Are kids better off growing up with unhappy parents? Or growing up with divorced parents?

Do you think children are better off growing up witj both pafents living together in an unhappy marriage? Or are the kids better off if parents divorce?

  • kids are better living with unhappy parents
    Vote A
  • kods are better living witj divorced parents
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • PARENTS SHOULD GET DIVORCED IF THEY ARE UNHAPPY. This is something I am living through. Throughout my entire childhood into young adulthood, my mother has non stop told me about how my father and her are only together because they think it's be better for my brother and I (and my mom wouldn't have the money to live on her own). But anyway, IT'S NOT BETTER. I'm 19 now, I still live with them, and it's been a living hell. I honestly think it has affected me as a person. I'm always in a bad mood at home and I have really bad anxiety, and I think it stems from their constant fighting. It has gotten worse through the years, pretty much because my mom developed a drinking problem FROM her unhappiness with my dad. It's now starting to affect the whole family. A few months ago my parents were fighting. My dad tried to slam the door in her face, but my mom put her hand in the door and I!! had to fucking drive her to the ER with a bloody and cut up hand that needed 30 stitches in one thumb. I remember all the times they screamed at each other (nearly every day) and I honestly can't take it anymore! I don't have the funds to live on my own yet, but I feel like I need to get it soon for my own mental health. It's heart breaking to sit at the dinner table and see my mom stare at my dad with such hate in her eyes, as if she wants to kill him. I WANT them to divorce. I want them to be happy, and they clearly aren't in their relationship. For any parents or future parents reading this, DIVORCE IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR OWN CHILDREN.

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    • Thankyou for sharing your story - speaking the voice of the child who has lived in this environment. Do you find there are some good times as well or is it all bad? If it is all bad there is clearly no chance to salvage it but if there is some good then it isn't as clear what to do.

    • There are some "good times," but they are so rare compared to all the not so happy times that I can't really see them as genuine. They even scream and argue on vacation.

    • Thanks again for your response.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • Most parents are not so happy, actually, but so long as they are both around, the children will still feel secure, although they can sense when there are arguments or discord in general between their parents, and that isn't ideal...

    But still better than being shunted from one to the other, or only having ONE unhappy parent!

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  • I'm going with B..
    On the proviso that the parents get along ok seperated and don't use the kids to get at each other... I've seen to many kids grow up with unhappy parents and think that it's normal to abuse, or be violent. Seriously can anyone think that is a good example and environment to raise children?
    separate, be honest with your children saying that we grew apart or some such and that we're happier apart, but still love you and will always love you, ever though parents are seperated... don't make it nasty.. Your children should still be put ahead of your feelings, be the best role model you can be...
    Just my opinion..

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    • Thank you for your opinion. I agree with you but many people think children need a home with both parents regardless. I believe they just need to see good behaviour and sometimes it can't be achieved when you are living in each others pockets.

  • Nobody benefits from living in a broken home.

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    • Do you consider a broken home is one with unhappy parents? Or one with separated parents?

    • One with unhappy parents.

    • Thanks for your answers :-)

  • Kids are better off growing up and near nature

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  • I will say unhappy is better

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    • Thanks for your opinion. Why do you think that?

  • Both are bad.

    Depends.

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    • Both aren't ideal - but which do you think is a lesser evil?

    • It's a tough call.

      I would advise to stick together and take care of your child as they need mother and father both equally ( if you think differences can be settled and there is moderate fights)

      But if you both can't stand each other at all in that case it's better to be apart.
      Coz instead of giving your child an pleasant childhood, you will end up giving them traumas.

      As we all know it can't be smooth between any two individual every one is bit or more different from others.

      We all have different opinions.

      So if you both can be together fighting moderately then stick together.

    • Thanks for your answers. Yes I guess it depends on the situation...

What Girls Said 9

  • Exactly what zoooot said.

    Unhappily married people breed more unhappiness as time goes on and the worst outcomes result in the kids as they think certain behaviours are acceptable when they really aren't, and learn that this is how parenting works which they repeat in their adult life with the cycle continuing on repeat.

    Therefore, I voted B because the chances are that both parents eventually either find new romances and partner or marry again, or they enjoy simply the freedom from their ex spouse, they replace the stress of that person with other more minimal issues like bills, or things that apply to people when they have a singular lifestyle again.

