Who normally breaks the "No Contact Rule"?

Question

So who normally is expected to break the no contact rule?
Boy/ Girl? Dumper/Dumpee? The one who was angry/ or the other party?

See this mind baffling thing happened to me
I broke up with someone, not actually sure it not considered a breakup if we weren't officially dating. "but we were recognized as a couple"

The mind baffling thing was it's been almost a year since I dumped him and I overheard his friend, talking about me
it went a little like this

His friend: Well she was mad at him about "something" that was a while ago, I mean she should be over it by now. I'm not sure why she hasn't contacted him yet

Stranger "Mutual Party" = She probably won't talk to him until he talks to her

His Friend: I Don't know I think she's just f**ki with his head

Baffling: Haven't talked to him or even attempted in almost a year "So how am I messing with his head"

I left because some of his friends were really disrespectful so having someone sit next to me and question my authenticity "insult to injury"

When I left I was pretty clear: That I didn't appreciate the negative attention, rumors or disrespect and quite frankly there was no reason for our names to be in the same sentence
Pretty clear that everything we had is now out the window and that I don't tolerate that behavior I mean we're in college "Seriously "

Now you expect me to talk to him... Although he never reached out to me, apologized or anything of such sort but he misses you, so get over it.. O_O

Is it because I was the Dumper? Because I've been reading a lot that people expect the dumper to come back

Updates:

+1 y

I requested to feature this question for fun to see what other people say.. Just generally

But for anyone who reads this later. And/or responds to my personal background story

So I don't have to re explain myself
Before I dumped him, I tried to talk about it several times but he kept just ignoring my attempts

I really just want to hear, who normally is expected to...

Answer 1

BearsAnswers | 79 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Yoda

Nobody should break it. If the relationship didn't work, there is no reason going back to it. It will just end up hurting whoever ends up having a few lingering feelings, or whoever is feeling particularly lonely. And that's the answer to the person that breaks the 'rule'... the person that is feeling lonely. People that have successfully moved on, that have happy, fulfilling lives, have a rich, full life, and don't need to go back in time to try and relive a time that was more fulfilling, even if it was in a doomed relationship. They are the ones that 'remember the good times', and downplay the problems, because they are in a bad place and they look at it as an improvement.

Getting on with your life is not 'fucking with his head'. It's doing what should be done. It is only going to mess with his head if his head is fixated on the highlights of a past that seem better than the reality of the present. It's pretty clear that the problems you had before are STILL problems, given that they are still talking about you behind your back a YEAR later. That is flat out ridiculous.

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4 People

Asker

+1 y
Yeah it's STILL a problem,
I'm out of solutions honestly
with or without contact

2013-2015 I'm still a topic and/or an attack target
Having the conversation again: pointless
Going back pointless:either way I'll probably be treated like crap so at
least leaving left me with my self respect plus I can focus on school work or at least try
Asker

+1 y
It'll die when we graduate
BearsAnswers

+1 y
Yeah, if you are in school together it can be harder to get the separation. Especially high school, as that is a gong show for this kind of situation. College too, if it is small and you share a couple classes. But most college campuses should be big enough that you can get more space. Outside of that, you should be free free free. These are people you definitely want to 'grow out of'. They sound emotionally parasitic.
Show All Show Less
Asker

+1 y
Lol we're in college despite the childish situation
Haha and a big one at that 40k
He's just popular I guess and I'm always out and about at events which means people see me all the time

A part I left out is I actually left campus and transferred to a school a few hours away..
The situation just kind of followed me to my other school, city etc.. everywhere I went someone knew him, so they knew me..

I didn't leave because of him though although distance was a plus..
I had picked up terrible college habits drinking, partying, depression, bad grades.. The situation wasn't helping by any means though

It was like a year and a half of detox for me..
It worked but I still have the parasites
"Uncanny accurate description lol"

I'm going back soon.. So it'll be interesting to see how this plays out
BearsAnswers

+1 y
lol, that was happening at a school that big? That's insane. I feel badly for you, that should have cleared up by now. You need a fumigator or something.
Asker

+1 y
Lol are you offering to do the job haha..
If so you're hired

I think I'll be fine though seriously I have a few pawn pieces left, that I'm saving for emergency

But yeah big campuses are not that big when you're trying to avoid people after a messy breakup - said every person ever
Asker

+1 y
Thanks for the chat :)
I really need them sometime
BearsAnswers

+1 y
lol, any time. I am always just a pm away. Unless I'm asleep. Or out. Or busy. Then I'm a pm+time away.

