I don't know how to take this?

My husband and I have a loveless, careless, boring marriage. I have asked for a divorce multiple times to no avail. He's very controlling and narcissistic and obviously I'm no angel but I can say I have been honest with my unhappiness... to no avail.

Last week was my birthday and my sister's planned to take me out to dinner and arcade games. As soon as I left the house, my husband basically told me to order my dinner and call him so he can pick me up cutting my night short. I felt how controlling that was that I refused to do it. Every hour after that he was blowing up every one of my sister's phone which I ignored. I had a baby sitter ready so he can also do what he wanted in peace but he cancelled with her and decided to mess up my night. I couldn't eat in peace, nor enjoy more time with them. All just because he wanted me as miserable as him at home, bored although he only had himself to blame.

He and my sister were conversing and he began ranting to her about me. I hate that! We don't talk on a day too day basis yet he'll complain and make me look bad to her. She told him if we weren't committed all the way we should divorce but he needs to step it up and make things right. Later on that night, he randomly told me my sister said we should divorce. HE didn't say she also suggested fixing our marriage. In your perception, is this a way of saying that's what he wants?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Just as you've had enough so has he. There comes a breaking point where enough is enough.

    • If only he would voice it with the other person in this relationship, we could do something about it.

    • There is no fixing to do anymore... " I have asked for a divorce multiple times to no avail. He's very controlling and narcissistic and obviously I'm no angel but I can say I have been honest with my unhappiness... "
      You yourself have had it too. The only thing that should be discussed is the separation finalization and the custodial sharing of the children.

    • I agree. Too bad I know he won't do this as civilized as possible

Most Helpful Girl

  • I have a cousin who is married to a man in the army, oolala18. She has been having problems with him for over 5 years now, and finally to the point, where she was forced to put her and the children, one of them a newborn, in a domestic violence shelter. With the help of the shelter, she then took the children, got her self a lawyer and came from Georgia to Upstate and started a new life with the family. She made all her provisions with the help of friends and family close by and even afar and in between, has gone back and forth to Georgia to fight for custody of her kids and to divorce his sorry butt... he is unstable and a scarey individual, which with someone like this, you have to look over her shoulder every minute of the day.
    It's time to pack up, lock, stock and barrel. Get a restraining order against him if you feel he may hunt you down like a rabbit, then go be with your sister or even a friend or a family member.
    The older he gets, the worse he will get. He doesn't sound like he is all wrapped up tight. He isn't Trying to do anything in "Fixing this marriage' and is this Tyrant and straw boss who you could regret being with someday and in some... ugly and terrifying way which will Deal with more than "Blowing up every one of my sister's phone..."
    Good luck and God's blessings. xx

    • This is excellent advice and a great example how women CAN escape controlling assholes like oolala18's.

      I was going to type my opinion, but this pretty much says everything I was going to without the great story Paris13 provided.

    • I believe ill have to deal with the ugly separation and I guess that's why I haven't acted on it.

    • Thank you, yosimitesam... and to you, oolala18, yes, it will be 'ugly..'my cousin has just learned Now as she have to to go back to court in Georgia, that she and the children must return to Georgia by May 15 with the children and go through these "ugly' court proceedings... everyone is devastated, to say the least. Do some soul searching... you never know with a ticking time bomb, what to expect. xx

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Why not just go to an attorney and file a divorce without him knowing.


What Girls Said 3

  • Sounds like you need it for you more than anything. If you feel things are "fubar" then just part ways. Irll be hard at first but it'll get easier. Happier. Just look for a brighter today👍

    • You're right. I'm losing myself at his expense: my liberty, respect, happiness.

    • Sometimes it's hard to let go. But sometimes it's just easier for your own peace..

  • You are fortunate in that you do not have kids; leaving will be easy. Just... go. No tearful goodbyes, no false promises, just go.

    • We do actually. We have 2 boys he's not being an example to.

  • I don't think that not mentioning that your sister suggested fixing the marriage has to mean that he wants the divorce. There could be a number of reasons why he chose to left that part out, and I think the interpretation you are suggesting seems to be the least likely.

    If you want the divorce then go get it. You don't need his permission to get divorced; he cannot force you to stay married to him. It's right that if he wants to make the divorce difficult and more complicated, then he can and will. But the only other alternative to that is staying married to him which you definitely should not. You're only 25, you have your entire life ahead of you and you should not be tied down to a man who treats you this way.

    On a side note: my boyfriend is married. He broke up with his wife years before we met but never got divorced due to the fact that he knows and fears that she'll make it hard for him and that it will cost a lot of money. When he met me he finally decided to start the divorce. This was two years ago, and it still hasn't been finalised. So trust me, I know how hard it can be. His wife never returns documents, then he has to pay more money to send a bailiff to her, etc. It's frustrating and pathetic because she's had two boyfriend's since he moved out and they haven't even seen each other in over two years. Yet she insists on trying to remain married to him for as long as possible. So yes, I know how hard it can be when the other person doesn't cooperate and isn't cilivised about it. I basically cheer myself up with the fact that eventually, the divorce will happen and it will feel amazingly awesome.

    • He has always threatened top make our separation difficult. I been wanting a divorce but I feel bogus admitting it. When I tell him that he had the power top make it seen though things are not that bad. I don't know. Maybe I consider how much worse other relationships are.

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