I dated my ex for a year and a half. One month ago she dumped me. After about a month of no contact, me ex called me and left a voicemail saying she really needs to talk to me. She said it was really important and sounded exremely sad on the phone. So I called her back for the first time and talked to her. She was saying how she really misses me and regrets a whole lot of the decsions she's made. She also mentioned how her grandmother has recently become very sick. So I offered to meet up with her sometime this weekend setting a date. I told her vaguely just to be nice if she needs to talk about this let me know (my mistake). She's been calling and texting me non-stop for the past two days as well as leaving voicemails. It seems pretty ugrent and there are a few new problems she really wants to talk to me about. I haventy answered any of these messages and she's is starting to get upset with me. Almost all my friends and my mom and dad are telling me not to answer. They say she broke up with you and now she needs you to talk to... not cool. There like she has friends to talk to (not really because there all really shitty people) and her mother which again i dont know about because I think its money issues with her divorced parents. The issue with me is that I'm a really heart felt person, and still care about this girl. I would really like pick up the phone and try to help her, but everyone else is like you can't just go back to her beconing call and help her whenever she needs it. My parents and a few friends are saying to just forget about her. She phones saying she needs to meet with lawyers on the weekend and would really like to talk to me before and if were still on. Everyone is saying just move on but I can't, I want to talk to her. The issue is if I do I become very soft, especially for this girl. I dont want to stay on the phone for a while cuz I might say something I might regret. And she may want to get back togther which I don think I want to do right now! Should I call and put my mind at ease or wait it out?
Most Helpful Girl
Think about it this way. It's been a month of no contact from her. Then suddenly bam? I get it, she's having issues in her life that are stressing you out; however, you are not the person to turn to. I don't feel that she wants to be back in a relationship, she just wants someone to make it all better.
I agree that you shouldn't be the one to help her. If you do, she might get back with you, temporarily, until she is back "on her feet". Insert another catastrophe, and she'll run back again.
It's up to you... Do you wanna be THE ONE or just the fall back guy? Make some standards and stick with them!2
Most Helpful Guy
I'm siding with your parents and friends on this. I'm sure to her some issues are bad, but I believe she's emphasizing the urgency to get you to respond.
The anger she's experiencing in you not responding is her own doing, and she sounds a bit controlling if you ask me. If her friends are shitty, then that's also half her fault, since you have a choice who your friends are and who you choose to hang out with.
You seem like a really good guy, and there's nothing wrong with being heartfelt and sensitive. You gave your heart to this girl, and apparently that wasn't good enough. She didn't seem to be in such a state of "urgency" when she broke up with you to most likely pursue someone else. And now that guy's used her, she's sad and lonely and feels like using you for her benefit.
Of course you have feelings for her. You loved her and cared about her and I'm sure you still do. However, she's now interrupting your healing process, making it that much harder to get over her and move on, where you can meet someone who truly gives a shit about you.
Let her be mad, and as tragic as things are in people's lives, everyone has to deal with them, and it's not your responsibility to help someone who shit on you.
Don't call her back. Just ignore her.0