Answer 2

Asker

Yeah it's STILL a problem,
I'm out of solutions honestly
with or without contact

2013-2015 I'm still a topic and/or an attack target
Having the conversation again: pointless
Going back pointless:either way I'll probably be treated like crap so at
least leaving left me with my self respect plus I can focus on school work or at least try

Answer 3

Asker

It'll die when we graduate

Answer 4

BearsAnswers

Yeah, if you are in school together it can be harder to get the separation. Especially high school, as that is a gong show for this kind of situation. College too, if it is small and you share a couple classes. But most college campuses should be big enough that you can get more space. Outside of that, you should be free free free. These are people you definitely want to 'grow out of'. They sound emotionally parasitic.

Answer 5

Asker

Lol we're in college despite the childish situation
Haha and a big one at that 40k
He's just popular I guess and I'm always out and about at events which means people see me all the time

A part I left out is I actually left campus and transferred to a school a few hours away..
The situation just kind of followed me to my other school, city etc.. everywhere I went someone knew him, so they knew me..

I didn't leave because of him though although distance was a plus..
I had picked up terrible college habits drinking, partying, depression, bad grades.. The situation wasn't helping by any means though

It was like a year and a half of detox for me..
It worked but I still have the parasites
"Uncanny accurate description lol"

I'm going back soon.. So it'll be interesting to see how this plays out

Answer 6

BearsAnswers

lol, that was happening at a school that big? That's insane. I feel badly for you, that should have cleared up by now. You need a fumigator or something.

Answer 7

Asker

Lol are you offering to do the job haha..
If so you're hired

I think I'll be fine though seriously I have a few pawn pieces left, that I'm saving for emergency

But yeah big campuses are not that big when you're trying to avoid people after a messy breakup - said every person ever

Answer 8

Asker

Thanks for the chat :)
I really need them sometime

Answer 9

BearsAnswers

lol, any time. I am always just a pm away. Unless I'm asleep. Or out. Or busy. Then I'm a pm+time away.

Answer 10

MoshingExec | 50 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Xper 7

I don't know why it is an issue for you. It should be water off a ducks back. If you break up with someone I see no point in either person talking to the other unless there are kids involved or some other unique circumstance.

The scenario you paint seems dubious at best. I can't imagine my friends sitting around discussing a failed relationship of mine a year later as if it is a topic of current gossip. I can't imagine guys, specially, mulling over that. Are you sure they weren't talking about someone else?

Regardless, when things end with bad blood then you kind of expect that there will be rumors about you. Comes with the territory. If you think you can clean up after something like that then you are likely wrong. The better question, though, would be why bother?

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4 People

Asker

+1 y
100% sure it was about me, actually they talk about me on the daily bases

I know it's strange, they're strange I've never had this happen before. Some have even went as far as trying to take pictures of me for snapchat to send around. I'm like gossip topic #1 have been for a while. Which is the only reason why I would bother to clean it up. It's difficult to ignore when it's just non stop. I suspect they still talk because he still talks about me.

It definitely was not on good terms. I guess you're right it comes with the territory.

Some odd important factors I left out because it would ruin my identity but it would make everything make sense. As to why people are making a big deal about it. But I could totally PM the odd left out detail.
Azara

+1 y
Noshing guys gossip a lot.
Azara

+1 y
# Moshing

Answer 11

Asker

100% sure it was about me, actually they talk about me on the daily bases

I know it's strange, they're strange I've never had this happen before. Some have even went as far as trying to take pictures of me for snapchat to send around. I'm like gossip topic #1 have been for a while. Which is the only reason why I would bother to clean it up. It's difficult to ignore when it's just non stop. I suspect they still talk because he still talks about me.

It definitely was not on good terms. I guess you're right it comes with the territory.

