Ex boyfriend broke up with me, wants to be friends with me but want me to move on? Why?

My ex boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me out of the blue. I know he had some issues about his past relationship but this happened so suddenly, i never thought he'd do that. He claimed that he's not ready for a relationship and wish to have some time apart. But he still wants us to be friends. He would sometimes texts me asking how i am and even run into each other once of twice. ( He had transfered to my uni after the break up)

At first i thought he's an ass for doing this to me and i decided to forget about him and move on. But one day i ran into him at school and then only i knew from him that he will study here in my uni from now on. We talked for a while, and he hugged me and left. This changes everything... whenever i see him in school he will always greet me with a big smile and i can feel he's happy to see me somehow.

I hate the fact that i have to admit i still love him, after how much he reminded me the times we're together. How everything used to be but now we're nothing more than friends. I wanted him to be clear to me. So i texted him one night, telling him how i felt..

He said it will take time. He knew that im not over him, and said i could just ignore him if i dont feel well when i see him again at school. And he said he'll give me time to move on. And when i do, talk to him again so we can be friends.

What is he thinking? Seriously, it hurts me so bad.. What do he want from me? I will never be able to move on while he's stuck here in my life. I can't put him down. Help, what should i do? :'(

Updates:
I did remember once he kinda mentioned he wasn't really satisfied with me in bed. If that's the reason why he wanna break up with me, then he's an total ass 100% guarantee no doubt.

Guys, just letting you know that thanks so much for leaving all your opinions. I've been feeling a lot better lately cuz Im pretty busy with school assignments and projects lately and its good, it distracted me from this mess. And hanging out with friends as u guys suggested works great.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have felt like that before. I just could never be only friends with a guy that I am in love with. I remember a guy who i was crazy in love with but i guess i loved him more than he loved me which is why it was easy for him to say he wanted to be friends. I just couldn't do it. I told him Im too in love so there is no way i could pretend that I am not and watch you date other girls or other girls flirt with you. I would hurt every single day if you kept me in your life only for me to just watch you move on with me still wanting you. I told him that it would feel like torture, the constant yurning for you and you not reciprocating.

    I told him that I need time to get over him before i could just be friends and then he said that he understood. And I actually did get over him. I had to completely distance myself from him in order to do it. No seeing him or talking to him or anything because I wanted to make sure the feelings of me loving him were completely gone.

    I ended up meeting someone else and fell in love and we are still together today. Distancing myself from that old guy was the best thing i could do becasue if he was still around in my life then there would be no way for me to meet my fiance because I would constantly be stuck on him, a guy who could never love me back, instead of meeting a guy that actually does want me and to marry me at that.

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What Guys Said 23

  • It is possible to move on under these circumstances if you adopt the right mentality and, as your ex said, give it time. There are basically two ways to get over someone: one is to focus on your feelings of spite and put (emotional) distance between yourself and the person you're trying to get over in an attempt to counteract the feelings of love, and the other is to do precisely the opposite, that is to embrace the feelings you still have for them and to accept the fact that, at this point, your feelings aren't the same, remaining friends and allowing yourself to be confronted with the fact that it's over every time you hang out.

    Whichever method is most effective (and most healthy) depends on what kind of relationship you had and the kind of break-up you went through. If the person in question was an a-hole who you became emotionally dependent on, then the former option would definitely be the better one, whether if they were actually decent and it ended simply because you weren't right for each other, then the latter option usually is.
    Oftentimes people will take the former option regardless of the situation, generally because the latter is more confrontational and it's more difficult to recover your self-confidence. Plus, it takes a lot of discipline not to become too hopeful again.
    The best way to (in my experience) to overcome these obstacles is to focus on your role as a friend. Once you start behaving a certain way, your feelings have a tendency to match up with that, so if you start behaving and treating someone as a friend, you'll start feeling more like a friend and feeling more like they are a friend to you.

    Of course, in whatever case both feelings of spite and lingering love are going to play a huge role and it's important to allow yourself to feel those feelings, even if you don't want to feel them (anymore). It's just part of the process.

    Either way, I wish you luck. Don't worry, you'll get there. :)

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  • Start dating other guys. Soon you will develop a relationship and have the same types of feelings for a new guy. You'll be surprised how much you care about the new guy when you thought that no one else in the world excecpt old boyfriend could evoke those feelings.

