I embarrassed myself by calling Latin food "Spanish". I didn't know how to dance to Spanish music one time. Back then he said he understood because I wasn't around it like he was growing up. I didn't know who Cesar Chavez and not a lot about S. American culture. Yesterday he said he doesn't understand why I didn't know those things when I have Latino nephews. I told him I wasn't exposed to the culture much, I hardly see my nephews, heard other people call Latin food Spanish, etc. He said all he's hearing is excuses and that I'm only looking outward with no introspection on why *I* haven't considered it and he thinks that's really entitled and privilaged. He got angry that I used the US and America interchangably. He said" I think you call it that for the same reason that you said "Spanish food" & it's insulting that you don't own up to it." That I don't have a good grasp on privilege and entitlement. I told him I thought he was pointing out my Latino nephews because of a belief that it should have given me more opportunies to gain knowledgeable about the culture and that's why I explained the lack of exposure. He said "You really need to stop, you're digging youself a hole. I like you, but the more you talk, with no introspection or knowledge about entitlement, privilege, microaggressions and oppression, the more I want to stop talking to you. It makes me not like you very much and not like who I am becoming and how I'm responding to you."I asked if he wanted to break up then. He said his view of me is very skewed at the moment and not very positive. But it would be good to talk face to face. I agreed. Then he said he was on the way home. He said, "I'm home safe. Well, goodnight" when he got in. Nothing since. He has a tendency to stop initiating contact for 2-3 days after arguments. I reached out the last few times. What do you guys think and should I wait for him to come to me?
Most Helpful Girl
I didn't bother reading the whole just the question and first three sentences. Lightly skimmed
But let me tell you a thing about cross cultural dating from the perspective of a minority whose been there. "Also have several cross cultural marriages in the family"
First and foremost I'm on your side. If I were you I wouldn't be embarrassed actually I'd be upset. However, I can understand your boyfriends angle, I mean I know what he's trying to accomplish but he's going about it the wrong way.
When I cross cultural date, I already have it set in my head that I'm going to learn his favorite traditional meals, music, clothing, language, religion, caste, dating/marriage struggle, civil struggles if need be. "Without having to be asked"
I know it may sound objectifying to some but really it will help you understand the person you're dating on a whole new level, it'll make things less awkward not only for you both but when family comes in the picture too, I also think it can reduce clashes..
It can also be a very fun experience learning about each other's culture. If you don't want it to be a library project, bring into your dating realm. Want to learn some Latin dances book a surprise date night at a dance studio. He wants you to learn his food have a Netflix date and you two can make it together. Go on vacation to his home town.. Etc
On the opposing end, I think your boyfriend is being a bit of an A**. He came in with a lot of pre assumptions and expectations. Will everything I mentioned above help.. "Hell yes" do you have to do it "No", why "because there isn't a ring on your finger and assuming this isn't long term yet" so he's jumping the gun. And ready to defend his actions and culture as well.
He should know that it's unrealistic to expect someone to know everything about their culture, he should be approaching this with a "let me teach you attitude" instead of "playing the political blame game"
You two need to sit and have a talk about cultural expectations1
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