My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years now... it seems like all we do is fight, we try to make up and move passed everything but lately it seems hard. He annoys me very easily, and he will say rude stuff not meaning to. How do we reconnect and get back to where we use to be?
Most Helpful Girl
that's a tough one...
First thing to do is get out of the vicious circle you are in. You fight, get annoyed, this leads to lack of patience, which leads to another fight and so on and so on. My guess is you stopped talking and listening right?
You two need to get back to the roots. Remember why you are together, what is it that you love about each other. Sit down together and make a list of all the things you appreciate about each other. only the positive stuff. show appreciation for the other person.
Now, make another list, this one is about what bothers you. Things that need to change for each of you to improve the relationship.
Now, before you show each other the lists, make a promise to be objective and to not start fighting. This is about having an open an honest conversation.
Go though the lists together, talk about the bad stuff and why it happens. Say why something annoys you. Talk about how it can be improved. Ask what each can do to make it better. Be open to compromise and be willing to accept critizism.
Now that you have layed the cards on the table, make a plan for moving forward. Maybe start a date night tradition. Make it a habit to send each other a random nice text message during the day. Pick up a new hobby together. Whatever you think that might work for you two.
For the future, learn to pick your battles. Try not to fight over trivial stuff. If you feel mad, count to 10 (or 50) before saying anything, once you calmed down, say what and why it bothers you in a calm objective way.
Don't say "you never" "you always" "if only you would..." it puts the other person in defense mode right away, because instead of dealing with the issue you are attacking the person. Instead, say, "this annoys me because it isn't the first time it happens and I wish WE could find a way to avoid it"
You two are supposed to be a team, not opponents.
I hope this helps :-) good luck!1