How to start healing?

I was in the shortest relationship ever, only 3 months that ended about 3 months ago, and it ended badly. He was much older than I am and I trusted him with my life. After 3 months, I found out that he was cheating on me with his ex girlfriend and we haven't spoken to one another since. So, why am I not feeling better? Why can't I move on? I feel like there are SO many things still unsaid, but I also know that it's way too late to talk to him now about. And it's nothing in the sense of me wanting him back, but just to say my peace since he did say a lot of mean things to me towards the end. I am seeing a therapist trying to sort things out, but I'm still coming up short. What is wrong with me? When will I start feeling better?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm just going to let you know that it is ok! I am going through the same thing but my relationship ended way faster than yours did. If you have stuff you wanna say to him write it in a letter it might be easier also you have a chance to say everything that you want to because you have time to think about things and there is no deadline because he doesn't know you are writing it. I found this to be helpful. I dont know all the answers like i dont know when you will get over him and feel better because I still haven't gotten over my ex. But i know that if it was ment to be you two would be together. Hope this helps... :)

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    • It almost feels like a torture-undeserved torture. He really pulled the rug from under me and I'm still kind of shell shocked. I hope you feel better too. I know we'll get thorough all this, and it will take time. Just sucks waiting for so long to feel better.

    • Yeah guys are idiots sometimes but I have learned if you forgive them and move on that is the best "revenge"

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What Guys Said 4

  • You need to get that stuff off your chest, say your piece, so you can move on and get some closure...
    Hope this helps?

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    • I wish I could, but there's no way of doing it. If I email him, or call or whatever, I know he'll just either ignore email or decline to talk. He has moved on with the same lady, and I'm sure he wants nothing to do with me as far as any talks would go.

    • Just email what you need to say, whether he takes any notice of it or not is his choice, and you have saidcwhat you need to say... thats all you can do... forget him, andvget rid of anything that reminds you of him...
      Good luck

  • What is the thing that is bothering you the most about the breakup? I will help you figure this out if you would like.

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  • Confront him and say what you want to say. Should he understand or not you can move on easier

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    • At this point, after all the time that has passed, it's little too late. I know that he wouldn't care now (not that he would've earlier..) and will just think of me as a loser who can't seem to move on.

  • Go masturbate

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    • Buddy I'm sexually quite OK. This was a serious questions, and if you have no valuable opinion, please refrain for posting unnecessary answers. Thanks

What Girls Said 2

  • I think what you are feeling is very natural and normal. You may have loved the guy, or you may just feel hurt because of the rejection/loss. Unfortunately things like these happened to almost anyone at one point or another. Healing will take time, but I would suggest for the moment you focus on being your awesome self. Go indulge a little- do something fun/exciting that you enjoy doing. Take a trip, go to a nude beach, sky dive, have a one night stand with some hottie. Do something crazy (as long as it's safe), to make your heart beat faster and get some excitement in your life. The biggest danger of failed relationships is the destruction of self esteem- which is unfortunate, because really, anyone can be an awesome person, until they start burdening themselves with negative self-talk. Do something you are good at, and just don't forget to express your wild/awesome self. You cannot control how other people will act, but you can control how you respond to it. You are too precious and important to let a shitty situation like that bring you down.

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    • i wish I could reach and give you a hug. Thank you! I am crying right now. This is the sweetest and most caring thing I heard in the last 3 months. And you are 100% right.

    • I am feeling the hug :) but seriously, shitty things happen to all of us, one way or another. Not everyone we like is going to feel the same for us. that's the truth, and it doesn't mean we are not likable or something is wrong with us, it's just how nature operates. It didn't work out with this guy, oh well.. you went all in, you loved, and that's beautiful, that's what living fully is like. Now you will retreat and lick your wounds, but a wounded tiger is still a tiger. Go be good to yourself; there are so many =things to enjoy out there

  • This is something you should talk about to your therapist. I read somewhere that it takes as long as the relationship lasted to heal. For example, your relationship was 3 months. It would take 3 months to heal.

    I don't know if it's true, though.

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    • I DO feel better then I was 3 months ago I can tell you that much. However, sad part remains- I just can't move on. There are things left unsaid (on my part) that are killing me, and I hate that I never said anything when I had the chance. My therapist did say to write everything down, but I really don't see any change in doing this when I know it's kind of useless.

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