walk toward a new path of a brighter relationship.

    But before that, you can always her friends and family members what they did to you and humiliate him or her LOL!

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  • When my ex told me she had been cheating on me for months I honestly did not believe it at all. But the first thing I wanted to do was ask questions. I had to know who what why... And mostly what she felt was wrong with me and why she did not just break up with me before going after some one else

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  • Assuming my girlfriend is cheating with another guy:

    1) Find out who he is
    2) Become his friend
    3) Propose to girlfriend
    4) If yes, ask guy to be my best man
    5) Get married
    6) During dinner, stand up to speak
    7) Tell everyone what they have been doing and file for divorce

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What Girls Said 134

  • One time, I dated a guy (who I didn't live with) and when he informed me that he was with someone else, I had all his stuff sitting in my apartment. I'm talking super nice quality clothes. I put them all in a box and donated them to a men's shelter. I still smile thinking of all those homeless men who went from rags to wearing designer sweaters thanks to one stupid guy. When he asked me where his stuff went, I cheerfully told him he was good enough to donate it all.

    Another time, a guy had been fishing all over the internet on dating and sex sites behind my back. It wasn't hard to get in to his email, so I went on to all of the sites, changed his preference to "looking for men" changed his name to something hilariously disgusting like: IHaveHerpes, and added a title like, "I have a girlfriend and this is what happens when you get caught on sites like this." Or if no title was to be had, just leave it, and allow gay men find him in their searches (sorry, gay men). I also changed the photo to something absolutely terrible from my photos such as one of him popping a zit.

    I have so many other examples of getting guys back for stuff, not just for cheating, but honestly - I let them know if they screw me over some how, I will find a way to get my money's worth of a bit of payback. I can't say they weren't forewarned, but damn, like it's so hard to just say 'hey it's not working out' and end it. No, instead if they cheated, ripped me off, or did something destructive, hell yes they were going to pay for it somehow.

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  • Honestly id probably doubt them so much after id break up with them, i've gone through a lot of crap in my life, mosty because of my family but i've never had any real friends, all of them stabbed me in the back and i get picked on a lot by people even at age 24, to have someone betray me when i spewed my soul out to them and then for them to cheat on me... it would mean that he took non of it into consideration and didn't care how much he hurt me despite the things that have happened to me.

    He didn't care he just added another bad thing onto the list and made me feel more cursed than i already do... i got too tired a long time ago of explaining myself... i'm not going to explain myself again to him when i can see the first time he brushed it off like the things in my life never caused me any pain or distrust in people already... id be out there door... if he cheats on me once he will do it again because staying and forgiving him will make him think he can get away with it... noop... i'm not wasting my breath... he knew how id react to being cheated on.

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  • @BertMacklinFBI's idea sounds pretty intriguing to me. I'm not sure if I could pull it off, but vanishing into thin air would be a nice/slightly creepy way to break up with a cheater. It would send a pretty clear message, I think. Something along the lines of "you don't deserve to even see me again" or "you don't exist to me anymore, so neither will I exist to you" :p

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    • i honestly feel it would give me more than all the satisfaction over closure i need. i like your insight on it. +2

    • @BertMacklinFBI exactly. If I have all the evidence that my partner cheated, what's the point in confronting him, breaking his stuff or ridiculing him online? He is obviously not worth my time or effort, so might as well disappear and never talk to him again. If I ever get cheated on, I hope I'll have the strength to silently do just that... and not lash out lol.

  • I'd go all Carrie Underwood on his ass and "dig my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive. Crave my name into his leather seats. Take a Louisville slugger to both headlights and slash a hole in all four tires. Then maybe next time, he'll think before he cheats"

    Realistically though, I'd probably just cry and ask him why he'd do something like that. And then, figure out where to go from there.

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  • I'd break up and leave. If I caught him in the act... he'd be dead.

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  • I would feel very, very hurt and probably go to pieces a bit. If I loved her and cared for her very deeply then I would not be hasty to break it off immediately though. I would be inclined to give her a second chance as long as it was a one off and a mistake. Had she been playing me for months on end, then I think the trust would be very difficult to rebuild.

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  • This is a hypothetical answer, just cause the question is also hypothetical. What i actually would do in the moment might differ from what i think i should do now. My action of choice is to have an honest, non-judgemental, no-drama conversation with the partner and find out why it happened. If it was because he was mad at me i would try to see what his grief was. If he simply got bored with our relationship, yet wanted to stay with me for some serious/valid reasons, i'd offer an open relationship, which gives me the right to go f... a hot guy when if i ever feel tempted. If he is actually in love with someone else, then me and him won't work anymore. One of us will have to pack the suitcase.

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  • I have a pretty awful temper. I would confront the lover first, and if she didn't know he was in a relationship, we could bond and wreck his ass together. If she did know, well. Even though I'm not crazy enough to destroy property or murder, I could still very well make it public and ruin their reptutation; also warn all his future partners (not that they's listen, but...) so hopefully no one else gets played.

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  • I would make him kill himself.
    Of course I'd out him on social media, as well and the skank he was with, making it as dramatic as possible and to make him seem as scummy as possible.
    I'd probably trash his stuff, mess it up, but not destroy it. Maybe I'd pee on his bed and clothes or something I don't know lmao
    I'd probably tell his next gf what he did. And every gf after that, just so they know.

