How can I get over the damage from a past relationship and gain my confidence and worthiness?

I was in a relationship and during the process my sense of self worth was destroyed. In alit better than what I was but he did say some things that really hurt me. He would compare our iq level (apparently his is like 180 or something) and he would always compare me to a retarded child compared to him. He was also disappointed that I didn't have big boobs and he wasn't afraid to stare it... Those are just two examples but he said some things that I never thought anyone would say to me but he said it in a way where you don't blame him for saying it. The relationship is over and I am still hurt by some things he has done but I don't want to live like that. What's a good way to stop feeling worthless and even stop being angry at him for doing it and me for letting it get to me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • My ex would treat me like I was stupid while I had the higher iq, she wasn't too far behind, but she was clever enough into making me trust her while she cheated. She demoted everything I was good at and told me that I was a cold person. The last part got me, because a cold person will manipulate and doesn't care for anyone else but themselves, I didn't know how much of my heart she had until she did the things she did and said. She tries to play off to everyone that it was mutual and clean, and it's hard not to let everyone know, she brought me to the church I volunteer at, and the only person she isn't a Christian to is me. I'm just focusing on me, bettering myself, and whenever there is someone needing my assistance I'll give them by best. Stay busy, they'll regret what they did or said and someone new and better will come along.

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    • i had the opposite affect after i got over my emotional turmoil
      in my mind im the best thing that ever happen, im stronger, faster, girls offer me sex, and im slowly working on my life, im still working on it but its going better so far

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 57

  • I think you need to stop rationalizing and excusing him for the things he said. Imagine if some guy had said those things to your younger sister; would you be offering so many apologies for his behavior. Understand that he said these things because it is a way of controlling you. He needs to control you because of his insecurities; he is afraid hat if you are in control, you will leave him. While that may seem pathetic, it is also a very mean-spirited and selfish thing to do.

    The writing in your post indicates above average IQ and most intelligent people are aware that they are above average. Do you think that you may be accepting his criticisms without challenge because you feel a need to be punished? He also criticized your boobs because they are not big. I don't know what size they are or how big you are but I have seen pictures of girls with 34A boobs who were absolutely beautiful. Big/medium/small boobs is just a preference, like tall/average/short women. There are plenty of men who actually prefer a woman with small boobs; if you don't believe that, Google "small boobs" and see how many web sites are devoted to girls with small boobs. Besides, he stayed with you for how long after he discovered that your boobs are small? If it was a big deal, why didn't he leave sooner?'

    Being in a relationship with someone who is controlling is like being a prisoner. You are free now, and you have the freedom and safety to think bad things about your former jailer. It's okay to express some anger. . . and that's what you need to do before you can move on.

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  • You need to realise that guys who do this do it to do exactly what it has done to you, and the reason for it is so that you will struggle to move on, because he knows that without his nasty comments towards you and about you, you will soon end up with a guy that is worthy of you and will treat you well, while he is left with nothing. So don't take to heart what he said, just realise that now you can make yourself available for the quality your talents deserve and not be stuck with the residue of a swamp like him. Realise your worth and don't settle for a loser like him again, x

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  • Just consider this: anyone who constantly berates others verbally, whether subconsciously or otherwise, probably doesn't have any confidence. Your ex-boyfriend was clearly suffering from a case of low self-esteem and he was trying to compensate by attacking you. Don't let his ramblings get to you, he was just a miserable man. Personally, I pity him for how pathetic and weak-willed he is. I'm sorry that you wasted your time on him, but it wasn't a complete loss. You now have more experience with recognizing the qualities of the weak and hopefully you can help them build confidence in healthy ways that don't involve hurting others.

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  • 1. The woman I really really love used to do that to me though ofcourse I was in a much higher designation than she at that point of time while I realized that she's just trying to control me owing to her insecurities (she didn't mean any harm for sure) & feel that she's in my league etc.
    2. But however, there are men & women who do that on purpose (like apparently in your case) to not just cover up for their insecurity & that they feel you are beyond their league but also use such words as a tool to make their partner (in this case you) to feel worse and they succeed.
    3. My current girlfriend of 8 years too has smaller boobs and she has always had a problem with those especially while around me cause they aren't bigger. it's after over 6/7 years that she's come to accept that I love small boobs & more than that I love her statistics cause they are hers.
    4. End of the day it's not about how big or small someone's boobs or penis is, it's about knowing one self. The same goes for IQ & stuff cause you guys are not out there for some competitive examination or job but to be in a relationship, to compliment each other's flaws & positives :)
    5. This chap clearly was someone who has long standing psychological issues & derives confidence by patronizing his partner - something like a parasite who can't grow w/o a host.
    6. His success like that of a parasite is derived from sapping the host dry & leaving them lifeless. Only that parasites generally die too post the host is drained but humans are mobile & the human parasite manages to find another host.
    7. Please pardon my saying this but here the fault is not his but yours. Meaning, don't you know what you are. You need to study yourself first, know your positives & negatives i. e. realize what you are for yourself first. In which case no one can ever make you feel even a grain of worthlessness while you'll always see through their shortcomings when they try to do this. I realize that this is common & it isn't entirely your fault that you feel this way. But do what I ask you to and no one can ever make you feel this way again. I've done it and I know it can be done :)

