Me and my boyfriend have a great relationship, but we've always had different opinions on pace and our future; he wanted to get married right away, begin a family, invest in a home, etc. I'm not even done school yet, I'll be graduating in a year, so that just isn't in the cards. He is super romantic, we barely fight, he's very helpful and supportive, I love him more than I've loved anybody. Seems like I have no reason to not marry him, right? Well... here's the thing: we've only been dating for 8 months.
We knew each other for about a year before we dated, and I honestly didn't intend to get into anything too serious, we just fell in love. Within 2 months he brought up marriage. I told him I wasn't going to consider marriage until I was done school and had a job. Well, he took me out to dinner and popped the question in front of some of our friends and my mom. My mom was so excited and everyone was cheering and watching us, and I just started to cry... but... not the GOOD cry, and he could tell. He asked me what was wrong and I said no and ran off to the bathroom.
He was hurt but I feel hurt too; we discussed this and he knew how I felt but he ignored it. I felt like he did it in front of everyone so I'd feel obligated to say yes. We had a huge fight about it and it ended with me kicking him out.
We are talking again but there's serious damage done. He said some horrible things and I did too. I am still standing by him not living with me for a while until things get worked out. So, my question is... was I right to say no? What would you have done? Am I even making the right decision right now
Most Helpful Guy
That took a lot of guts for you to be honest with him like that in front of people you are close to. I agree with others that he was calculative in putting you on the spot making it hard for you to say "no", which you did anyway. Good for you in not feeling compelled to say "yes" only to have to walk it back when you were in private, because he would have held that over you for a long time.
I'm not sure if he was hard of hearing, but you clearly said you would consider marriage once you were finished with school, which is extremely mature and smart of you. Why in the F does he have to get married so soon? If you two are happy together, there's nothing wrong with maybe talking about it in the future as something fun to think about, but it seems like he's been pushing you into accepting something you've been very clear about not being ready for yet.
The fact your inner voice of reason is reminding you of just how short a duration 8 months really is in the scope of things; especially when you are very young and have your entire life ahead of you shows very promising things are in store for you. As far as your ex goes, he seems to think knowing someone for a short while is a good enough reason to get married, thinking you'll be in love forever and all your problems will just disappear, living happily ever after watching the fire burn in the fireplace... Too bad he's not willing to consider the stresses of life after college, trying to raise kids and the other stresses of adulthood that make getting married young very difficult.
Relationships can be hard enough, and acquiring new stresses you've never experienced before make young lovers reconsider their vows very quickly. Forever to an 18-year old seems doable, whereas to a 45-year old, we learn to take things one day at a time, knowing forever is about as assured as finding a close parking spot downtown during a special event.
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