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  • It depends.
    I believe in staying loyal to a partner, but if I wasn't giving my partner everything she wanted and/or needed, then she should be allowed to find what I don't have somewhere else. If it's not behind my back, if it's not meant to hurt me or embarrass me then sure. I'm okay with my partner spending the night with somebody else. Just so long as I'm the one she comes home to, to cuddle. I am the snuggle bunny, not that other person who has what I don't.

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  • it depends on how i "found out." either confront them, catch them, or break up depending on the entirety of the situation.

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  • I would confront him about it and then probably break up. I don't tolerate cheating because that means the person doesn't respect me and I don't want to be with someone who doesn't respect me.

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  • F
    it's all BS hearsay and zero evidence
    + you could be simply a pawn in someone's game
    sooooo
    catching in act + photos = Nolo contendere or better = GUILTY

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    • by the way
      had a friend CONFRONT him w/o hard evidence
      gave him time to invent "she beat me" to all friends/family
      to cover it all up and win everyone to his side

  • Been cheated on by two guys, (one guy cheated on me twice, another cheated on me multiple times) but to honest I wasn't very good with the signs of cheating so most of the time they told me about their infidelity. There was only once where I caught him in the act.

    The first two I cried. The others I was just angry. As a mature woman, I'd just break up with him via text (because he doesn't deserve to ever see me again) without any motive for the break up, block his number, delete and block him on facebook... make sure he never has any way of contacting me. Ever.

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  • If we have no mutually-shared property/pets/kids/etc, and I found out, I'd just leave. Actions such as that require no explanation (the cheater deserves no closure or peace of mind) as far as I'm concerned.

    If we do have anything that we mutually share I'd confront them first, then leave. Splitting up the responsibilities is necessary & is something that should not be left unhandled due to an emotional outburst.

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  • i always thought i would just walk away if anyone ever cheated on me, but when it happened i took him back. then he cheated on me again three months later. cheaters just don't care and if they say they're sorry they're lying. not worth the time or tears.

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  • Indifference is the worst payback. First I'd act like he has not cheated on me and text him how I feel he isn't the one, there's no chemistry, sex isn't good, and I have fallen for another guy. Then tell him I wish him the best and sorry.

    Walkout with the fake notion that I have fallen out of love and that he bored me. Just to make it seem like he did not hurt me with just walking away without a word. At least I'll telly move on eventually

    All the others option you mention gives him the upper hand and make him feel care for and worthy. I'm not going to show his "worth"

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  • I'd catch him in the act, and then physically walk away and calmly pack my bags and leave. I would ignore any contact he tried to pursue with me for about a week, and then I would meet up with him and officially break up.
    This would mainly apply if he cheated for no obvious reason, however if the relationship was going through a difficult time, I would go to a couples' therapy and find a way to work it out. That's only if the reason was more than utter disrespect, because sometimes things aren't as simple and surprising as people would like others to think.

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  • I voted 'F' but it would actually be a mix between A, F, and G. I would like to catch him in the act, but I'm not going to wait around until I do catch him in the act. I'd definitely confront before breaking up and walking away. I have zero tolerance for cheaters.

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  • Break up and walk away in any situation, whether they confess, someone else told me about it or I catch them in the act. Bye bye, adios, aurevoir.

    The only type of confrontation there will be coming from me would be an ''I'm breaking up with you because you're a worthless cheater, bye''.

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  • I'm a very direct person so I'm going to confront them about it and see if they're honest or if they lie. If they lie they're not trustworthy and therefore the relationship is over.

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  • I'd confront him for sure, but I wouldn't allow myself to get suckered into some kind of BS explanation.

    If he has a hot friend, I'd fuck his friend and try to get caught.

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  • My partner won't cheat as we tell each other everything.
    Our sex experience outside the couple is one of our favorite subject.

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  • In any breakup revenge is never the answer. It just makes you look crazy. I would certainly confront them first to talk about it but if the guy ended up confessing to cheating we would be done.

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  • I would just walk away. Anything else would be something trashy girls would do. I'm not trashy, if he doesn't want to be with me that will be ok.

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  • My fiancé broke up with me about 3 weeks ago and had a history of lying. Then I heard somethings so I confronted him but instead of saying no he deflected so I went and got tested yesterday. We'll see how that goes.

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  • Ultimately, I would confront them and probably break up with them. However since I've been in this situation on both sides of the cheating debate, I can not accurately say that I would break up with them after confronting them about it.

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  • confront the lover, then empty joint bank account, catch them in the "act" (make an evil plan with the lover) lastly slap him/her (and yes even if its a her) and BREAK UP and walk away with your head held high!! <3
    and if that really happened to someone hope you feel better!! 'kiss, kiss'

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  • lol nothing. if they cheated the damage's done.

    then again, i'm pretty passive i can let anything go. bad as it sounds, i'd probably be like "oh, okay" and then go out with my girls and find someone to hook up with. it's vindictive and bad, i know but in my opinion it's better than crying and getting angry and asking "why" because i feel like that will just make me feel worse and seem crazy.

    i'd break up, then hook up with someone else, call it a day and move on.

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  • lol where is all of the above? :P

    jk I wouldn't do anything that could be PROVED that I did it that I could go to jail for.

    ;)

    Hehehe

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