    Good luck :)

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  • The first thing that you can do to help yourself is to come to the realisation that your former boyfriend was an arsehole.
    I can assure you that it is extremely unlikely that he has an IQ of 180, or anything that is close to that. The number of people on the planet who have an IQ in that range could fit comfortably inside a small theatre.
    My IQ is in the top 2 per cent of the population and I am among the top 5 per cent of university students, but my IQ is nowhere close to 180. I wish that it was and that I had been blessed with a photographic memory. :-(
    One of the signs of a high IQ is a degree of social awkwardness due to an inability to relate to other people and because they see the world in a way that is different to other people. The portrayal of the character Sheldon in the television series Big Bang Theory is fairly accurate.
    What you had was an abusive arsehole whose agenda was to break down your self esteem, which would make you easier to control, manipulate and hold on to. You would have become his emotional punching bag. Perhaps even his physical punching bag, because it is a short step from psychological abuse to physical abuse.
    I would suggest that you read the following books:
    1. The Instant Millionaire, by Mark Fisher. This book is about self esteem, rather than how to make money per se.
    2. Awaken the Giant Within, by Anthony Robbins.
    3. Psycho Cybernetics, by Maxwell Maltz.
    4. Skill With People, by Les Giblin.
    5. How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie.

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    • Thanks! I'll have to check those books out. You're right it took me a long time to see it but he really did jut want me to feel that he is above me so that if be easy to manipulate.

  • He might have the ability to assimilate knowledge (All an IQ is. Doesn't really mean much.) but his heart is like a child's. He is not mature. He can continue this pedantic mindset all his life, if he wants, but he will die cold, broken, unfulfilled, and desperately alone.

    You, on the other hand, have the potential to fully open your heart to a man who is going to cherish and love you, who is going to find all of your idiosyncrasies to be a beautiful compliment to his heart, mind, and personality.

    The best way to stop feeling "worthless" is to look at it objectively.

    You are being ignorant for allowing a pedant to have control over you. Even now he is hurting you, and he is not even in your life any more. His words are cutting, cutting, cutting.

    Stop it.

    It's like consulting a prisoner on death row on how to live your life. Again, stop it.

    This guy is heading to a terrible life of humiliation and betrayal because of how he treats women. You should feel terrible for him. Not feel like he is smart. Because he's not. If he was smart he'd be internalizing your personality and how it relates to his own, not putting you down and using his capacity to understand things as a way to make you feel demeaned. That's pathetic.

    Finally, the hardest thing you can do is actually open your heart to someone else. Not just anyone. Someone who has earned your trust.

    Your instincts were crying out within you the whole time you knew this jerk. Are you listening to them? They are often cold and cruel with what they say- but they are always right.

    Be ready to let another man hurt you like this. And another. And another. Because the truth it, only when your heart is soft, open, and vulnerable, will you ever find true love.

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  • Hmmmm I would definitely say to exercise and get in shape just to make yourself feel better about yourself.
    As for the boobs comment he made I wouldn't worry about that as he probably said it only to hurt you.
    Boobs are boobs to guys and we love all sizes. It's the same as you calling a guys dick small, you know it would hurt him right? Don't worry I'm sure they are fine.
    Maybe take a month or two out of dating until you feel better. A little more time and you will be ok. :)

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    • Yea I couldn't never see myself telling a guy his dick was small uNleas I wanted to hurt him. Thanks

    • @asker yeah he was just being mean.
      Seriously don't worry about that issue because guys really do just like boobs in general.
      Once you start dating again you will feel
      Much better, especially if the next one it generally a nice person :)

    • Thanks, I def appreciate guys who are kind a lot more now lol

  • Well, there are people with IQs higher than 180, so compared to them, he's the stupid one. There's always someone cleverer, and stupider, than yourself. But who gives a damn if he has a 180 IQ? He's clearly not intelligent enough to know that you would be hurt by being compared "to a retarded child." That makes him a dumbass.

    "The relationship is over and I am still hurt by some things he has done but I don't want to live like that."

    That's pretty wise in and of itself. You can take some pride in realizing what so many people fail to understand. You are in a bad situation and want to change it. Do you know how many people would just sit and moan and not seek advice to change things? You are among the wise who seek change.

    I believe the way out of feeling bad about oneself is to reflect on the good things you have accomplished in life. If you reflect on this and you still feel yourself coming up short, then go out into the world and accomplish good things.

