21 days after she "dumped" me and I went no contact and she contacts me... What gives?

I was in a whatevership with a girl (28) and I am 38. We both have children the same age, 10. We pregressed in this relationship with very good vibes. Became intimate often after 1 month. As this progressed she never really would express her feelings verbally. However, her actions said she cared about me. She had a friend come out of a relationship and I could tell she giving her a lot of attention in lew of me. No problem, but then out of the blue she says she not being fair to me by not giving me 100%. I said my piece and told her good luck in life.

She is not one to talk about her feelings. so her first message to me was she really wanted the children to get together and play sometime, but the children go to the same school and play with each other all the time. My question is could she possibly just be using this " playdate" to get closer to me since I have not been contacting her?

That is only correspondence and I told her sure that would be fine. I just don't want to be a safety net. Would love her to just tell me she has been silly and w would like to make us work. Just hope I know.

Updates:
I really want to know if this dumper could of had a change of heart. Ladies? Lol

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Not sure, but I think there's something to her suggesting the kids get together and play; especially since they go to school together.

    Maybe she feels she jumped the gun and realizes what a great guy you are. As long as she didn't split with you so she could date someone else and truly was just processing things, then it's up to you to also think about possibly reconciling, because you need to ask yourself if you're willing to go through this with her again.

    Depending on what she says, make sure you let her know she either needs to commit or you can't be a relationship of convenience for her.

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    • I really don't think it was to date other people. We have had this conversation before how i was more commitment guy and she said just not ready. I try and pull away, she says she hates i feel that way and why can't we see where we are later. Then I tell her I can't, then I say I really want her in my life, but I have feelings. You know, back and forth and she used to me filling her love tank and me not getting much verbally she feels close to me.

      This time out of the blue she express that she just not being fair, which I get. However, if she wasn't full of crap she told me that I was the nicest and most amazing man she has been with and that her mom and friends told her she may regret this decision. Then I go no contact, and all of a sudden this. Very confusing, but the kids playing together was part of our weekly routine. I just feel like what you said may be right. She just scared or too prideful at this point to say she messed up. maybe expecting me to take emotional lead again..

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • That's a lot similar to the situation I'm in now. although I didn't express my self, he dumped me but never seemed uninterested since. He snap chatted me before on of his games. Like why that's not necessary. I haven't figured out what to do yet. I think I'll eventually, just text him and start a conversation. And the whole, pay date to get closer could absolutely be her motive, if you still want her go for it. If not don't waste your time.

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    • Thanks. Good luck with your whole deal. I recommend show some feelings If you like him.

What Guys Said 2

  • 21 days or about 3 weeks is proven to be on average the time when the brain peaks feelings of missing someone. So she is probably just vulnerable and missing you. I would guess thats exactly why she wants the playdate because otherwise she wouldn't want to see you at all. Just go in open minded and be fair. Do not bring a negative attitude from how she acted in the past just forget it before you even meet. Make sure you guys talk plenty and take it slow like molasses :) good luck

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    • Thanks for the feedback. My initial thought was the same thing. If you could, what are your thoughts of me playing it slow? Such as that text came through Tuesday, and I said sure, but I haven't text her back to start a conversation or plan. Basically back to normal contact. I am just used to jumping when she says jump. I guess I want a bit of role reversal. My thought is if I become needy she may reconsider her possible change of heart. Thanks for any input.

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    • Exs go one of two ways 99% of the time. They either hate each other and do not want to see each other or they secretly want to get make together and make little moves like this. But just in case that is another reason to take it slow so you do not jump the gun if that is not what she wants. Eventually after a few play dates like I said if you are getting that vibe bring up and lightly talk about the issues of the past you had problems with and how they could change. Be nice about it and not hateful its easy to do that.

    • Thanks for the input again. I just wish she would act like the girl a little bit and give me something emotionaly. I have this fantasy in my head that she does have that mentality of missing me and it is making her think about coming out of her comfort zone. She is really girly, so I am hoping that will come to forefront and she will take a step or leap of faith. I am going on that theory that in her own time she will use this space to go all in if she truly does miss me... Cause believe me brother, I have laid my feelings out there on a platter. Living on a prayer. 😀

  • Maybe she fucked up?

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    • That is what I was hoping for. I just wish she would say that. Maybe she will in time, but I am not going to just express myself without her giving me something, right?

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