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    • i guess u're right...

  • move on babe. he's keeping u around for relationship security (on a hook) like a fish. Cut the line and swim free my dear and no happiness with someone who will appreciate everything u have to give in this life, dont waste ur life being miserable. i wish u the best babe

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  • He's right when he says it takes time, you see? You will not wake up tomorrow without the pain, but it's not gonna last more than the time you were together. You started this relationship based on a lack, thinking that he would complete you somehow, but now that he's gone you are not complete anymore... now you need him. This is a mistake. Before you start a relationship, you must understand that you are already complete and you and the other person are only sharing each other's inherent happiness and love, this way there'll be no addiction between each other.. don't put you special love about someone above everything else, put your own happiness and let everything else come along. Peace :)

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  • What is it exactly that you like from him the most? I really don't think he gave you a proper closer and hence why you still have feelings for him. Many people have been where you have been and the usual solution they have in order to not think about him is to distract themselves with activities, such as going out with friends more often, and try not to think about him at all. Open yourself to anyone who will appreciate you for who you are and basically go from there. I know these are hard to do, but it will get easier in time. I hope that helps.

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  • If you truly move on, you will not want to be friends with this guy. You were just filling up an empty slot in his life until something better came along. If that's his idea of dedication, who needs him? Answer: not you!

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  • ANSWER: You CAN move on, and you WILL. Your ex is playing you. I'm pretty sure I know what he was, and is, up to.
    What you must do to be back to normal ASAP is to break off all contact with your ex.: 1) Don't read any texts from him. 2) Don't take any of his calls. 3) Don't speak to him. 4) Do your best not to run into him; take different routes to your destinations if there are places where you usually run into him. Should you run into him, just say that you're in a hurry and keep walking.

    DETAILS
    Being in college, you're probably 19 - 22 y/o. I'm 48, thus I've experienced many more girl/boy situations than you have, and I'm aware of most bullshit stories guys tell their girlfriends and of those that girls tell their boyfriends. Please understand, I just have more experience than you and I'm a guy. I'm not implying that I'm any smarter than you, and I'm not an arrogant person, but if you take my advice then you'll be yourself again in a few weeks.
    The ex was and is up to something, and he's a coward.
    Perhaps the ex was not fully satisfied in bed, although that's very unlikely. But let's say he had a concern, were you supposed to read his fucking mind? It was his responsibility to tell you precisely: 1) What he wanted you to do for him that you weren't doing; 2) What he wanted to do with or to you; or 3) What he wanted you to do differently. It's your body, thus no one has the right to touch you in any way that makes you uncomfortable.

    This was by far the most likely scenario BEFORE you broke up: He started banging some skank, and at some point he decided he'd rather be with her enough to want you out of the picture.
    This is what he's up to NOW: He's being nice to you because although he's still with the skank, he wants to have sex with you as well "on the side." Or he may or may not be with the skank, but he wants you as a "friend with benefits."
    I wish you well.

    This is independent of your question: It's very important to improve your writing before graduation.

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  • He wants to be friends with you , something maybe wrong with him he thought he could be with you but he knows that he can't. How can he be with you and he feels someway about his own self , he wants you to move on because he doesn't want you to waste your life chasing and worrying about him. He wants you to be happy. He knows that'd be would be selfish for having you wait while he isn't in the right state of mind to be in a relationship or ready to be in one. But it seems as though he really does love you he still wants you to be in his life to be his friend and loves you even more that he wants you to be happy with someone else

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  • You should really work on finding someone new. It's a really shitty situation you are in. Until you find a new person that brings all of those geelings into play, you are going to have these lingering feelings. My advice is to avoid him as much as you can, don't talk or text, and find someone nee to persue.

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    • i probably won't use the method "to get over someone is to go under someone else". I dont feel like i wanna get into another relationship that quick yet. I just want to be alone these days.

  • You need find other guy (s) to date always remember a ex is ex for reason

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  • You simple need to wake up, reality is a bitch, trust me it's hard to get over any ex if you still "talk" to them. Me personally i would just say hi maybe but not talk anymore, at least not for 6 months or so so i can get over them.
    Just member, it's over. What was he thinking? Mt guess is that maybe he found someone else or maybe you just weren't right for him.