Some odd important factors I left out because it would ruin my identity but it would make everything make sense. As to why people are making a big deal about it. But I could totally PM the odd left out detail.

Answer 12

Azara

Noshing guys gossip a lot.

Answer 13

Azara

# Moshing

Answer 14

mobilefrequenter

Xper 5

I've been in a similar situation! Ugh, so dumb. I broke up with my ex and he wound up contacting me. I never responded. I'm not mad at him anymore, I just have no interest in revisiting how shitty he was to me in the past. Not worth it!

Here's my rule: if you don't want to talk to him, don't talk to him. It's as simple as that. You broke up for many reasons and you no longer want him in your life. Done! Let his friends and acquaintances be pigs and you move on with your life.

I've never understood this No Contact Rule unless you legitimately wanted to be friends with the ex again. In that case, it shouldn't matter who broke up with who or whatever. Whoever wants to keep contact should contact first.

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1 Person

Answer 15

Azara

Guru

I think gender is irrelevant and technically the person responsible "should" contact to apologize or make amends , though doesn't always work that way. Additionally, if no contact is never contact then there is no reason for either party to say anything.

Just curious if You told him you never want to speak to or be associated with him so If he did contact it'd be disrespecting your assertion which would put you in an awkward spot if you accepted. How would you feel about it?

I tend to avoid definitive statements less I'm absolutely certain I'm done.

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Azara

+1 y
And then I'm done so i wouldn't be expecting contact or be planning on making any.

I don't really use no contact as a " rules". I just stop talking to someone for good if that's my decision if I tell them I need done time away from them though I've never done it in a romantic relationship. I think things should be resolved if possible or be terminated. Nothing good happens anywhere inbetween in my opinion
Asker

+1 y
Yes, pretty much what I said, shortly after I removed all fourm of contact media included.
It was an attempt at permenant termination
I honestly forgot for a while, I figured other people would too. The whole thing would blow over

It didn't, in fact I went to two different schools within this 1 year period. Four hours away from my previous college but in the same state
Schools where I knew no one. Please tell me how, people/guys...
Know ky name, previous school and worse they know about our entire blow out/breakup story Even his own sister recognized me.."we never even met"

The only thing we have in common is this one person. Which is how I always draw this back to him.

So technically he kept his distance but I'm still associated with him. Seemly more known now then before.

So I figured going back to resolve things would maybe help and/or if he still talks so much he might as well just go ahead and ignore everything I said because he hasn't listened this far

Just break contact

Answer 16

Azara

And then I'm done so i wouldn't be expecting contact or be planning on making any.

I don't really use no contact as a " rules". I just stop talking to someone for good if that's my decision if I tell them I need done time away from them though I've never done it in a romantic relationship. I think things should be resolved if possible or be terminated. Nothing good happens anywhere inbetween in my opinion

Answer 17

Asker

Yes, pretty much what I said, shortly after I removed all fourm of contact media included.
It was an attempt at permenant termination
I honestly forgot for a while, I figured other people would too. The whole thing would blow over

It didn't, in fact I went to two different schools within this 1 year period. Four hours away from my previous college but in the same state
Schools where I knew no one. Please tell me how, people/guys...
Know ky name, previous school and worse they know about our entire blow out/breakup story Even his own sister recognized me.."we never even met"

The only thing we have in common is this one person. Which is how I always draw this back to him.

So technically he kept his distance but I'm still associated with him. Seemly more known now then before.

So I figured going back to resolve things would maybe help and/or if he still talks so much he might as well just go ahead and ignore everything I said because he hasn't listened this far

Just break contact

Answer 18

Esplorare

Yoda

So... you left a relationship due to the actions of your ex's friends? Actions that your ex has zero control over? Hmmm... sounds overly-sensitive but alrighty.

No Contact is supposed to be a lifestyle not a rule. You broke up for a really stupid reason based on the info you gave sooo I don't know why they were even talking about you.

