My divorce will be final soon. I have accepted and moving on. Not saying it is not hard becuase it is a life changing thing. I just want to be sure it is the right thing for both of us. We have had to stay in contact some due to the proceedings and selling the house. The other night he called (when normally he would text) to ask a question about the house and we talked for 30mins.
I have been worried about some comments that are negative about himself and he has been drinking a lot and not sleeping well.
He still keeps my picture in his wallet and says he tries not to think about the good times we had.
This was a 10year marriage and he came home one day and said he was just not happy any more, but now he is sending mixed signals all the time. Says he still wants to be friends, etc.
Are we making the right choice to go our separate ways?
Most Helpful Guy
Marriage requires two people who are both committed to making the marriage work. He has failed in that commitment to the marriage.
Quite often, when one person comes home and says that they are unhappy and want a divorce, it means that they have been unfaithful and feel guilty about remaining in the marriage. You should ask him if he has been unfaithful. If the answer is yes, then you absolutely should proceed with a divorce, because you will never again be able to trust him.
If he has not been unfaithful, then you could consider placing the divorce on hold. Ten years is a long time to have invested, but. . ..
When he is with you, he feels badly and wants to get away. When he is away from you, he misses you and wants to be with you. This is called an approach/avoidance conflict and he has the potential to vacillate between wanting you and wanting divorce.
Ask him, "If we put the divorce on hold and try to reconcile, what will happen that will make things work differently?" You also need to understand more about his unhappiness and you need some assurance that his unhappiness will be addressed.
If you try to reconcile and nobody does anything to accomplish any changes, then the same old problem will happen again. Before you commit yourself to any efforts at reconciliation, you need to know that things will be different or you will be wasting your time. If he will not have this discussion openly and candidly, if you feel that you still don't have an understanding of what the problems are, then it is time to move on with your life.