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  • He's a moron. On one hand he wants to stay friends with you which is completely UNREALISTIC AND IMPOSSIBLE and on the other hand he wants you to move on. Now tell me wheres the fucking logic in that?

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  • I was always relieved when I heard my ex had moved on.

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  • When your ex doesn't move on it's more
    scary
    than sad.
    my cute pie tried to kill me 4 times
    4 fucking times before she moved on
    .
    We to be honest I kinda liked her when she tried to kill me.
    Twisted ayt it?

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  • Sounds like he just wants to keep you around as back up incase he doesn't get enough attention or sex from other possible mates

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    • If that's the case then i guess i've just lost faith in men.

  • You called it how you see it, if he truly doesn't like you anymore in that sense, and he's not beating around the bush sexually with you. Than he means it. My best advice to you, is move on, and take time to find someone who is worth your time

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  • Probsbly wasn'truly reliable or cmmitted to solitude from the get go you need to find realism for true reality

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  • Its most likely exactly what he says the situation is. If he wants to have a friendship, great, but you need to get out there and figure stuff out. If not, just hang out with him until you meet someone else you're interested in.

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  • stop talking to him obviously

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  • Being friends with an ex is difficult it can tear you apart... yeah friends activities both matter just do all the things you usually do.

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  • Just remember that our family always tolld us to give the toys more used 😋

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  • Alright, I'm going through something very similar but I am still with her... Let me know if what I say makes sense... Here goes:

    I really think that you might have been his rebound from his past relationship, not to say that you're worth that kind of treatment. If you knew that he had issues with his past relationship, good or bad, that's a bad sign... If he was over that mess, you wouldn't know about him having these issues.

    I think he wants to be friends because he led you on while he was using you as a rebound and now he feels bad, so he wants to be close to you for his own satisfaction. He wants to know that you're okay even after he had treated you disrespectfully. This is why he wants you to move on, so he can forgive himself...

    I would say find someone without baggage, if there is a mention of an ex, run... run fast and run far (for future reference)... Don't call him again, tell him that you're hurt and don't let him explain himself or try to seek any form of acceptance or forgiveness from you, he doesn't deserve it, he wasn't okay with you and he needs to face it for himself.

    Hope this gives you some insight.

    You'll put it all behind you in due time, I know it sucks right now.

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  • Tell him you need space. Too early to try to be friends. That will come.

    How do you know when you can handle being friends? Easy. If you could watch him get married and not give a shit- then you're ready. Til then-stay away

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    • . . . ad for 99% of the people on the planet, that means they'll never be ready. Being friends with an ex is almost impossible.

What Girls Said 26

  • ... He claimed that he's not ready for a relationship and wish some time apart...
    It's the old excuse, a lame duck one to boot here, dear, that with him Telling you This, 'Broke up with me out of the blue,' and is now wanting you both to be these buds to the end sort of thing, He is having his sweet cake and it eating it Two...
    He still wants you around, you both have this history that you have shared, and without Missing the Kissing, it is easier, more comfy to have you as his bed pal than to find someone else whom he he is not so much like two birds of a feather, without Actually Sticking together.
    He is telling you 'It will take time.' From where I am sitting, this could be a lifetime... who has That much time? You need to be your own straw boss, lay a few ground rules down yourself and tell him You will 'Move on' and be these friends with No... Benefits.
    If it will hurt less, little as possible contact to lick some of your war wounds and get on with your own life, not having to feel like the Monkey in the middle.
    The more you do some soul searching, the more it should make you mad as a wet hen that he thinks he can get over on you and make you feel... I can't put him down.
    Good luck. xx

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  • Giving someone time to move on is just that. Leave him alone. Make him miss you a little bit to let him know that you matter, if that's the case. If he's asking for one thing but really wanting another, he's putting insurance on his bad behaviour toward you and that's not fair to you.

    He's playing cat-n-mouse with you by letting you go, but pulling you back in with frequent texts and wanting to be friends. It just doesn't work like this with exes. You either are together or you're not. So rarely does friendship work because both of you need to be void of feelings. You clearly still have feelings, and he's just looking for a reason to be an ass in case he hurts you by warning you that he did ask for distance.

