Married but unhappy, and closed my heart years ago... Now in love with a old neighbor. Crazy feeling thoughts. Any suggestions?

I have been with my significant other for almost 13 years, married two children. Three /four years ago he started messing with dating sites I forgave him took over a year to fully heal. Mean while always feeding my self lies and happiness.... I just realized that... I had no idea I was so lost until my neighbor messaged me.

Since we had moved he needed to tell me something he always wanted to. And mind you I had a attraction but never ever let that known vise versa. Put blinders on. We would talk about bullshit while our kids played outside together (he has one daughter, and a fiancé of 14 years.) So there was nothing there except oh the landlord still didn't fix this or whatever.

So he messages me to tell me he has loved me since the first time he met me. He has always wanted to tell me but didn't want to cause awkwardness. I respect him for that. Since just talking more and more, friends, understanding how much we are alike and our lovers should be together lol! Because they're identical. We always both have had friction in our relationship. It wasn't until we started talking more that we realized we want to be together feels so normal feels so right. He's ready, and so I am just scared of hurting my husband. But I need happiness to! And realized that we were just both playing the role to keep our family together. But want to make our family our own now. Any thoughts or suggestions? I mean no matter what it's going to be hard, but I know our children 4,5,6 all girls lol but they're like best friends. Will be happier because we will be, and tension in the household will no longer be there.

Thank you, and so sorry so long tried making it as short as possible.
  • Stay in relationship make your self believe to be happy?
    Vote A
  • Leave the situation to have happiness no matter how hard it will be?
    Vote B
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Updates:
We have only been married a year. I know stupid. But yes in love since 15/16. And I will always love him. Just not in love anymore. Thanks both are great answers. As for the other guy playing with minds I honestly don't think so because we have been friends for four years. He's always tried to tell me, but for the first time ever would freeze up. There's so much more to it, but completely get what you are saying! Thank you

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The neighbor is a douchebag. What guy does that when he knows you are married? Does he like playing with people's minds/feelings?

    If you want to split from your husband then do it but don't be codependent and only split since douchebag is waiting in the wings. I can see it now--you guys hook up and a few years from now he pulls the same thing on someone else. Then you're a victim for the 2nd time around. The guy has no honor.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You do need to leave but you need to do it if the relationship is broken beyond compare. What I am saying is don't leave for another man, do it because you want to be happy and know you can't have that in your current relationship. My situation was similar. Leaving was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I stayed for years because of the kids even though I was unhappy. I came to the realization it would never get better and I needed to be happy too instead of always trying to make others happy. I wish I had of done it sooner but glad I finally did. I was attracted to a male friend of mine, didn't know how he felt and glad I didn't because I know my marriage ending had nothing to do with him. Turns out he was attracted to me too, found that out when he kissed me three days after my husband moved out. It's looking like it's not going to work out as he has not left his wife and our relationship is too complicated. It would have been really bad if I had of left because of him. Work out your current relationship first for the right reasons. Once you've done that then see if your still interested in pursuing another.

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What Girls Said 1

  • If you are 25-29 and have been married for 12 years that means you were 13-17 when you got married?
    Your mistake was marrying someone you were dating as a teenager.
    If you are truly unhappy and have fallen out of love with him and truly believe you would be happier with this other man then you have to do what feels right. Your kids I think are young enough to be over it by the time they're teenagers.

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