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  • I wish my parents would divorce sometimes because my mum could do better and I dislike my father. People with divorced parents seem to have issues but make out it's the most terrible thing in the world but seeing your father treat your mother like shit and controlling every aspect of her life, every single day has it's effect, especially when there's nothing you can do. As well as being a victim of some of that crap, it takes its toll on your mentality. People seem to think I'm happy and don't have any problems because my parents are together, they often frown if I complain about my parents because they think I should appreciate that they're together and their parents aren't. There's always trouble in the perceived "paradise".

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    • Thanks so much for your answers. Obviously neither is good but given that a happy marriage is not an option for me, I am trying to work out what is best for my daughter. It is an interesting point you make about "apparently happy" doesn't mean happy... my husband is trying to convince me that out issues aren't having an impact on her as she is well adjusted at school but she won't be if I leave him. I just can't see how she couldnt be impacted and I dont want her to learn that our shitty marriage is what marriage is all about.

  • Divorce sucks, it really does. My parents got divorced when I was a lot older and it sucks. But I think it's better to see your parents happy in their relationships vs. unhappy together. I think it gives you a bad view on how a relationship should be

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    • Thank you for your comment. What was the hardest thing for you to cope with when your patents divorced?

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    • Did you get any councilling to help you deal with your feelings during the divorce?

    • Nope, I just let it be. It just took some getting used too. I knew it was for the better

  • My dad is a divorce lawyer and from his experience he says divorced. If there's not a lot of fighting children can happily grow up in a divorced family.

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    • Thank for your input especially since your father sees this all the time.

  • I am better off alone.

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    • Have you moved out of home?

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    • They either enjoy the fighting (some people like debates and drama) or they are familiar and therefore comfortable.

    • I think/hope the latter one.

  • Divorced; growing up in a turbulent household is awful for a child.

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    • Thanks for your answer. Are you speaking from experience?

    • I've studied psychology, including child psychology/attachment theory; living in an unstable environment can cause a child all sorts of issues.

    • Thank you so much for your answer.

  • I rather my son to be happy in two different homes than miserable under one same roof

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    • Thanks for your answer. I am thinking the same thing about my daughter - I am sure it will be tough to begin with

  • My parents were chronically unhappy fought a lot when I was a kid. They abused each other (verbally and psychologically) for many years. Then they got divorced when I was 12.

    After the divorce, both of my parents went unchecked and turned into petty, abusive (and maybe they always were, who knows), assholes and without their original punching bag around (each other) they started abusing their 3 kids. This still goes on to this day, which his why we avoid them whenever possible.

    To this day, I still encounter situations in my personal/relationship life where I know I'm allowing significant others to mistreat me because I'm used to that abuse from my parents. It doesn't occur to me that that treatment was inappropriate until after I think about it for a while. This has made having healthy relationships damn near impossible for me (if the person I'm with is at all abusive) and I have my parents to thank for that.

    So, if I had to apply my situation to your question, my answer would be undoubtedly A) kids are better living with unhappy parents. They may sense conflict, but at least they're not being abused.

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    • Thanks for your response and your detailed reasons why. My husband came from an abusive home (parents divorced when kids left) and I did not. He started emotionally abusing me when my daughter was born. I can't take it anymore - I always was a happy carefree person and I hate conflict. No way in hell would I abuse my child - not ever.

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    • I'm sorry that you're being abused. I know how that is.

      "I can't take it anymore - I always was a happy carefree person and I hate conflict. No way in hell would I abuse my child - not ever."
      I just wanted to point out that this is what my mom thought too before she got divorced from my dad. Divorce is a sure-fire solution for only one person (the one getting out) in the relationship if there's kids involved. Unless you had a childhood like the one you'll be creating for your children by doing this, you'll have to think long and hard about what consequences your actions will have for them, as they're going to do almost all the suffering in this divorce situation. I guarantee it. It is literally impossible for someone with non-abusive, married parents to imagine what it's like to have divorced (possibly abusive) parents. Sometimes I think that's why the Baby Boomer generation had such a welcoming attitude towards divorce; they had no idea what growing up with divorced parents was like

    • I plan to do this with the support of councillors and make sure my child has professional support also. The good thing is that our chold is the centre of his universe and I know he will do anything for her. I feel like once he got his baby he just dissed me.

      I also think everyone's situation is different - there seems to be people on here that had a better experience with their parents divorced.

      Thank you for your answers as it is veey valuable to know all the possible outcomes.

  • My parents got divorced when I was 12. I live with my dad and I'm very happy my parents divorced.

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    • Thank you so much for your input. How often did you see your mother? How did you feel being shipped around from one patent to the other? Have either of your patents found new relationships? How did that affect you?

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