Guys, if you had to end a close friendship with a girl?

... why would you just cut her off completely, give a "legitimate" excuse but then not clarify even as she agreed to stop being friends but asked you to not ignore her requests for an explanation, and not even tell your other friends what you'd done (until she went to them for advice), not even your own brother?

we're talking a very close 3+ year friendship, and the guy thinking/saying he's "getting in the way" of the me finding someone and "wanting to avoid hurt" if the time came that I found someone and had to drift away from him. yet doesn't explain why he's suddenly decided this step was necessary.

what do you think would be running through his head/do you think it's because it hurts him to deal with [some issue] that he's therefore completely ignored me/hasn't told others/apparently refuses to tell them much (I've tried to see if he'll at least explain to them if not to me)? they're all like "yeah he doesn't seem to want to talk about it" and even his brother said "I have no idea why, he doesn't want to give me a straight answer."

Updates:
Anyone? I know it's a confusing question but I appreciate opinions...
why do you think he would act obnoxiously almost as if he wanted me to dislike him? I realized tonight that he never acted like he disliked me, but he did actively do things that bugged me. more efficient pushing me away? trying to get me to stay away instead of continuing to ask why? trying to make it easier on both of us?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You don't know about guys much , do you? We tend to solve the problem ourself and not bothered anyone. We don't talk about our " feeling".

    My guess is
    A). he too much of a pussy and/or not confident enough to go for you. So after 3 year+ of bitching around , playing with joke and casual flirt! he tired of it and confused. He want a fresh start with a new girl. Too much stress.
    B). He never like you more than friend. He friendzone you a long time ago but as a good close friend, felt sorry for you and hope you found someone good to marry/etc. the text about " oh I can't go for her anyway" was just a moment of weakness and he really is just joking and flirting around like always.

    You going around bothering his friend and family to get him to talk will not help. Let him deal with his issues by himself like a man. He will be ready to talk when he is ready.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Same did the same thing to this girl I like he really like you btwants you to be happy but you won't find someone if he is there so he leaves. it really hurts doing this for us but it something that if you truly want them to be happy you gotta go. i still think about her after 5 months of not talking to her. she has a bf now and ya. Hope he makes her happy

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    • my interpretation (based on a looot of other stuff he's done over the past few years) is that he is in love with me but thinks he can't be with me based on something that happened a month or so ago (he texted a friend "joking" that "it's not like I had a chance with her anyway lol jk") and so is trying to leave before he gets hurt. and isn't explaining because he can't tell me how he feels. That's what I think has happened, God willing.
      (a) does that make sense (it's very similar to what you said happened to you) and (b) do you think I'm being stupid in trying to get him to tell me what's happened instead of just letting it go? friends are like "wait *you guys* have stopped being friends?" and have been trying to prod some kind of explanation out of him but he seems to pretty much not want to talk about it including to his brother and best friend. so I don't know if it's a bad idea or not - I want to know but I also don't want to hurt him.

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    • I hope she is happy and he dosen't brake her heart i just wanted to see her smile the first day i met her. She may have taken my happiness for awhile but at least she is happy unlike before

    • hi, why do you think he would act obnoxiously almost as if he wanted me to dislike him? I realized tonight that he never acted like he disliked me, but he did actively do things that bugged me. more efficient pushing me away? trying to get me to stay away instead of continuing to ask why? trying to make it easier on both of us?

  • You might have done aomething that has hurt him emotionally something that he can't talk about. You have to see how you might have hurt him. Dont talk about cutting off! I knew of a girl who just lost interest in me and cut me off! she is such bitch yet I still want to talk to her. See what this girl has done to me?

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    • oh no he cut me off, I was like "wait what?"
      for about a month he's been acting like a jerk and I finally asked if he was trying to push me away so as not to get hurt if I ended up with someone else (right now I can't be with him and he knows it). and he said yes. then he added that his hanging out with me might be interfering with me finding someone so I said ok... and I said ok I guess we shouldn't talk that much either if you want? and he basically agreed

      and then once I realized there were a few missing pieces to what he'd said and asked for an explanation, he ignored my upset messages. he hasn't told anyone - his own brother found out from me, and couldn't get a full explanation out of him. ("I have no idea why, he doesn't want to give me a straight answer.") His best friend didn't know either. It's like he cut me off and then retreated inward for a week).
      (he did tell me once that if I ever left he thought he wouldn't be able to do much for a week becuase he'd be really sad

  • Because he likes you but you just want to be friends and it hurts him cause he wants more than that and he's tired of watching from the side lines so hed rather just quit and start fresh

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    • I actually really like him but at the moment I can't be with him and I suppose he thinks I'll never want to be - he sent a "joking" (?) text to a friend that said "it's not like I had a chance with her anyway lollll jk"

      I've tried to express it but... yeah.

    • So thats why he wants out look it sucks to watch the woman you like be with someone else and be her friend and hear her complain about the relationship and know you could treat her better it sucks even more when she won't date you but tells you "i wish i could meet a guy like you"

    • so you think he thinks he's not the right guy for me so he's trying to make me happy anyway? :'(

      he's acted all funny and "oh suddenly happens to like x random girl" the last couple of times an "alpha male" type guy has shown legitimate interest in me and I was sort of interested back. even if i've made it (I thought) clear that I'm not actually planning to do anything about it.

      (I want him specifically, one day, God willing. I'm not sure he's aware of this, although we've joked about living in the same city one day etc., and I don't know if I can tell him right now. I've tried to make it clear without outright saying it but... yeah.)

What Girls Said 1

  • He obviously have feelings for you. Did you tell him that you aren't interested in him?

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    • no :( but something happened about a month ago that - well, let's just say *as he is right now* I can't be with him, but I think he's thinking that means I don't want him. I actually really like him but yeah. see huge comment above - I'm not sure if I'm being stupid in trying to get him to tell me why he's decided to vanish.

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    • You're welcome. I'm here should you feel the need to talk more about it, or anything else for that matter. I'm sure things will work out great for you two. Best wishes.

    • hi, why do you think he would act obnoxiously almost as if he wanted me to dislike him? I realized tonight that he never acted like he disliked me, but he did actively do things that bugged me. more efficient pushing me away? trying to get me to stay away instead of continuing to ask why? trying to make it easier on both of us?

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