Boyfriend of 8 years dumped me. But still wants to be in my child's life. He is not her real father. I'm confused, please help?

He has been in her life for a long time. Other times we broke up he stayed in her life and we got back together eventually. But he says he is done for good this time, I don't know if I should let him stay in her life or not. Some say it is a ploy to stay close to me others say he's just trying to be there for my daughter. But if he is done wouldn't it be healthier in the long run for us all to sever ties? I'm confused, I don't want my daughter to be hurt by this she is only 8 years old. I need advice, please help!

  • Sever Ties
    Vote A
  • Let him stay
    Vote B
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Updates:
As I said above I DO NOT WANT HIM TO BE OUT OF HER LIFE, read the full thing people. No it is not about me, I was thinking in the long haul, would it confuse her. I want to do the right thing by her and what she needs. I just wanted advice not criticism.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Is her real add in her life? How long have you been together? If he has been part of her life for a long time, he has genuinely developed fatherly feelings for her.

    How involved does he want to be? Can you accept his friendship and company for some events in her life?

    I think this is touchingly awesome, but I can see it would be hard on you. At her age, assuming he was there for her early years, he is a father figure.

    You need to evaluate what is best for her, a clean break or letting him be there sometimes for her. One thing to consider is if he gets another GF, she may not be willing to tolerate him in contact with an ex about a child who isn't even his and he may break ties anyway. At least that would be a less hurtful and more gradual severing of ties.

    We're it me, I would lay out some ground rules and find out how involved he wants to be. Birthdays and Christmas? Pick up after school for ice cream? These would be cool.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I don't know what will happen in your life.

    I do know that two men I know well, who were step dads to kids, and then separated with those kids mothers, still are the main 'father' in those kids lives.

    I don't know if it's common, but it does happen.

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  • Before I can vote I need to ask how does your daughter feel?

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  • My step dads been in my life since i was 2, blood makes no difference to me in my eyes he is my father. If he's a good step father and he loves her as his own, why sever ties?

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  • Are you serious? Your daughter needs a father figure in her life and you're denying her that? Goodluck finding someone else to be her father figure.

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What Girls Said 5

  • I'm very confused by the fact that you have a guy who stepped up and took care of your daughter, and she isn't his, but now y'all broke-up and he still wants to be your daughter's life and you are questioning if you should let him? What is wrong with you, this isn't about you or your feelings, this is about what's best for your daughter not you. I think your ex is a great guy from what you've said above, not many guys would do what he has done. Does your daughter think or call him dad?

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  • i've never been in this situation but i think if he genuinely loves and cares about your daughter you should allow him too because a child can never have too much love. unfortunately it's not that simple though, he's not legally or morally obligated to stay in her life for the long run so if he really wants to say in her life then he has to be in it for the long haul. that's what i would do at least

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  • Ask your daughter how she feels, 8 year olds are capable of expressing themselves.

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  • Does he love your daughter like his own or something? Sever ties.

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  • My mom and her fiancĂ© were together for 8 years, he knew me since I was 12. Even after they broke up I still wanted him in my life, he was even at my wedding along with my biological father. Even though him and my mom were not married, he was a father figure to me. If you take him away from her, and she has known him all her life, that instability will be very hard for her to overcome. That is a father figure to her, you wouldn't want to detatch her from that.

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