    So, if I may ask, what are you doing with your life that will make you happy and pleased?

    As for dumping him, good riddance to horseshit, I say.

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    • Right now I'm reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" and working out and eating healthy. It's been helping but I find that the relationship still gets to me.

  • First you should understand that most arrogance is actually born of insecurity. Such people assuage their own damaged ego by bruising yours. Most of what your boyfriend said was probably bravado.

    Let’s take your two examples. He says your breasts are too small. The average woman’s breast size has increased from 34B to 34DD in just the last 20 years. But implants and weight gain are primary contributors to this change. Sixty-two percent of Americans today are either overweight or obese. So, if you are a smaller girl, sans implants, your breasts are probably normal. Besides, who chooses someone on that basis?

    Intelligent Quotient is one of the most misunderstood measures of human potential. Average is about 100 and means that half the people in a room are about even with you. But that number narrows rapidly as you go up. I am about 130 on a good day---gifted but not genius. At this level, 2 out of 100 people are on par with me but I never notice this. I have no difficulty relating to other people and have plenty of great relationships and conversation. In fact I hardly ever think about or mention it because what’s the point?

    At 180 your boyfriend would be about 1 out of 2 million. This would put him on par with people like Renaissance giant Leonardo Da Vinci, theoretical physicist Stephan Hawking and chess king Bobby Fisher. This seems highly unlikely. Besides, I. Q. only measures raw intelligence. What about things like creativity, rapport and insight? You might be head and shoulders above him in these areas.

    The best way to recover is to realize your ex-boyfriend was damaged and tried to damage you so he could feel better about his pathetic, shallow existence. You might also consider counseling. Finally, get a new boyfriend who appreciates you.

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  • I know it is hard, but try not to let it bother you. Just remember that you are better than him and that you are a smart person. I had an ex who made me loose my self worth as well. Along with control about every aspect of my life. It is really hard to move on from that person since they have essentially taken everything that you are. I don't know if it will work for you but for me I had to do things that made me happy and try and talk to other people of the opposite sex. You will find that guy who treats you like you deserve. Just try to find your passion and be yourself then that person will walk into your life. Doing what your passion is whether its something in school or finding a new hobby will bring your self esteem back up as well as make you not care about your ex. It helps to get perspective. Good Luck and remember you are better than what your ex said, never take what other people say to heart. The only thing that matters is what you think about yourself

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  • You are in good company there are times when life smacks you down like this, but don't give up! The biggest confidence booster in my eyes is to try to improve yourself. You should accept yourself for who you are and then become the person you want to be

    I have an idea to take into consideration if you want to. When you described his treatment of you as a person he didn't seem to have respect for you intelligence. One thing that will make people think you are a bit smarter and perhaps will help with your confidence is to increase your vocabulary and English skills if you are up to the task. Doing this has a few benefits it makes you sound smarter, but it also makes sure you are understood when talking to others, both of which should boost your confidence.

    I can say with confidence that you have plenty of worthiness everybody does as long as they are always trying to improve themselves, even if only a little. If your profile picture is really you then you are beautiful so do not worry about the size of your chest, if a guy doesn't like you because of something like that he is a shallow and small person and you are better off with him.

    Lastly I have learned that when you are in a relationship communication is the most important people need to understand each other and that can't happen without communication, make sure you try to understand each other and make sure you both have the same expectations out of the relationship.

    I dont know if this will help but I believe that you can accomplish these things, I wish you luck.

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  • Don't let those words get to you. Just because you aren't busty enough doesn't mean that should disqualify you from being a very special partner. Women aren't objects, they're human beings.

    Comparing you to a retarded child is just stupid. Don't let those words get inside of your head and beat the hell out of you. You may have fallen, but you've gotta learn to pick yourself up.

    Tell yourself that you're better than him, you don't need that pain in your life. If anything, he's the worthless piece of shit, not you.

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  • Your better to move on, get involved with things to keep busy,
    go join groups for people who suffered from abuse from
    relationships they are out there.. Don't be in hurry to get into
    the dating scene for while yes forgive them with moving on
    make new life for your self without them.

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  • Right now go get a ballon any color get it filled with helium take it to an out door spot where you and your ex would go and watch it float away.

    Trust me please do it it worked for me and my ex
    It even helped me get over my depression. It's a mental thing once you see it go bye bye you will feel so much better

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  • One good thing is to go out and meet people again. That will help you to start feeling like there are guys out there who will treat you well.

    Your relationship isn't what all relationships have to be like. He was someone with unusually low self-esteem, needing to rank himself as a superior through inherent qualities like intelligence. However logical some of the things he said seemed to you, rest assured, he was a weak ego trying to find power by pushing you lower than him.