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Asker

+1 y
It's not a stupid reason, if people you don't even know constantly were disrespecting you calling you racial slurs, attacking you looks, saying he can do better, trying to get pictures of you while your out at the bar so they can send it to him in attempts to make it look like I'm cheating or something people who just have plain no respect for you

etc when you two never have even been officially introduced or done anything to disrespect that person back

I dare anyone to say that they would put up with that..
I personally tried to talk to him about 3 times about it but he ignored my attempts
So that's what happens
Esplorare

+1 y
Now THAT doesn't sound stupid. The original way you phrased it made it sound petty : /
I mean it's your choice. It's your life... I don't have any place to tell you who and who not to be with. I don't agree with punishing a guy for the actions of his friends. That seems pretty unjust to me but to each is her own. Him ignoring your concerns was also pretty cowardly and ridiculous so I can't really blame you for leaving him. It would have been different had he stuck up for you or something but what gal wants a coward who lets men disrespect his girl? Notta.
Asker

+1 y
The shortened version is because I want more people to answer lol but yeah there are a lot of strange factors in this that led me to do what I did more than what I just told you haha...

And yeah maybe I would've been okay if I had at least some explanation or anything at all from him

I don't know It seemed like the right thing to do at the time

It's had positive and negative effects
Positive: I improved so much
My grades did a 360 literally went from failing classes to like 3.7 and straight A's

Depression: Absolute, I no longer hide, I want to go see my friends, meet new people and party

And I know my limits now "no more substance abuse"

Working again and shameless regardless of who likes me or not
Overall improved..

Negatives: me dumping him made me more known than ever and the situation did not go away completely womp womp
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Asker

+1 y
Trust me I thought about it recently after hearing that but I did so well for myself and I'm almost completely back on my feet

I missed him a lot and we had fun but something about having him in my life took a lot out of me

I wondered if I went back would anything change or has anything but I doubt it

Answer 19

Asker

It's not a stupid reason, if people you don't even know constantly were disrespecting you calling you racial slurs, attacking you looks, saying he can do better, trying to get pictures of you while your out at the bar so they can send it to him in attempts to make it look like I'm cheating or something people who just have plain no respect for you

etc when you two never have even been officially introduced or done anything to disrespect that person back

I dare anyone to say that they would put up with that..
I personally tried to talk to him about 3 times about it but he ignored my attempts
So that's what happens

Answer 20

Esplorare

Now THAT doesn't sound stupid. The original way you phrased it made it sound petty : /
I mean it's your choice. It's your life... I don't have any place to tell you who and who not to be with. I don't agree with punishing a guy for the actions of his friends. That seems pretty unjust to me but to each is her own. Him ignoring your concerns was also pretty cowardly and ridiculous so I can't really blame you for leaving him. It would have been different had he stuck up for you or something but what gal wants a coward who lets men disrespect his girl? Notta.

Answer 21

Asker

The shortened version is because I want more people to answer lol but yeah there are a lot of strange factors in this that led me to do what I did more than what I just told you haha...

And yeah maybe I would've been okay if I had at least some explanation or anything at all from him

I don't know It seemed like the right thing to do at the time

It's had positive and negative effects
Positive: I improved so much
My grades did a 360 literally went from failing classes to like 3.7 and straight A's

Depression: Absolute, I no longer hide, I want to go see my friends, meet new people and party

And I know my limits now "no more substance abuse"

Working again and shameless regardless of who likes me or not
Overall improved..

Negatives: me dumping him made me more known than ever and the situation did not go away completely womp womp

Answer 22

Asker

Trust me I thought about it recently after hearing that but I did so well for myself and I'm almost completely back on my feet

I missed him a lot and we had fun but something about having him in my life took a lot out of me

I wondered if I went back would anything change or has anything but I doubt it

Answer 23

Sippy27

Xper 4

Damn, i really need this answering too! especially the "angry one" bit

In my experience, I guess its the "weaker one", all relationships have a weaker one, the one that needs the other more than they need them. It's not always the girl by any means, guys can be needy as hell.

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5 People

Asker

+1 y
"Damn I really need this answering too"
You and me both buddy ;)

As the angry one, I wouldn't expect the angry one to do the contacting...
Azara

+1 y
I disagree. It really depends on the situation. As another poster says it can be the braver one. Talking again takes a lot of guts esp bc a lot of people look dins upon it. You have to be really thick skinned to do it. Brave or stalker:)

Answer 24

Asker

"Damn I really need this answering too"
You and me both buddy ;)

As the angry one, I wouldn't expect the angry one to do the contacting...

