Is it best to avoid an ex?

I broke up with a woman last year as humanely as possible, in person and over dinner.

I've seen her around of the past year as we are in the same circle and share a mutual friend.

Over the past year, she and I have wavered between ignoring each other and having friendly conversations. A few months ago, she showed up at the mutual friend's birthday and flirted with guys in front of me. I've maintained the high road throughout all this and have never pulled any similar stunts or been rude to her.

The last time we saw each other we initially ignored each other. In an attempt to display confidence, maturity, and that I had no hard feelings, I approached her. I asked how she was doing, remembered that her birthday was coming up, offered her a birthday drink, and complimented her on her appearance. The whole thing took about 2 minutes and I felt better about myself for doing so.

I'm thinking that perhaps I should leave things on this relatively high note and avoid these future outings where I might run into her. These are social type events and there is a chance I could meet another woman. However, with the ex there, it could make it awkward for me. Plus, my ex is not a bad person (her stunts nothwithstanding). I don't know if she cares, but I wouldn't want to hurt or offend her by flirting with other girls in her presence.




Most Helpful Girl

  • if you continue to be courteous and chivalrous towards her, i don't think why it should offend her.
    she has done the same in the past, and it has been more than a year since you both broke up.
    why should you avoid going to places just because there is a bleak chance of you bumping into her

    if she is petty enough, she will think that you are avoiding her because you miss her or feel guilty of breaking up with her

    • Thanks.. I actually did avoid her for a bit after she flirted with other guys that time. I showed up again in part because I wanted to demonstrate that she can't drive me away so easily. But, I also wanted to be a gentleman about it.

    • then you should not stop yourself from going wherever you want to, just because she will be there too

Most Helpful Guy

  • It certainly seems that you have take the chivalrous high ground and you shouldn't abandon it. Some people think this type of behavior is stupid because it's not rewarded, but it is! It is rewarded every time you look in the mirror and you like who you see.

    If seeing her is difficult in any way, then by all means avoid seeing her. It is better to avoid her that to see her and do something that you will later regret.

    • Thanks... I appreciate that. I could have kept ignoring, but it felt so low and petty.

      I felt better about myself after I approached her and played nice.

    • Yes, that's the point. It's not what others think about you; it's about your self-respect.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • It shouldn't matter to her if she's your ex and she's flirting with other guys. You have a right to move on and be happy.


What Guys Said 2

  • Go where you wanna go
    Do what you wanna do
    With whoever you wanna do it with

    Just behave civilly and if she has a problem, it's her problem, not yours. Now if she was seriously into some group that you weren't involved in until you met her, then you should skip unless you really love it.

  • It was very mature of you to handle it the way you did.

    Most people get all nervous and say stupid things.

    Obviously, don't go out of your way or anything to make small talk, but it's okay to smile and nod your head and move on.

    • Thanks, man. I admit that I was anxious when I say her, but I steeled myself and looked her in the eye when I approached her.

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