Ex boyfriend broke up with me, wants to be friends with me but want me to move on? Why?

My ex boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me out of the blue. I know he had some issues about his past relationship but this happened so suddenly, i never thought he'd do that. He claimed that he's not ready for a relationship and wish to have some time apart. But he still wants us to be friends. He would sometimes texts me asking how i am and even run into each other once of twice. ( He had transfered to my uni after the break up)

At first i thought he's an ass for doing this to me and i decided to forget about him and move on. But one day i ran into him at school and then only i knew from him that he will study here in my uni from now on. We talked for a while, and he hugged me and left. This changes everything... whenever i see him in school he will always greet me with a big smile and i can feel he's happy to see me somehow.

I hate the fact that i have to admit i still love him, after how much he reminded me the times we're together. How everything used to be but now we're nothing more than friends. I wanted him to be clear to me. So i texted him one night, telling him how i felt..

He said it will take time. He knew that im not over him, and said i could just ignore him if i dont feel well when i see him again at school. And he said he'll give me time to move on. And when i do, talk to him again so we can be friends.

What is he thinking? Seriously, it hurts me so bad.. What do he want from me? I will never be able to move on while he's stuck here in my life. I can't put him down. Help, what should i do? :'(
Updates:
I did remember once he kinda mentioned he wasn't really satisfied with me in bed. If that's the reason why he wanna break up with me, then he's an total ass 100% guarantee no doubt.

Guys, just letting you know that thanks so much for leaving all your opinions. I've been feeling a lot better lately cuz Im pretty busy with school assignments and projects lately and its good, it distracted me from this mess. And hanging out with friends as u guys suggested works great.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Start dating other guys. Soon you will develop a relationship and have the same types of feelings for a new guy. You'll be surprised how much you care about the new guy when you thought that no one else in the world excecpt old boyfriend could evoke those feelings.

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    • i guess u're right...

Most Helpful Girl

  • This is never good. Ok. First off i see you still hurting for this guy is ok let me help you. Remember this guy is not as sweet as u thought he was. It took him a whole year to decide he wasn't ready for a relationship? What an azz. Let me tell you, for you it seemed he broke up with u out he blue, reality is he was planning this for quite a while. You still feel the same? Ok, he want to be friends haha thats never going to work. Why? because he broke ur heart by lying to you all this year. You think he's happy when he sees you, more now that he can breath because he's not your "boyfriend" anymore. Sorry, to put it like this, but gotta say it. See, in our mind we only want to remember good things and ask ourselfs how n why this happened, but what we do is actually hurting ourselfs more by not accepting reality. My advice is to block him of your head n ignore him at school. If he says anything why you doing it, tell him am trying to move on n i need my space so when i say hello again you can count am passed you n nope won't even need your sorry explanations. Hmm, you can say that or not lol just me :))

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    • yes it make a lot of sense. I thought about that too. I guess i've came to a point where i just don't wanna give a shit about him. Not even think about him anymore.. I just don't understand why he did all this that's it. But i guess that don't matter anymore.

    • Show All
    • Unfortunately yes it can be, but that's how we get stronger (Given that we have the right mindset).

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 22

  • move on babe. he's keeping u around for relationship security (on a hook) like a fish. Cut the line and swim free my dear and no happiness with someone who will appreciate everything u have to give in this life, dont waste ur life being miserable. i wish u the best babe

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  • It is possible to move on under these circumstances if you adopt the right mentality and, as your ex said, give it time. There are basically two ways to get over someone: one is to focus on your feelings of spite and put (emotional) distance between yourself and the person you're trying to get over in an attempt to counteract the feelings of love, and the other is to do precisely the opposite, that is to embrace the feelings you still have for them and to accept the fact that, at this point, your feelings aren't the same, remaining friends and allowing yourself to be confronted with the fact that it's over every time you hang out.

    Whichever method is most effective (and most healthy) depends on what kind of relationship you had and the kind of break-up you went through. If the person in question was an a-hole who you became emotionally dependent on, then the former option would definitely be the better one, whether if they were actually decent and it ended simply because you weren't right for each other, then the latter option usually is.
    Oftentimes people will take the former option regardless of the situation, generally because the latter is more confrontational and it's more difficult to recover your self-confidence. Plus, it takes a lot of discipline not to become too hopeful again.
    The best way to (in my experience) to overcome these obstacles is to focus on your role as a friend. Once you start behaving a certain way, your feelings have a tendency to match up with that, so if you start behaving and treating someone as a friend, you'll start feeling more like a friend and feeling more like they are a friend to you.

