Girlfriend broke off relationship after 1.5 years to find herself after returning from vacation to "find herself"?

I'll try to give as many details as possible, starting from the beginning.

We met in September '13. became official very quickly, we're both in the same age range (she just turned 28 and I'm 29.) We moved very fast, Everything clicked and just made perfect sense. We made an informed the informed but quick decision to move in together by November. She moved in, and i more or less caught her trying to hide a conversation she was having with someone she was talking to right before meeting me. I was firm but forgiving. Flash forward to recently up to now. she had continually lied about talking to exes, deleting the conversations, etc. Not to say i didn't do anything wrong. Gradually i began to feel insecure and didn't ever truly come to trust her completely again, it had also taken me a long time to be open about my family life and things that had happened which caused me to lie about a few things as well. Feb of this year i had discovered that she had been talking to and trying to cover up her talking to exes again, it was a huge blow out, after both of us considering breaking up, we agreed wanted to coninue working the problems out. At this point we had argued extensively, began drifting aprt, sex eventually went, strained communication and we were just not happy but wanted it to work. until the defining moment.

Last weekend we were to go to Canada for her bday. long story short, i didn't receive my passport, i had just dislocated my elbow the week prior and so i stayed back and she went. I knew the dynamic had officially changed at this point. I set up a surprise for her to return to on Tuesday night, she got home late and was tired. Inbthe morning it seemed fine but we didn't talk much after i went to work. I get off work and she breaks up with me. citing that all of the arguments, my mistrust, and how she acts wasn't healthy and that she had always been in a relationship and doesn't know who she is outside of one. She wanted to be completely indep
Couldnt type it all out. but she wants to be completely independent, as she's jump from one relationship to another all of her adult life. She feels like it just couldnt be fixed and we needed to fix ourselves independently and work on our stuff. I don't know. any insight would be helpful


Most Helpful Girl

  • She needs to grow up.
    She's getting to the age where her biological clock is starting to tick.
    She should want to settle down... build a family, start a career.
    Since she's been sneaky for a great amount of your relationship it isn't far fetched for one to think she has been cheating all along.
    Let her go.
    In due time you will see that it was the best decision ever.
    All she will give you is hurt.. You don't need that
    thats unhealthy.

    • Cheating really wouldn't have been really possible due to many factors, but emotionally i think there is a big possibility for that. Another thing i think is that she mightve grown really tired of defending herself over those instances but ultimately just didn't want to put in the effort to actually do what it takes to help ME feel better about it long term. Which was at the root of my problem. shed apologize but not change the behavior. But agreed, it became unhealthy so this is what the best possible outcome could have been.

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    • Whoa, that came out weird. with someone new** lol.

    • Haha its ok :) I'll follow u back

Most Helpful Guy

  • She is self centered and not so good for you.
    Let her go , though she will regret one day. She has high expectations from life and will never be satisfied with what she has. And of course we all know how talking to exes is not a healthy way to start a new relation and here seems like it got eaten away slowly.
    There's not much you ll say which she ll listen to and understand. She is convinced by the outer world and she thinks its her decision and also she is self righteous.
    But of course you should try to save it.
    Talk to her about the trip in a fun way, etc. Hows life, what had she imagined her life 2 years before today? ( it ll help u see her disappointment or contention with life as of now) .
    Then whatever she says.. Ask her what's the matter, that whatever she is saying is alright but you can see it in her face that something is off and she is not happy. Get it out lf her.
    See of she breaks and tells you or maybe just hints you whatever it is she's not happy with.
    If you think you can fix it cool. If it feels like something which would reoccur then its better to have it her way and break up.
    But she ll regret some day, that i can give u.

    • We have spoken extensively about it all, it is ending very maturely, surprisingly. she's since dropped little hints that it also had to do with just little comments i would make that were a joke but perceived as insecurity. Which yeah, looking back, the things she did did make me actually feel that way eventually. her resolve is the same, though. she needs to sort out all of her shit and be stable on her own, that is seemingly the main focal point for her in addition to everything. it just broke the relationship for her. We both knew for a while that we both werent happy and had continually tried to make eachother happy but it was so far gone at that point. Thats the impression i get.

    • Yea you hv the right impression, but i fail to understand why wouldn't she or a girl after sensing insecurity in her partner not try to comfort and reassure him.!
      Its like the moment u start to feel insecure, it goes downhill.
      I will say that u hv the right person in Match with u when they always respond in reassurance and as long as that happens, i would say the relationship is healthy.
      Anyways. Good luck to you. Maybe you ll enjoy being single again ;-)

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • I think it is best to let her go, if girls want to be independent, they mean it. It could be there is another reason, but does a relationship really works if she keeps lying?

    • Very true indeed, even after being caught and apologizing, the behavior never actually stopped either. All i wanted was for her to demonstrate honesty. if they text her and it was innocent, then show me. It was her in the first place that initiated the no exes rule.

    • yes, that is what I would think too, if it is innocent just show it.

  • She's trying to get in a relationship, but she was just too wild for you, she got nored, and needs a man that can control her, she's a rebel, I can tell by what you typed, you forgave her for texting her exs, but she needs someone who would go crazy if he found out she talks to someone else.

    • I eventually forgave her, but it was by no means a simple decision. it was a really huge argument each time.

What Guys Said 2

  • People do dumb shit. Period. Move on. Find someone better and more reliable. Good luck.

  • Cut her off and let her go. Your mistrust? Please... you had a good reason. If she's serious about "finding herself". Let her go and do that see what life is like without you. My ex said the same shit... I have nothing to offer I don't wanna be with anyone. 3 days later she's with back her old bf who she was already seein after we split. surprise surprise, they talked while we were together. Do yourself and run. You deserve better. If she comes around and wants you for real she'll make the effort and you can decide. Don't wait around man trust me.

    • Not all women who say they want to be independent mean it and can really do it. As in my case and lots of others they go back to the same old. My ex hadn't been single for more than two months since 15. I tried to be there when she was going through it. She took advantage of my feelings and basically used me to not feel lonely. Don't give them the cake and let them eat it too

    • For sure, i definitely se what you mean, man. I don't exactly see her wanting to actually change, i think its just a part of who she is as a person. Not a bad thing or a good thing. just who she is and i should have gotten real with myself about it sooner.

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