Guys, help me understand my ex's decision?

I feel a little embarrassed asking this but here we go. This happened over a year ago now but I still struggle.

My ex broke up with me for a few reasons but a key one was our r/s was too 'hard', hinting very much to my situational struggle with depression. I was on meds and seeing someone for it but he decided he could not cope. We split, I was blindsided and heartbroken.

Within eight weeks of our split though, he was with someone else. He began dating a girl (friend of his bro) with a very complex and deep-rooted mental health problem, one that takes years to resolve. She is on some meds but refuses therapy. He'd previously referred to this girl as 'crazy' himself and advised me to keep my distance from her. I wish I had as in the short time between the break up and them getting together she gaslight me, manipulated me, was abusive towards me and lied to/about me. Mental health issue or not she was, and I would think still is, a very destructive individual. I almost took my life in this time I was so overwhelmed.

I doubt my ex knows about her contact with me at this time and what she said. It is likely she has smeared me to him. He hasn't spoken to me in over a year, I said some things I regret after our break up but our final exchange, just after he started his r/s with this new girl, was amicable. 3 months into their r/s they went away together, 6 months in they moved in together and now they have been together longer than we had! This girl lies, has rages, causes drama with work/friends, messes about with other guys.

I guess I just don't get it. I always tried to be caring, involved with our r/s, we got on well together, we had chemistry and my mental health I took responsibility for because I didn't want to be depressed myself nor put him through it. I don't want him to be with me if he doesn't want to be but I want him to be happy, so why with her?? They just seem totally incompatible and what kind of r/s is that?
To elaborate, I'm trying to work through some of the blows to my self esteem from these events with a therapist. I remember my ex being, hmm dense, but not a bad person, I am surprised he would find attraction to someone so unhealthy.

Then again, maybe I was wrong, it was a mask and he was a chump attracted to trash *shrug* :(.


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What Guys Said 2

  • it was not meant to be

    Stop trying to understand what went wrong or how you could have done better, he is an ex which means he is your past and living in your past will not give you anything so stop wasting your breath over him and his actions. Focus on whats too come, make it bright, make it happy and make it colorful

    • Hey, thanks, I know. I'm currently in counselling working through CPTSD from the whole experience. Understanding it would help to move forward. I am still filled with a lot of negativity from it and getting a guys' perspective I though maybe might help.

      My main concern is my unjustified dislike and, yes, even hate, for people with her mental disorder. I feel great guilt about it but it's hard to control after what happened. Again, understanding I help will aid me to rid this from myself.

    • Well, your guy is with her not because she is manipulative or better but simply because he wanted out, u vrnt the girl he wanted.
      He went to her and is happy with her because even though she has bigger issues then you, she has a way of keeping him happy (maybe she's good in bed or maybe she blackmails the shit out of him)...

  • Sounds to me like this guy had no reasoning. How attractive is this girl? To me it sounds like your ex is an asshole who only thinks with his penis.

    • She's not ugly, but going by what he likes she's a complete polar opposite. Conventionally speaking I would say I am quite a bit more attractive than her.

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