When is it ok to call a girl fat?

my boyfriend actually said that he wanted me to lose some weight. ok, i'm not skinny, i'm 5'5 and weigh 175. BUT, when we first dated, i weighed 190. why go into a relationship thinking i'm fat? he said he can't be with me if i didn't lose weight. i broke up with him. because even if i did lose the weight, i don't want to be with someone so shallow. i've been with him for 3 years, and THAT was the deciding factor on whether or not we'd be together? am i being dramatic? i think i would've been ok if he said we should work out together, but he talked to me like he was disgusted with my weight. is it ok for a guy to talk like that? please be honest!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm not a fan of calling anyone fat; especially if I'm in a relationship with them. When is negative reinforcement a good thing? Ummmmm, NEVER. Also, you said it best, why go into a relationship with someone when you already know they are who they are?

    I think it's great you're losing weight, so congratulations on that. But, I hope you're losing weight for you and not because your miserable boyfriend hates himself enough to insult you like that.

    Seriously, if he has a particular size girl he wants to be with in mind, then it's a free country and more power to him. But it is a bit silly to start dating someone only to complain about something that he knew damn well existed from the get go.

    I hope you stay broken up with him, because I'm not sure what he was expecting you to do. I hate it when people think they can change someone if there's something they don't really like about that person, because that's not the way to go into a relationship.

    So, I'll reiterate. It's not okay for someone to be an asshole. Especially if you haven't changed anything about you, but lose weight, like he wanted you to.

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    • yes, thank you. i understand if i suddenly gained weight, but i lost weight. i don't think i'll get back with him. he wasn't very smart and he was short and skinny, but i looked past all that because i thought he was sweet.

    • Well, you just keep on being who you are and doing what makes YOU happy, and you'll meet someone who appreciates that about you. Someone offering their love and support is a far superior motivator to a hateful, negative attitude, so keep on being you and you'll be just fine.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 10

  • Yes its rude as hell and if he's giving you the ultimatum then your better off without him so now its time to get into shape and go show off in front of him

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  • Thats kinda messed up that he started a relationship with you and not tell you how he felt about your weight I don't agree he's shallow since thats a preference but I don't agree with what he did to you and lied all those years

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  • Well, when is it ever ok to state the obvious?

    It depends on what it is exactly your pointing out...

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  • That's pretty messed up going into a relationship with someone you have an issue with just assuming you'll make them change.

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  • Dang... uh... never? I feel like that would end up badly for both parties, and I would hate hurting someone's feelings casually for no particularly good reason.

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  • Your height and weight ratio does indicate that you are fat.

    Now when your boyfriend started dating at 190 and you reduced to 175, he should have appreciate it and encourage you and stick around...
    but that's shallow to leave a girl coz she is fat (knowing it since inception).

    But in real life nothing is fair.

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  • Yeah, you are right you both can work out together and I completely agree with you😊

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  • I would not date you till you were less than 130 lbs... he should have done the same

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    • yeah, he knew i was fat before he got with me, so why'd you get with me in the first place?

  • I kinda think girls demonized "Fat-ness"

    Honestly. Some people are ACTUALLY fat. And that shit doesn't matter.

    People are CONSTANTLY talking about how "Looks Don't Matter" and I personally don't agree, but in the case of "Weight" why do we CARE so much? It means we have to change ourselves, but it means we have to change ourselves FOR THE BETTER.

    It isn't like saying you're too perky, or your clothes are ugly, or something where changing yourself is incredibly dumb and personality dampening. Physical health IS IMPORTANT. We should ALWAYS want to be better man.

    But we demonized the word FAT so much that now instead of trying to change ourselves, we kinda tell ourselves it isn't true. And if anyone tells us we say they're awful people.

    FAT=/=UGLY

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    • the issue here isn't that though. its how he focused on ONE thing to decide whether or not we could be together. as far as my health goes, i'm healthy. i work out 5 times a week and eat well. people hate hearing this excuse, but i honestly have a hormone issue. my body produces too much estrogen, and my breasts weigh 30 pounds together and my waist is tiny. my ass is HUGE, but my legs are twigs. either way, not the point. point is, you met me when i was fat. why is it an issue now? and if he said "i love you and you're beautiful, but we should work out more together" i would be ok, instead he said "if you don't lose weigh, we aren't gonna be together"

    • I'm sort of letting off steam, my apologies for not actually answering your questions.

