I wrote this letter for closure for a guy who ended it with me then dated my friend. I won't give it to him but what do you think?

Hi, I need to do this. I spent the last year or so going to specialists. It was found that I had inflammation in my head. It was like walking around with a concussion... which is why I was so hard to read and mood swings. I'm starting to feel like myself again.

I just want to say that you and I discussed slowing things down because I said it was going too fast. You told me you weren't upset and didn't want to ruin things with me. You ended it weeks later by telling me I wasn't ready for a relationship and you couldn't give me what I needed. I felt like you turned me down because of my depression.

I tried to talk to you to justify my behaviour because I was afraid of being depressed again. You ignored me. You told me that physical rejection would hurt you but I told you I couldn't handle being ignored... you promised to not ignore me.

You say I'm untrustworthy but depression is what is untrustworthy. It changes the way a person thinks. I saw the worst in others because I saw the worst in myself. Anything I said was out of confusion not malice. You told me you knew how hard depression was... and it was hell for me.

Updates:
Any more thoughts?
Any more ideas?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you sound more like your accusing him for leaving than just wanting peace. Maybe reword it so it doesn't sound like that, especially if you've want to rekindle a friendship. Write less descriptive experiences and be positive on how yyouve grown as a person since you last spoke. Just be short and sweet, and let the past stay in the past.

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    • Good point :). Any more ideas?

    • What if I discuss confusion instead? I guess I still resent him. He's dating my friend now.

    • None that I can think, but talking with him personally would probably be better. Showing him how you've changed holds more significance I think, especially if you just hang out together and do things you couldn't during your depressive state.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Well, it's a great letter.. My take would be that you're explaining yourself and your reasoning. That said, he went with your friend!!! This violates unspoken rules between you and your ex dating each others friends AND most importantly, your friend broke the same rule... Everyone knows friends can't date an ex of another friend. Total bs!

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    • Haha thanks! They told me they didn't mean to hurt me and it just happened. 3 months of ignoring me and them hanging out though...

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    • I went to counselling after and my counsellor called her a chameleon and told me she was the type of woman who would cheat on my future husband

    • I tried to talk to her after and she told me to get over it.

  • All I see is excuses and you pointing the finger at him. This isn't closure, this is blame.

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    • Good point, thanks :)

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    • I think that is good, I mean, he is the center of his universe, right? So from his perspective, sure he wants to understand you, but the most important thing to him will be: what does it mean for his life? What's in it for him?

    • Erhm, sorry. I commented on the wrong opinion lol.

  • I think it is nice. And brave. Are you simply looking to make peace, or do you want him back?

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    • Everyone keeps saying it sounds like I'm blaming him.

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    • I try to but they are everywhere. I can't go to my favourite bar or my gym. They have been serious for 6 months now. Hopefully her borderline personality disorder destroys the relationship soon.

    • Irritating! In time, though, something in your life will completely eclipse those two.

What Girls Said 4

  • I hope you get it.

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    • What did you think of the letter?

  • I think you need to re evaluate the feelings inside of you. Oftentimes people say they're over someone, but the truth is that they're not. From your letter, I could tell that you're still hurting and that you want him to feel bad about it. I understand the betrayal you feel that he left when you needed him but you need to understand that at that time, you weren't ready for a relationship whether he wanted to be with you or not. I've had depression too, and what I realized was that depression just comes without anyone forcing it to come. The people around us aren't the one's to be blamed for it, and sometimes it's hard being around the person in pain because they don't know how to deal with it. I think you need to find someone to talk to about your feelings because if you don't take that step, then nobody else can do it for you. Instead of focusing on the past, try to find a way to get to know yourself more and help yourself rather than focusing on the what ifs or whys.

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    • Good point :). It was just hard on me. I resented him a lot. Him and my friend started dating after and she told me I lost my chance because I suffer from depression.

    • well when I met God, it became much easier for me to forgive the one's who hurt me. The way I see it, love and hate are two very different things. love cannot turn to hate as hate cannot turn to love since they're the opposite. And you need to look at this through love alone. Think of it like this, a certain point of your life, you had a forever with a guy you loved. But then, he needed to leave because it was time for you to get to know yourself more and help yourself into becoming a better human being. The breakup, though it hurt, it opened you to a door where you could become anything you wanted. It's a chance where you get to start believing in yourself and chasing your destinies. That forever you had with that guy didn't end. It was just a forever in a certain part of your life. And now, you have the possibility of moving forward, and meeting somebody else, perhaps someone even better.

    • it may be hard, but try to see from their perspective. everyone has different experiences, and your ex just didn't know how to be with you when you were in pain and he didn't know why. Forgive him and try to see the good in him and others and just move on with your life. you don't know what's waiting in your life, but if you keep on being stuck in the same spot, wanting to be with him, than you may not see the different journey, the happier one

  • Well, you better did not send it to him XD or he'll think that you are so dependent to him ( even though it is true) you should never ever show him that your life without him has no meaning. peace

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  • He's moved on. He won't care tbh

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