    Well, I'm sorry you're going through this, but I have to say he's not being fair to you. You have needs too, and whatever his issues were before with some other girl, he's punishing you for by yanking you in different directions trying not to get hurt. If he's all for moving on and getting ready, then he needs to let you go. If he is NOT willing to do that, you need to have a conversation with him to either shit or get off the pot and be with you. His excuse to 'need time' can be done WITH you in his life, making you a priority - not making you pay for her mistakes and hope he sees you differently. You ARE different and he should not be looking backward anymore. What possible good does that do? If you have a talk and he still puts insurance on his actions, you need to ask yourself if you can do this for the rest of your life because he will always be the guy looking for an out that will try and make him not look like such an ass by telling you he gave you full warning that he might say or do something hurtful because of some other girl. Sorry. Not good enough as far as I'm concerned. He should be a big boy and know a good things when it's right in front of him and devote himself to YOU, now and the future and not his past.

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  • This is never good. Ok. First off i see you still hurting for this guy is ok let me help you. Remember this guy is not as sweet as u thought he was. It took him a whole year to decide he wasn't ready for a relationship? What an azz. Let me tell you, for you it seemed he broke up with u out he blue, reality is he was planning this for quite a while. You still feel the same? Ok, he want to be friends haha thats never going to work. Why? because he broke ur heart by lying to you all this year. You think he's happy when he sees you, more now that he can breath because he's not your "boyfriend" anymore. Sorry, to put it like this, but gotta say it. See, in our mind we only want to remember good things and ask ourselfs how n why this happened, but what we do is actually hurting ourselfs more by not accepting reality. My advice is to block him of your head n ignore him at school. If he says anything why you doing it, tell him am trying to move on n i need my space so when i say hello again you can count am passed you n nope won't even need your sorry explanations. Hmm, you can say that or not lol just me :))

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    • yes it make a lot of sense. I thought about that too. I guess i've came to a point where i just don't wanna give a shit about him. Not even think about him anymore.. I just don't understand why he did all this that's it. But i guess that don't matter anymore.

    • Show All
    • Unfortunately yes it can be, but that's how we get stronger (Given that we have the right mindset).

  • My policy is that if you have to cry, have only one tear and move on. I get over my boyfriends in a day. No joke

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    • I got over mine of 4 years after 2 weeks. Guy cheated one thats why

    • yea i know, im actually kinda over him now too. I won't sit and cry like a bitch that's he's gone. I dont care anymore he can do whatever he wants with his life :D #happynfree

  • Distance yourself from him and give yourself space from him. Cutting off all contact with him will really help you move on, its effective of course. I've done the no contact rule in my last relationship and it helped me move on so much. If you two go to school together act like you don't see him, that's what I do. It makes life a whole lot easier. Please do not bother being friends with him, its a waste of time just try to move on, but take baby steps. Since he broke up with you out of the blue ( the same thing has happened to me) I would suggest that he just wants to keep you around as a friend or whatever. Quit talking to him for now and stay away from him. You will fall out of love with him with time.

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  • He's using the "I'm not ready for a relationship" excuse. Why would he suddenly break up with you? You obviously need to find someone else who won't waste your time. He doesn't deserve your friendship at all. I know it hurts but it's time to move on. Don't be stuck on a guy who doesn't want to be with you.

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  • Your ex wants to sleep around, this happened to my friend when we were a few years younger. Basically he is young and wants to sleep around but keep you hanging incase, and he will encourage you to "stay pure" and wait for him and he will EVENTUALLY and maybe come back but who knows. He is a user so please please you can get a better guy and fast too!

    my friend lost her virginity to her bf, they dated for about a year, he dumped her had a few sluts, than realized what he lost and wanted her back... TOO bad she already had a new bf because she was a pretty girl and sweetheart too. !

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  • I really think he cares about you, but in a friendly way. He's the one who called off the relationship and has even told you to move on. So If I were you, as much as it may hurt, just forget about him and move on.

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  • I'm sorry this happened to you. I think he's feeling guilty because he's letting a great girl go, and if I'm not wrong it's because he's not "feeling it". It's a difficult pill to swallow after all the good times both persons had with each other.

    It's a pretty sticky situation you have there, I've never had broken up with someone I had to continue seeing everyday in my life (each of my relationship ends with me or the guy relocating to a new place). I hope you find someone who can give you all of him - that's also what you deserve.

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  • He doesn't really want you to move on. He may not be ready for a relationship but he also does not want you to be with anyone which is why he is playing mind games and making sure its hard for you to get over him. The way that you are feeling right now is exactly how he wants you to feel. You're gonna have to just ingore him don't speak or even look his way.