Answer 25

Azara

I disagree. It really depends on the situation. As another poster says it can be the braver one. Talking again takes a lot of guts esp bc a lot of people look dins upon it. You have to be really thick skinned to do it. Brave or stalker:)

Answer 26

Anonymous

My ex contacted me a year after I dumped him, it was a messy break up. He tried to get my attention for a half year. It didn't work. I was over with him. He stopped coming into my circles. Problem was, that we had to enter the same class at college 1,5 year after our break up. I was over him, so we didn't talk in class, but I didn't ignore him, because I was angry anymore at all. He contacts me by mail, and tells me "that he is over it, and he just wants to clean the air between us when we have classes". We mail each other a bit, until he asks for my number again. I don't answer that mail, because I don't want to stay friends with him. Am I over him? Yes, but that doesn't mean that I want to be besties with him. And he luckily stopped contacting me hehe :))) So just forget about people and move on with your life. It doesn't matter, if you're over it or not in their eyes.

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1 Person

Answer 27

macncheese

Xper 6

Well, I experienced it once and it was the Dumper (him), I didn't initiate anything at all after the breakup. On the contrary, I completely froze towards him.
He has a bad habit of coming back so when we broke up last year (he cheated) I made it very clear to him that I will never want to speak to him, ever.
It's always better that way. Exes usually don't mean something good at all.

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Answer 28

CocoRachelle

Guru

It has been my ex boyfriends that contacted me after I broke up with them. They thought if I had some time to think, that I would want them back. Sadly, I did not. I go by the "out of sight, out of mind" philosophy, so I delete them from contacts and social media, and not see them in person, so I move on.

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Answer 29

Anonymous

I think you're completely misunderstanding the point of "no contact".

No contact means no fucking contact until you're OVER the other person and you've moved on. No contact is not a "fix" for a broken relationship. It's a fix for a broken heart.

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10 People

Asker

+1 y
I think you're confused
I didn't contact him, didn't attempt to
It's other people "his friends" who believe I should be running back to him by now

Answer 30

Asker

I think you're confused
I didn't contact him, didn't attempt to
It's other people "his friends" who believe I should be running back to him by now

Answer 31

FallenGirl2015

Xper 5

me I admit I always do I feel stupid too in everyway im like he fucked me and dumped me why im I going toward him he's a douche bag and he would hit and beat me or etc .. like I feel dump at some point and lol I don't know why? :(

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Asker

+1 y
you just really cared I guess...
Love is blinding and emotions will get the best of people sometimes

But don't go back again he sounds terrible.
You may need some help from friends on this one
FallenGirl2015

+1 y
@asker so true and I'm so over him by the way and take care and thnks!!

Answer 32

Asker

you just really cared I guess...
Love is blinding and emotions will get the best of people sometimes

But don't go back again he sounds terrible.
You may need some help from friends on this one

Answer 33

FallenGirl2015

@asker so true and I'm so over him by the way and take care and thnks!!

Answer 34

Anonymous

I always say good morning to my mate even if we had argument in previous night.. i may argue with her but i still love her.. love is more that building opinion against another person.. i taught her how to love in positive way rather than ego-opinion way.

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2 People

Answer 35

Anonymous

No contact isn't a game to get people's attention. It's a method to reduce emotional ties so you can move on to a relationship that works.

For the most part, people's friends will side with them or say things to make them feel better because of their friendship. I wouldn't read too much into it. They're probably just trying to make it seem like their boy is still holding the reigns. After a year, letting go of your emotional baggage will be better.

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1 Person

Answer 36

JustinCaseUDontKnow

Guru

I never had this problem after me and girl broke up that was it we had
No Contact at all and it stayed as that but not all relationships end the same
in the future doesn't say it can't crop up.

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Asker

+1 y
First time having this problem..
All the talk around me, definitely has made me question my decision...
JustinCaseUDontKnow

+1 y
Yes i see.. Smh hope things get better ;)

Answer 37

Asker

First time having this problem..
All the talk around me, definitely has made me question my decision...

