I had met this girl over Christmas break in another country. We kept in touch online, and it was going well in the beginning. She eventually got a part time contract job that required working long hours, and her temper became very fickle. She warned me that I should expect to be subject to this temper because she was having it rough. I told her I could talk to her when she needed to vent, but I'm not perfect and her lashing out led to a few arguments.
Then I got a job in that country, so we had planned to date more seriously once I got back. However, before that could happen, she decided to break things off.
One night, I was cooking for my friends, but I messed up and it took more time than expected. At 9 PM my time, she messaged me saying "definitely not my day, got into a car accident." I forgot about the time difference and thought it was something that happened earlier that day (it was morning; she was actually at the scene), so I assumed she was already safe (also, since she was okay to text). To comfort her, I said "oh no, are you okay?" I also told her I was cooking for my friends and that I'd be right back, and since all I had was my tablet (no computer or smartphone), there might be delays in my response time. I returned after half an hour, but she said nothing the rest of that night.
I asked her if she was mad the next day, she said no; when asked what happened, she said "it's okay, it doesn't matter anymore." She gave me the cold shoulder for four days, giving me short responses, and when I asked her what was wrong, she said she preferred if we just be friends. Her claim was that I cared less about her life than cooking for my friends and that I didn't worry about her like family (and claiming that she would "hurt her family" if she let me love her less than they did).
I apologized and explained, but she refused to listen. I was shocked. Was my behavior so unreasonable to warrant being written off so quickly?
Most Helpful Girl
She overreacted like crazy. Also, I see red flags which suggests to me that you've had a lucky escape. I will list some of these red flags:
°"She warned me that I should expect to be subject to this temper because she was having it rough". A lot of people have it rough. Most of us have to work and it's not always fun. However, taking it out on your partner (or anyone else) is just not on. To warn you that you will be "subject to this temper" is pathetic and ridiculous. You are not her doormat. If she already knows all of this, then maybe she should look for ways to learn to handle stress better.
°"She gave me the cold shoulder for four days, giving me short responses". Again, you are not her doormat. It's incredibly childish to give someone the cold shoulder for four days and be a complete bitch about things. Normal people talk about their problems and try to find a solution. They don't sulk like some child who didn't get a chocolate bar in the supermarket.
°"Her claim was that I cared less about her life than cooking for my friends and that I didn't worry about her like family". This one right there is perhaps the biggest red flag I can see. Does she expect you to drop everything for her? Does she realise you have your own life? Of course it's unfortunate she was in a car accident. But obviously it wasn't a bad one or how would she have messaged you then? Also, what could you possibly do from miles away? Aside from what you did (send a message). You even explained that you might take a while to answer and gave her an explanation. That is already more than most people would have done. You say you took 30 minutes to send the next message, which is really no time at all (even for someone who doesn't provide an explanation like you did). It really does seem like she expects you to be available 24/7. And the bit about you caring less about her life than your friends: MAJOR RED FLAG. (ran out of space, will continue)0