Weird sinking gut feeling... Is it time to let go of this relationship?

He is my first ever boyfriend, at first he was the one who is more loving and initiates hugs and kisses; it was all very passionate. He was sweet and caring and compliments me a lot. Fast forward to 7 months now I have been having this feeling on and off wanting to break off with him. At first it seemed like it was because there was lack of intimacy, physical/verbal affection, and presence when he is with me whereas he used to do all that when we started dating. 3 months ago for this reason I started to cry to my friend and even want to break up with him. Perhaps it's just the way he is, and the relationship instead of courtship has gone to a more relaxed settling state. Whenever I think about the passion and love he used to show to me it brings me in tears because I find it really sad he doesn't do them anymore. I need validation and appreciation from my partner. Although he shows his love in other ways such as texting me everyday and makes time to see me, he even changed his behavior more to become more affectionate to me because I told him I missed it when he used to do them.
But lately it is more than that; It has become more apparent that we are totally different people, with different needs and expression of love, different interests, and don't usually agree on much. I feel that I have to initiate physical affection from him and when he sends me home I yearn for the long make out sessions we used to have in the car but now it's just a kiss and a "i'm tired".
He is a really good guy but not the best boyfriend. Maybe it's his way of saying that he is tired of the relationship

Or maybe I'm just over thinking it
But I asked myself; am i really happy in this relationship

There is a strong lingering sense in my gut; a sinking feeling- not butterflies, but a gut feeling that almost brings me to tears...
Has anyone had this before

I really need some advice...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is what someone told me after my boyfriend did similar things: There is an infatuation stage, or "honeymoon stage" some call it. First, he is trying to "get you" in the beginning, so he plays up his best qualities (not that he isn't a great guy that doesn't have these qualities, it's just played up more during this stage). After 3 months he might pull back a bit, but is still a bit passionate. By the 6th month he is settling back into his normal self.
    This doesn't mean he loves you less, or doesn't want to be with you. Some guys just try to get back into their habits since you two are more exclusive/the relationship has deepened. There is a push - pull in relationships. At first, some women might be unsure so the guy tries to win you over (so you pull, he pushes). After you are comfortable with him, you are pushing (not negative, just women want to feel close with their man) and the man will pull away slightly. This cycle goes on.

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    • I stuck around after the 8th month of wanting to leave him, and when my friend told me the above info, I stuck around. I'm really glad I did, after some time, he came back around. We have been together for a few years. I hope that this will be for you as well, if you want it. It might get rough, because it seems like he is pulling away.
      But at the same time, if it's been a few months after this point and he is still acting disconnected, then you need to discuss that this is making you unhappy (and who wants to be with someone that makes them unhappy?) I wish you the best of luck!

    • Hey, thank you so much for your comment! It really resonated within me a lot.. It is not like he stopped all passion and affection, he is making an effort in the relationship- just in a different way that I would like to. I went out on a dinner date with him today and we were back to the same intimate level (emotionally); he was funny, charismatic, caring and affectionate.. which made me feel/think, "wow, this guy really loves me".
      He dropped me off at my house today and wanted to come in to say hi to my sisters lool
      I guess what I really wanted was that consistency in affection and appreciation from my other half the way I show it to him; which isn't really a realistic approach to relationships.

      Although I have to admit- I don't see this relationship going very far in the future; I am willing to stick around and enjoy the ride for what it is...

      Can I ask, how did your boyfriend come around? Did you have to talk to him?

    • Oh no prob, thank you for MHO! :)
      I'm glad you went out and you were able to see how affectionate, funny and caring he is with you. I do understand what you mean, with wanting that consistent level of affection, but for most guys that is difficult. They need to have space, so they can grow and miss you. Missing you is pretty important, I think it makes them realize just how important you are to him. You should totally just enjoy the ride for now, and not worry too much about the future. :)

      I did talk to my boyfriend. I explained how important communication was to me. I also nicely hinted how I loved his affection, so it didn't seem needy or anything. Honestly, I don't -need- it, I just like it lol. We had a minor blow out a while back and I stopped caring/communicating, and he realized how important I was to him. So he has been making the best effort he can with me. Not every day, but enough to keep me satisfied. :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Sounds like he doesn't want to be involved with you but he is afraid/chicken to talk to you about his lack of feelings. You must initiate the conversation, knowing where it will lead. As your post said, this is your first boyfriend, not your last boyfriend.

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  • This post makes me not want to date

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What Girls Said 3

  • Same thing happened with my ex. I decided to ignore my guts and stayed with him, because I was overall happy and I trusted him when he would keep saying that nothing is wrong and that nothing has changed. Then he dumped me 6 months later. He said he lost a desire. Should've trust my guts.

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  • Go with your gut feeling. My ex was my first boyfriend and I honestly wish I had gone with my gut I ended up getting broken later in our relationship. Trust your gut, always go with your gut.

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  • I believe so, yes.

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