Should I give it more time or break up and move on?

My fiance of 5 years and I haven't been getting along these past couple of days. He's had his own summer seasonal business for the last 4 years. The business comes with lots of headaches and drama and so much stress. He copes by drinking and smoking pot. Last year was the worst year ever and going through it with him was very difficult. We talked about it and the outcome of the conversation was he expressed he was ready for a change. Being with him I have to hear about all the drama 24/7 and then do things to make it better and it's pretty draining for me.

Well after the season he didn't look for a change and guess what, he is still running this business. Just when I thought that last year was bad, this summer has started out to become the worst. All of the drama and stress brings me down and I can no longer put up with the business. I hit my breaking point when I had to sit in a police station to file a complaint for an hour on him behalf and then spend several hours contacting media, etc. At night sleeping next to him I cry. Lately it's been really bad.

I'd rather he sell it and get a regular job like other people until he has another great business idea. We were engaged and after an angry rage I had, I gave him back his ring. I just don't want to be married to him while he has this business. I hate his business and how it makes me feel.

We haven't had sex for 6 months, we never had a wedding date set, we wanted to have kids this year and that's out the window. I ended up getting so upset with him that I exploded on him. I left afterward and got a room at a hotel to calm down. I sent him an email to let him know calmly these are the things that are important to me and used to be important to us. I thought he was being selffish and our relationship just isn't working out. It was an ultimatem. I told him point blank,

Updates:
To finish my question: He isn't going to sell or get rid of his business because the season has started and he has bills to pay. I totally understand that. I told him I can't hear about the business any longer and not to talk to me about it. After the conversation we seemed to be good. Now all I get is the silent treatment. I pushed him to find out what was wrong now and he said he reread my email and was thinking about everything and stormed off. Do I give him time? Do I move on with my life?
I have helped him with his business so much. I just can't take the drama it comes with anymore. I cry from stress all the time and it turns me into a bitter unhappy person. Ordinarily I'm very positive person.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I suspect that you are old enough and wise enough to know the result of giving him an ultimatum. Usually, ultimatums are given with an expectation of how the other person will respond, and then you can take whatever action you want and point the finger at the other one and say it was all their fault. I am not trying to be overly critical, as I have done it myself.

    What you describe is a relationship that probably should have ended a few years ago. Being engaged that long without getting married is a pretense that we engage in to justify certain things, but it usually is also a sign of significant problems.

    You don't like him and you don't like your life. You don't respect him and he doesn't respect you. You don't even have lust in your relationship now.

    If you are not ready to leave (and I think that you are,) ask yourself what sign you need to see so that you will be convinced that it's over and it is time to move on.

    If you leave him, it will be difficult. You were together for a long time and for many years, you assumed that you knew something about the rest of your life. A breakup for you will be traumatic like waking up one morning and discovering that everyone around you is suddenly speaking a different language that you don't know. Make yourself a list of reasons for leaving him and, after you have separated and you are missing "the good old days," pull out your list and read it.

    Reach out to your close friends. They want to be there for you and this is when they will feel good about being your friend.

    Good luck!

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What Guys Said 2

  • Sounds like you already know the fairy tale is over, and are standing up for yourself. Bravo. Good for you. I would leave him to his mistress, this business, as he clearly does not get it, or your needs, which are second to him and his business. Otherwise, there's no way he stand to hurt you and push your relationship onto the back burner (at best).

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  • seems like u can't afford him lots of times... anyway. i guess his job is his choice n only... no?

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What Girls Said 4

  • If you are sleeping next to him and crying you know this is not a good relationship to be in. I think deep down inside you know the right thing to do is move on.

    I'm not sure if it's his job or what, but he needs to work on his problems. The business seems to be bringing out the worst in him. But I doubt it's just the business that would cause him to act this way. It seems to be triggered by stress.

    I think you need to get out of this relationship. Find the strength. Unless he is willing to go to counselling as I think it would probably help him. He has some issues that need resolving before you two can have a happy healthy relationship.

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  • You should move on because it sounds like you can't support him. And honestly you sound really dramatic especially for your age. Your job is to support him not nag. If you are so unhappy just leave so he can find someone who will support his career.

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  • MAYBE YOU could help him with his business? Has he asked for your help or is is too proud?

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  • You should move on.

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