    Of course, in whatever case both feelings of spite and lingering love are going to play a huge role and it's important to allow yourself to feel those feelings, even if you don't want to feel them (anymore). It's just part of the process.

    Either way, I wish you luck. Don't worry, you'll get there. :)

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  • You should really work on finding someone new. It's a really shitty situation you are in. Until you find a new person that brings all of those geelings into play, you are going to have these lingering feelings. My advice is to avoid him as much as you can, don't talk or text, and find someone nee to persue.

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    • i probably won't use the method "to get over someone is to go under someone else". I dont feel like i wanna get into another relationship that quick yet. I just want to be alone these days.

  • ANSWER: You CAN move on, and you WILL. Your ex is playing you. I'm pretty sure I know what he was, and is, up to.
    What you must do to be back to normal ASAP is to break off all contact with your ex.: 1) Don't read any texts from him. 2) Don't take any of his calls. 3) Don't speak to him. 4) Do your best not to run into him; take different routes to your destinations if there are places where you usually run into him. Should you run into him, just say that you're in a hurry and keep walking.

    DETAILS
    Being in college, you're probably 19 - 22 y/o. I'm 48, thus I've experienced many more girl/boy situations than you have, and I'm aware of most bullshit stories guys tell their girlfriends and of those that girls tell their boyfriends. Please understand, I just have more experience than you and I'm a guy. I'm not implying that I'm any smarter than you, and I'm not an arrogant person, but if you take my advice then you'll be yourself again in a few weeks.
    The ex was and is up to something, and he's a coward.
    Perhaps the ex was not fully satisfied in bed, although that's very unlikely. But let's say he had a concern, were you supposed to read his fucking mind? It was his responsibility to tell you precisely: 1) What he wanted you to do for him that you weren't doing; 2) What he wanted to do with or to you; or 3) What he wanted you to do differently. It's your body, thus no one has the right to touch you in any way that makes you uncomfortable.

    This was by far the most likely scenario BEFORE you broke up: He started banging some skank, and at some point he decided he'd rather be with her enough to want you out of the picture.
    This is what he's up to NOW: He's being nice to you because although he's still with the skank, he wants to have sex with you as well "on the side." Or he may or may not be with the skank, but he wants you as a "friend with benefits."
    I wish you well.

    This is independent of your question: It's very important to improve your writing before graduation.

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  • If you truly move on, you will not want to be friends with this guy. You were just filling up an empty slot in his life until something better came along. If that's his idea of dedication, who needs him? Answer: not you!

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  • You need find other guy (s) to date always remember a ex is ex for reason

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  • When your ex doesn't move on it's more
    scary
    than sad.
    my cute pie tried to kill me 4 times
    4 fucking times before she moved on
    .
    We to be honest I kinda liked her when she tried to kill me.
    Twisted ayt it?

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  • You simple need to wake up, reality is a bitch, trust me it's hard to get over any ex if you still "talk" to them. Me personally i would just say hi maybe but not talk anymore, at least not for 6 months or so so i can get over them.
    Just member, it's over. What was he thinking? Mt guess is that maybe he found someone else or maybe you just weren't right for him.

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  • Sounds like he just wants to keep you around as back up incase he doesn't get enough attention or sex from other possible mates

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    • If that's the case then i guess i've just lost faith in men.

  • He's a moron. On one hand he wants to stay friends with you which is completely UNREALISTIC AND IMPOSSIBLE and on the other hand he wants you to move on. Now tell me wheres the fucking logic in that?

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What Girls Said 26

  • ... He claimed that he's not ready for a relationship and wish some time apart...
    It's the old excuse, a lame duck one to boot here, dear, that with him Telling you This, 'Broke up with me out of the blue,' and is now wanting you both to be these buds to the end sort of thing, He is having his sweet cake and it eating it Two...
    He still wants you around, you both have this history that you have shared, and without Missing the Kissing, it is easier, more comfy to have you as his bed pal than to find someone else whom he he is not so much like two birds of a feather, without Actually Sticking together.
    He is telling you 'It will take time.' From where I am sitting, this could be a lifetime... who has That much time? You need to be your own straw boss, lay a few ground rules down yourself and tell him You will 'Move on' and be these friends with No... Benefits.
    If it will hurt less, little as possible contact to lick some of your war wounds and get on with your own life, not having to feel like the Monkey in the middle.
    The more you do some soul searching, the more it should make you mad as a wet hen that he thinks he can get over on you and make you feel... I can't put him down.
    Good luck. xx

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  • I have felt like that before. I just could never be only friends with a guy that I am in love with. I remember a guy who i was crazy in love with but i guess i loved him more than he loved me which is why it was easy for him to say he wanted to be friends. I just couldn't do it. I told him Im too in love so there is no way i could pretend that I am not and watch you date other girls or other girls flirt with you. I would hurt every single day if you kept me in your life only for me to just watch you move on with me still wanting you. I told him that it would feel like torture, the constant yurning for you and you not reciprocating.