      TITLE: It's ok to call a girl fat when you have enough faith that that won't ruin everything in your relationship, and you mean it in a BUILDING way. (See original comment)

      DESCRIPTION:You're being KINDA dramatic. But not enough to overshadow that this guy is hiding something. Nothing drastic but considering you LOST weight, there needs to be a better reason for him to break up.

      I think he's just a bad liar.

      Take that with a grain of salt.

  • He's not shallow, most girls won't date a fat guy, so it's only fair guys can say the same thing

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What Girls Said 14

  • I think you made the right call.

    You shouldn't get into a relationship with someone with the expectation that you're going to change them/mold them to be what you actually want. That's immature and shitty, not to mention unrealistic. People have to change for themselves, not to please other people.

    Not to mention, I think that if you had stayed with him and lost the weight, you'd probably have a difficult time ever feeling confident and beautiful around him/secure in your relationship. You'd always worry about not being good enough, or worrying about how he would react if you ever put on weight again. At least, that's how I'd feel in that situation.

    I don't think you are being dramatic.

    If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself. If you don't, then don't. Either way, I think you're better off without this guy.

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  • it's never ok to call a girl fat. that is horrible and mean!
    just becuase someone might be overweight doesn't mean they deserve to be called names...
    if he isn't supportive of you and calls you names then that should be a deal breaker for you. you dont deserve to be treaeted like that.

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  • What I don't get is when people expect their partner to change AFTER getting into the relationship. Get into a relationship with someone you already consider your ideal, instead of getting into a relationship with someone you don't and then pester them about it.

    I guess it would be different if you had been a size two in the initial stages and then ballooned up to a size 200 down the road. But you started out BIGGER than what you are NOW. He knew what he was getting. That guy needs to go figure himself out.

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  • how about never? i think it's rude and heartless of a person to think they look so great as to dictate someone else's weight in a word. if people dont have the ability to empower someone else, then DONT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL. KEEP WALKIN! -.-

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  • Well sexual attraction is a big thing in a relationship. If my boyfriend would get fat; I told him I would still love him but not be attracted to him. And same with me, if I would get fat he would love me but not be attracted to my body. So that is just how it is, and I will never get fat and neither will he. I want to look good for him and he for me + I care a lot about my health and eat very healthy and vegan.
    He just is attracted to thinner figures I guess, and a lot of guys are. I dont mean stick thing or anything, but not heavy or overweight. Maybe you can try to loose some weight, for the attraction in your relationship and for your own health. Some people do live in a relationship without much sexual attraction tho and if that is what you like then no problem. However, your boyfriend seems to want more.

    If my boyfriend would get fat I wouldn't leave him, I love him a lot, but I would find a way to force him to loose weight :P

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    • I dont understand why he started a relationship with you then tho. Maybe he was really in love and thought he could change you or something.

  • You did everything right. He totally approached the situation in a very uncaring, inconsiderate way. Nobody deserves that.

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  • No not at all, and you did the right thing, i would do the same thing, no one deserves someone like that. I have seen guys treat girls like that and it is sad. My guy friend isn't like that but he will go around it in a nice way, and i still wouldn't accept it. He is supposed to like you for who you are.

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  • You weigh less now than you did then, your weight isn't the problem. Don't worry, you did the right thing by taking out the garbage!

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  • If he acted like he was disgusted then I guess he could've been nicer about it.
    But I don't think it's bad asking your partner if they could lose some pounds if they're at an unhealthy weight.

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  • NEVER! it's NEVER okay.

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  • NO ITS NOT OK!!! Wow what a jerk. Now if he said babe or hon I love you but I'm not attracted to you anymore. Please get healthy and lose the weight.

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  • It's never okay to call someone fat

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  • Never ok to call anyone fat. Be glad you broke up with him!

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  • U did the right thing. He was an asshole

    If he thought ur weight was a deal breaker it made no sense for him to begin dating a 190 lb woman, then start criticizing her weight after she loses 15 lbs. he is rude and lacks intelligence

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