I'm a very insecure girl and he handles this well. He knows I get upset, so he never pervs on other girls while I'm around. He says he never looks at other girls or thinks about them, but he's a guy so of course he does when I'm not around.
Anyway, I know I should just be happy that someone loves me this much, but I will never feel comfortable with any guy. At all. This is because there's something wrong with me. I can't accept what other women can. Other girls say, "It's okay if he looks at other girls or finds them more beautiful, he loves me." I cannot do that. I don't know why and believe me, I have tried every way of thinking to help me accept that it's okay for a boyfriend to still think other girls are beautiful, because it really IS okay. I know that. It's not like he's become desensitized after falling in love. I can't accept it though and I will never know why.
So, I'm really sick of this. I never used to be jealous before meeting him. I would check out other girl's asses and everything. Now, I'm just so jealous and I get upset when I see a girl prettier that me.
I want to leave him, even though I love him. I think another girl could treat him better. One that wasn't so insecure. And I would be very happy alone. The thought of being alone when I am old doesn't scare me. Should I just leave him? I have tried to leave him in the past. 10 times in fact. But he's actually cried and stalked me for a few days until I took him back. that's different for him because he never cries. Each time I left him, I left him for insecure reasons like this one. I feel like I need to just end it for good, but I'm more in love with him than ever now so I'll suffer like crazy too.