    I told him that I need time to get over him before i could just be friends and then he said that he understood. And I actually did get over him. I had to completely distance myself from him in order to do it. No seeing him or talking to him or anything because I wanted to make sure the feelings of me loving him were completely gone.

    I ended up meeting someone else and fell in love and we are still together today. Distancing myself from that old guy was the best thing i could do becasue if he was still around in my life then there would be no way for me to meet my fiance because I would constantly be stuck on him, a guy who could never love me back, instead of meeting a guy that actually does want me and to marry me at that.

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  • Giving someone time to move on is just that. Leave him alone. Make him miss you a little bit to let him know that you matter, if that's the case. If he's asking for one thing but really wanting another, he's putting insurance on his bad behaviour toward you and that's not fair to you.

    He's playing cat-n-mouse with you by letting you go, but pulling you back in with frequent texts and wanting to be friends. It just doesn't work like this with exes. You either are together or you're not. So rarely does friendship work because both of you need to be void of feelings. You clearly still have feelings, and he's just looking for a reason to be an ass in case he hurts you by warning you that he did ask for distance.

    Well, I'm sorry you're going through this, but I have to say he's not being fair to you. You have needs too, and whatever his issues were before with some other girl, he's punishing you for by yanking you in different directions trying not to get hurt. If he's all for moving on and getting ready, then he needs to let you go. If he is NOT willing to do that, you need to have a conversation with him to either shit or get off the pot and be with you. His excuse to 'need time' can be done WITH you in his life, making you a priority - not making you pay for her mistakes and hope he sees you differently. You ARE different and he should not be looking backward anymore. What possible good does that do? If you have a talk and he still puts insurance on his actions, you need to ask yourself if you can do this for the rest of your life because he will always be the guy looking for an out that will try and make him not look like such an ass by telling you he gave you full warning that he might say or do something hurtful because of some other girl. Sorry. Not good enough as far as I'm concerned. He should be a big boy and know a good things when it's right in front of him and devote himself to YOU, now and the future and not his past.

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  • He doesn't really want you to move on. He may not be ready for a relationship but he also does not want you to be with anyone which is why he is playing mind games and making sure its hard for you to get over him. The way that you are feeling right now is exactly how he wants you to feel. You're gonna have to just ingore him don't speak or even look his way.

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    • what? why? dosen't he want me to move on? like seriously what the fck... he broke my heart, playing mind games with me, telling me to move on but sending me his pictures like he wants me to remember him always and still wants me to be friends. It's like he's a girl on period!

    • He wants you to be available when he is ready to be in a relationship or when things don't work out with someone else.

  • My policy is that if you have to cry, have only one tear and move on. I get over my boyfriends in a day. No joke

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    • I got over mine of 4 years after 2 weeks. Guy cheated one thats why

    • yea i know, im actually kinda over him now too. I won't sit and cry like a bitch that's he's gone. I dont care anymore he can do whatever he wants with his life :D #happynfree

  • He's using the "I'm not ready for a relationship" excuse. Why would he suddenly break up with you? You obviously need to find someone else who won't waste your time. He doesn't deserve your friendship at all. I know it hurts but it's time to move on. Don't be stuck on a guy who doesn't want to be with you.

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  • don't waste your time girl he is playing with u someday u will find the right guy who really care about you I know it's hard cuz I guess u still love him but time will help u to forget about him. try to stay busy or start dating new guys u are young and pretty and u have nothing to lose

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  • I really think he cares about you, but in a friendly way. He's the one who called off the relationship and has even told you to move on. So If I were you, as much as it may hurt, just forget about him and move on.

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  • I got the same bullshit speech. Now we're friends with benefits and I'm basically just wasting my time. I'm just not strong enough to let go right now and his mixed signals don't help.

    Stay strong and positive! Don't bother him about the break up and focus on you. Try to show him you're better without him!

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  • He just want to string you alone fucking with you every time he calls you for a booty call. The past is called that for a reason so you'll leave it there. Be a super bitch to him he won't wanna be friends for long. Go on with yo bad self and love life while living in the present.

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