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    • what? why? dosen't he want me to move on? like seriously what the fck... he broke my heart, playing mind games with me, telling me to move on but sending me his pictures like he wants me to remember him always and still wants me to be friends. It's like he's a girl on period!

    • He wants you to be available when he is ready to be in a relationship or when things don't work out with someone else.

  • I think he just realized he's not ready/too young/too immature to be in a committed relationship. Nothing wrong with that. Better be honest with himself than have a gf and cheat on the side what plenty of guys do in their teens and early twenties. He still likes you as a person, therefore he'd like to be friends with you especially in a uni where he doesn't know many people yet.

    However, I think it's best for you if you cut all ties. It's easier for you to move on without a constant reminder.

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    • he's 27 though, and he does have friends here in my uni too. So i don't think that's why he still wants to keep me around :\

    • Even though he has other friends, he can still like you too as a friend and want you around :/

  • don't waste your time girl he is playing with u someday u will find the right guy who really care about you I know it's hard cuz I guess u still love him but time will help u to forget about him. try to stay busy or start dating new guys u are young and pretty and u have nothing to lose

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  • OMG this has just happened to me too! apart from we were together for 2 months... this happened on Monday just gone and he's over me already, he wants to still be friends but he is being so harsh about it and saying i have to move on for when i see him with another girl! i can't do that it hurts like hell!!!

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    • i know girl.. i know how u feels :( well, what did u do then? for me i had stopped talking to him completely, deleted everything and pray like fuck not to run into him again at school. -_-

    • we don't go to school together, I can't pluck up the courage not to talk to him! I have his number still and we still text sometimes, I really love him still and can't delete his number!

  • I got the same bullshit speech. Now we're friends with benefits and I'm basically just wasting my time. I'm just not strong enough to let go right now and his mixed signals don't help.

    Stay strong and positive! Don't bother him about the break up and focus on you. Try to show him you're better without him!

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  • He just want to string you alone fucking with you every time he calls you for a booty call. The past is called that for a reason so you'll leave it there. Be a super bitch to him he won't wanna be friends for long. Go on with yo bad self and love life while living in the present.

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  • I think he really wanna be friends and he's just being friendly he's probs not very thoughtful or doesn't realize his friendliness is hurting/confusing u. I gueas u can ask him to ignore n not make contact with u if he really doesn't have any feelings left for u. If he cares about u as a friend he would do that for u.

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  • it always takes time to move on from a relationship. But wether or not you guys can be friends depends on your own mental state. I'm still getting over my ex but we were forced to be at least civil because we have a kid together.
    in short, don't force yourself, take your time and if you need more space then he's giving you then just be honest with him.

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  • Ditch him. Dont text him, dont call, dont hug - move on. If you really must have friends, go out and make girlfriends and leave this dude alone... he's trying to string you along and you deserve better but you have to believe that first

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  • sounds he just likes to rebound. god, such a d! ck.

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  • I think that he doesn't want to lose your friedship just because u guys stoppe dating.

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  • forget about him. he will call you back

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    • nope! :D he won't. trust me

  • Good gosh what a jerk! Avoid him at all costs until you've completely moved on. Focus on your studies and spend more time with friends.

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  • It seems obvious that he likes you as a person but doesn't like the relationship aspect of you and him.

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  • It's hard to say. Maybe he still cares about you but just doesn't want a relationship with you.
    Distance is the best thing and time will help a lot

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    • i don't know... honestly i thought about that too. But really what was he thinking then? "oh i really like this girl but i dont feel like i want to be with her just yet. I'll keep her as a friend and when i feel like i want a girlfriend, i'll have her as my gf again :D " really? meh...

  • I think that he is confused and don't know what he wants. I think he still seeing if there is room for a relationship in the future. It's so messed up of him to do this and transfer to your uni after you all just broke up. I honestly don't think he is over you. Just date other guys to get over him.

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  • If he wants to be friends he just wants to know your business.
    Also, I've been friendzoned twice in my life. I found out that they both had other women on the go.

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    • what do u mean by know your business? like they still want to know what's happening in your life?
      I actually think that he has other woman too...

    • Yeah, he's just wanting to Keep tabs on you.
      It's not a good thing he's suggested. I'd leave permanently. Move on and live happier

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