How do you know when it is time to break up with someone?

When do you know it is time to let someone go? My girlfriend I've been with for about half a year and she does make me happy but it seems like more often than not she is always worried I'm gonna leave her or something I guess because of her past and guys leaving her or something. Because of this she is always saying I'm getting bored of her and constantly needing reassurance that I'm not annoyed with her or anything. Even despite all that she is a nice and happy person a fair amount of the time too but I think the things that are starting to push me over the edge was that this past week she has gone on vacation overseas and I haven't even really felt sad or missed her very much and I'm thinking that is not a good sign for us. What do you think? Also what usually pushes you over the edge in deciding to cut things off?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Having been That Whiny Girlfriend before, I have a few suggetions on how to save the relationship, if you choose to do so:

    1) This may be totally irrelevant but just something to think about: Is she on birth control? When I was on the pill for about 6 months, all I always cried and got jealous over everything. No matter what my bf did I was unsure and suspicious. That could be the cause of her insecurity/mood swings.

    2) If she accuses you of something (flirting with other girls, avoiding her, etc) she WANTS to be proven wrong. My boyfriend used to just stop answering when I got in his face over stupid stuff, which made me think that he really WAS flirting with that girl, and just didn't have a good excuse. Give her a good reason, otherwise she will blame herself and become more insecure and whiny.

    3) It may be your personality. My bf is very quiet and introverted, so I don't get a lot of affection or "I love you"s. He just assumes that I know. Mistake. Don't assume she knows you like her or think she's pretty. Many girls know that puppy love wears off, and if you don't give her a compliment here and there, kiss her goodbye, or ask about her day every so often, she's going to be scared you're tired of her. Even if you think it's redundant and unecessary, girls like to be reminded that you care.

    4) Surprise her. Make her a fancy dinner when she gets home. Have some surprise sex in a secluded area. Take her on a super romantic date (dinner is fine, but something fun like amusement parks or a concert of her favorite band will earn you major points). Plan it by yourself. The fact that you put the effort into planning a big date and the anticipation when you tell her you have a surprise for her, will surely give her some faith in you. Do something to show you listen and know what she enjoy.

    • 1 used to be true but she got off of it. 2, 3, and 4 you nailed spot on and are perfectly accurate everything you said even in regards to your bf is kind of how we are too.

    • our problem is that I'm very emotional and affectionate and he's more chill and reserved. so most likely she's overreacting bc she sees love as lots of compliments & cuddles & "I love you"s and if she isn't getting that, she assumes you dont care about her. if thats the issue then there's still hope and i would try reasoning with her before breaking up just yet.

      try explaining to her how you show affection. "I make you breakfast and drive you to and from work every day because i love you... if I didn't love you I wouldn't do that" or whatever variation of that. it might open her eyes and show her that you care about her even if you dont smother her with affection.

      after i realized that my bf shows he cares about me in little ways (helping me cook, telling me stories, napping on me lol) I stopped worrying that he didn't like me. he had to change his ways a little bit too, but we're pretty good now and i think you guys have a chance.

Most Helpful Guy

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What Girls Said 5

  • I can somewhat relate to this as I am the girl in this situation. I am with my SO that I love very much but I have issues from the past that drives me down the insecure path. This girl loves you and she has these insecurities because of the way some idiots treated her in the past, you are not the same as these guys and she knows that so that is why she stays with you.

    I personally would sit her down, in a calm manner and talk to her about this. Ask her what exactly she is scared of and how can you both work to making this fear go away.
    I spoke to my boyfriend about my fears that he leave me for another girl or that he wants someone else, and first of all he reacted how you did. But after some time and some understanding he has is now helping me to get over my jealousy and insecurity by showing me how much he loves me.

    You can show you girlfriend this by loving her the way she is and try to understand where she is coming from and that she only shows these insecurities because she loves you so much.

    I think the not missing her part is because maybe you spend a lot of time together and this is a chance to have some space to reflect. You obviously love this girl and if you want it to work with her, instead of cutting it off, open upto her and reassure her that you want her. If she continues to do it, warn her that you will have a limit and you are close to it.

    I learnt that I must learn how to throw those negative feelings from my past away out the window because it is the past and my man is the best thing that has ever happened to. I hope you can guide your girl into that realisation also... good luck!

  • If you don't miss her, I'm not sure its fair to stay with her. If she cares more about you than you do her, then maybe its time for a break. Those don't seem like good signs to me.

  • I don't think NOT missing your girlfriend is a sign of anything. Wishing her dead or that she doesn't come back is.

    So you don't miss the time you spend apart. It seems that you may not get enough of it or that you're simply enjoying your solitude and hope she has a good time.

    I think you know the answer to that question though pertaining to your relationship. Personally, I would think the relationship is over if we can't be around each other, get annoyed with each other when we simply mention each other's name, cheating, prefer to be alone rather with them (which doesn't seem to be you) and more.

  • Its ok to need space so you not missing her doesn't necessarily mean there is something wrong. Also, if she has abandonment issues (as do I for the same reasons)... tell her that she should live in the moment and this is only goinf to push you away. Tell her to try and deal with it and to enjoy the moments you guys have so that the relationship feels more organic. If despite saying this, she stays the same or gets worse. I would say its ok to move on if you feel like its the right thing to do. But because its a problem that can be solved, try to first express this concern eith her. I think she will understand what you mean and it could really bring the spark back if she takes the feedback seriously.

  • She's insecure and needs constant reassurance. That's tiresome.


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