Guys, do you believe in giving second chances?

Ok so my bf and I are going through a tough time. August 19 would be a 4 year anniversary however our relationship status is complicated! The only really problems in our relationship is that he says we argue too much and I say that we have enough quality time together bc we have a 2 year old son. We've tried a break which didn't work because of me. Now he says he needs time to think and for now we are broken up but we still live together, which to me makes no sense. The things he does more for me now that we are broken up and he texts me faster than he normally would. I know that he isn't cheating on me. My dilemma is after the break things got worse. This is most we ever fought in the 6 years that I've known him.

I've made my last cry for reconcile but he says he needs to think about because he doesn't know if the arguing will end if we officially get back together. How many of you guys believe in second chances? Neither one of us cheated! We are just having a rough patch as all couples to do! I need advice and I know it's a lot to read. HELP!!!
  • Everybody makes mistakes. You deserve second chance
    Vote A
  • Things would have to change first
    Vote B
  • Second chances? What the hell are those?
    Vote C
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Most Helpful Guy

  • 14 years ago this month I got engaged to my wife. I was 38, she was 44 and we were shacking up living together for 17 months. Her divorce was finalized a few weeks earlier so she wanted to marry me soon. I was leery because we argued a lot. However, we took a pre-dawn walk and I told her that I wanted her to make a concerted effort to not argue. Once she promised that, I agreed. We did get married and Lord knows how many times I heard "I hate you" from her or divorce threats from each of us, it really settled down because we've rubbed off on each other. Our history together helped make us understand each other and tolerate and respect differences. What keeps the bond is the mutual loyalty and being there for each other. Yeah, it was and still can be tough, but the differences that lead to arguments fades away as long as there are compromises from each person every now and then.. Also, the more you know and understand each other including mostly their needs, things should work out. They did for me and it will be 14 years married on August 4th and 16 years a couple this Thanksgiving.

    • I've been trying to be the bigger person. I'm willing to take all the blame if I have too. I do have major trust issues but since all of this has happened I trust him even more. This fight has lasted so long. It all started when he was playing video games on Christmas and I asked him if he was addicted to them. That opened a big ass can of worms. I've learned how to pick my battles. You really don't realize what you have until it's gone

    • I'm glad you understand that and you learned some valuable lesdons. At the same time, that was a legit question but your directness cost you because men interpret that as an attack and attacks from family are the worst. Next time ask such a comment more subtlely like "Can we please spend more time together?" and "The baby really needs some more time with you." in this way puttle subtle pressure on him that he has responsibilties toward his family. If the videogame was new and an Christmas present that you have to let the toy run its course. However, new video games really shouldn't be in your home. Video games prevent men from growing up and they are addictive. Make sure no one gives him any more video games as presents, so privately in person talk to his mom or dad about it assuming you two stick together. Don't say he's addicted but mention casually how it consumes so much time. His mom would INSTANTLY understand what you are alluding to and lay down the law with the family.

    • His mom is the one who started his video games obsession when he was younger and regrets. I haven't bought him game those things are almost $60 and more when they first come. The gaming doesn't bother me bc I know he is stressed from work. But I've named the ps4 Paula and the xbox one Xtina and they are his sideline bitches. But I'm going to take your advice.

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What Guys Said 7

  • The two of you both need to take the focus off yourselves and think of your son whose life would greatly benefit by growing up living with both a mother and a father.
    Both of you need to forgive/forget the past and move forward together for his benefit.

    • Believe me I tried many times to tell my bf that would should work it for our kid. I'm a stay at home mom and a student so I'm always with our kid while bf works long hours to provide for our family.

  • Definitely deserve second chances when cheating is not involved

    • I told him that if his love was unconditional there was nothing to think about. I got to open up and he shut down within a few seconds. I can see the pain in his eyes so this isn't going to be easy.

    • It always takes patience and time... Good luck

  • If things have gotten to this point because of problems, you need to ask yourself what needs to change or if it even has/will change?

    • My attitude needs to change. I realize that I just don't understand why we had to break up in order for to work on myself. That's what's driving me insane.

  • It depends what they did but usually no I don't believe in them.

    • I really haven't did anything to him. The thing is I started to realized I wasn't happy with myself so I told him. He blew zit out of proportion and said I was pushing him away and then decided we should go on a break. I thought the break was meant from him to run from his problems. So I didn't take it seriously.

    • If you two fight this much getting back together will only make it worse.

    • I think you are wrong but you maybe right. However we hardly fought during our relationship. The fighting really started when he decided on his own that we should go on a break. I realize what I've done. I can live without him but I don't want too.

  • Shit I'd be happy if a girl gave me a first chance

    • I've been cheated on before I've given second chances. I said him if he loved me unconditionally and he looked like he wanted to cry so I don't know what's going to happen.

  • i ALWAYS believe that every1 deserves a 2nd chance basically1

    • I wish my bf thought like that. I think he just don't want to get hurt. He was comparing our relationship to his parents' failed marriage and they are polar opposites!

  • You've done nothing wrong in my opinion. However I think you should give him some space for a bit.

    • That's probably the right thing to do. It's just really hard to give the person you're in love space. He's like a shiny red Ferrari and I can only afford a Smart Car while I'm searching for the perfect car lol

    • I understand completely. It's very hard. But it will be harder if you don't.

    • You're absolutely right. I just need to be patient and hopefully he gives me a second chance.

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