Answer 38

JustinCaseUDontKnow

Yes i see.. Smh hope things get better ;)

Answer 39

TedStar

Guru

It's the one who git dumped. Why? They didn't see it coming and may still be confused or lacking understanding. The dumper is usually completely over the relationship by the time they end things

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3 People

Azara

+1 y
I think whoever feels bad about what they did. Guilt is a more powerful catalyst than curiosity but curiosity is pretty strong too.

Answer 40

Azara

I think whoever feels bad about what they did. Guilt is a more powerful catalyst than curiosity but curiosity is pretty strong too.

Answer 41

Anonymous

The brave one. It's always the brave one hands down. Well it's either the brave one or the stalker but most people can tell the difference.

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3 People

Asker

+1 y
Lol.. That gave me a good laugh
I'm the brave one hands down "undoubtably"

He can be a stalker at times though so.. We're even
Azara

+1 y
I people who are too cowardly to do it themselves can't tell the diff between brave and stalking. Their ego depends upon this inability :)
Opinion Owner

+1 y
@Azara I think that may be going to far.
1. I wouldn’t call not being brave being a coward. Choosing not to do something that you don’t necessarily have to isn’t the same as avoiding things that are necessary. I’d call the latter cowardice but not the former.
2. I could argue that your ego is dependent upon the belief that you understand their ego. The distinction between assertive and intrusive is a very thin line that many people draw differently. And often stalkers believe wholeheartedly that they are simply being brave and their victims feel very differently so I wouldn’t shame someone for struggling to understand the difference so quickly.

Answer 42

Asker

Lol.. That gave me a good laugh
I'm the brave one hands down "undoubtably"

He can be a stalker at times though so.. We're even

Answer 43

Azara

I people who are too cowardly to do it themselves can't tell the diff between brave and stalking. Their ego depends upon this inability :)

Answer 44

Opinion Owner

@Azara I think that may be going to far.
1. I wouldn’t call not being brave being a coward. Choosing not to do something that you don’t necessarily have to isn’t the same as avoiding things that are necessary. I’d call the latter cowardice but not the former.
2. I could argue that your ego is dependent upon the belief that you understand their ego. The distinction between assertive and intrusive is a very thin line that many people draw differently. And often stalkers believe wholeheartedly that they are simply being brave and their victims feel very differently so I wouldn’t shame someone for struggling to understand the difference so quickly.

Answer 45

Katastrophy

Xper 4

Don't bother. Why talk? Are you trying to get back together?
If not, you are just setting yourself up for potential drama.

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Answer 46

Hannah591 | 186 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Guru

I think any gender, the dumpee and the angry one would be those who break the no contact rule. People do usually expect the dumper to come back because they have the decision in their hands.

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1 Person

Answer 47

HappyDominant17

Xper 5

The one who isn't distracted by another cock/vagina... (best answer obviously)

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4 People

jlopez90

+1 y
+1 So crucial and so true

Answer 48

jlopez90

+1 So crucial and so true

Answer 49

Nathand

Explorer

The female. If a guy breaks the rule the girl can accuse him of assault. If a female makes the first move she expects the guy to like it. If the guy moves away she'll insult him and call him gay.

The female will always win.

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2 People

Answer 50

Anonymous

NO CONTACT IS A COMPLETE SEVERANCE, FOREVER. **NO ONE** IS EVER SUPPOSED TO CONTACT THE OTHER EVER AGAIN. **WTF** ABOUT THIS DO PEOPLE **NOT* UNDERSTAND?

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3 People

Answer 51

Anonymous

I always honor it because I broke it once... and it was a disaster. There's great power in self-control and holding fast to one's convictions.

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2 People

Answer 52

moxygirl11 | 267 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Yoda

For me it was the guy and he was the dumpee

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1 Person

Answer 53

bubble_tea | 202 opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Guru

The person who wants his or her things back.

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1 Person

Answer 54

emerald77 | 1.6K opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic.

Master

The girl usually does.

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1 Person

Who normally breaks the "No Contact Rule"?

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