    If the things he's said have dug into you, you may have had shaky self-esteem anyway. There are a lot of aspects of self-esteem, but one thing you can work on is just accepting whatever inherent qualities you have as facts. You have a breast size and brain that you didn't choose to obtain. You can't be faulted for things like that, no matter who says so. When you consider that, it's possible to start seeing his words just pass by you harmlessly. The core of you is you, and nobody can take that away.

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  • You look beautiful to me I can't believe how horrible that guy was. No smart person ever should feel the need to put down someone else's intelligence that's just vain and facetious!
    You deserve a guy who treats you better and I agree with what that other guys said ball boons are appreciated and they are a sign that you are a normal natural healthy feminine woman. It is heinous of him to put you down like that.

    You are in every way better and more valuable than that scum of a human being I wouldn't want anything to do with that monsters even as a straights guy. Don't internalize what that scum said and we are all glad you are rid of him. I hope you find healing!

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  • Don't think about things happened in past live in your present.. May be you have not good in but in some other aspects you would be good..

    Do things in such a way that he regret about loosing you.. Enjoy your life... And f__k him

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  • To be honest I came from a similar relationship where I was left pretty broken and hurt that someone you loved could do and say things that were so hurtful leaving me extremely mad and hateful towards her and others at in the end. For me it took a whole new approach I ended up moving to a new state that I always wanted to move to but I didn't move because of her to recover I moved bc its something I've always wanted to do, I separated myself from anyone that being friends or even family who was negative towards me in any kind of way I cut them out of my life bc I realized I needed more positive people in my life who would inspire me, I started going to church and praying a lot asking for forgiveness for myself and letting me get so wrapped up into something that tore me apart inside n out then I prayed and asked that I could forgive the person that hurt me most to relieve all the hate n anger I had towards her, you first must forgive yourself and others who hurt you in order to move on. I started reading self help books to help me better understand myself and how to move past the broken past and onto a better future, after getting rid of all my negative friends I joined a site called Meetup. com to find groups that I could join that had similar interests to meet people that I could relate to and have fun with new and positive people help take away all the hurt and pain by showing you new things to do in life to enjoy yourself as a whole again. I figured out once you remove negative things from your life you have to replace them with more positive things not leaving that void empty bc if you do it could create worse problems then before trust me! I also do a lot of writing to write out my frustrations and things I really enjoy in life trying new things I've never done before, meeting new people but I would recommend staying away from dating anyone for a good while until you are able to heal your wounds and become happy with who you are again starting over to be the person you know to be the most happiest person that you know! Hope this helps

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  • From the picture I can tell you're beautiful plus you're still very young, time is the best medicine. How long is it been since the relationship ended? First of all don't believe anything that he told you, man like that use that type of psychological abuse to bring your self esteem so low just to make you feel like you won't be able to find anybody else if you leave them, they do it to keep control over you.
    Before anyone can love you, you have to learn how to love yourself... change your lifestyle, join a gym, eat healthy, find some hobbies, focus all your attention in you and in loving yourself.

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  • The best thing is time. If you are ever going to give someone a fair chance then you have to be completely over the last person and allow yourself to be loved by someone who appreciates you for you.

    The biggest thing to remember is people who degrade people do it because they want to make you feel inferior to bring them down to their level.

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  • Understand firstly that there are more than one type of intelligent. If his intelligence was as high as 180 then he is a very intelligent man but not a very smart man. You seem smart as in, intuitive, introspective and are looking for positivity, which appears to be a lot more than what he is capable of. I tend to think that people are weak if they are willing to hurt others instead of help them grow. I recommend waiting, and using that time to reflect on positivity and how important it is. Also, remember that if you are looking for positivity you can not help but to end up positive after a while. I'd also think about how at the base of life there are two choices you are able to make despite the circumstances. One, is sacrifice and the other is ignorant happiness.

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  • Hmmmm. Well I have a high IQ and in no way do I feel superior over other people. I am a pre-med student and I have psychology as a subject. He sounds like he has NPD (Narcissistic personality dissorder) whereby he makes you feel that way

    please answer my question: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1517989-first-impressions

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  • By being confident in yourself so there is my two cents there so. :).

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  • Find a man who appreciates you, id rather have small breast than big breast to play with fyi or even look at, anyways he sounds like an asshole, your 23 plenty of men are out there

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  • Try to be honest with yourself. Part of you knows that the way he described you is not how you see yourself.

    And take care :)

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  • my ex was like you after a year and a half with me she was so confident she cheated on me lol go figure but anyways find you a man that appreciates you and loves everything about you and pays you a lot of complements after a while you will get your confidence back from what i see in your picture you are very very beautiful i love your eyes and small boobs rock way better then big boobs at least you don't have back problems.

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  • Listen. The person that is most dear to me is myself, and I always stand up for him. So stand up for yourself, and fuck that guy.

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  • Firstly, there is nothing wrong with you. Secondly he knows you were too good for him. Hence the reason he made you bad about yourself. He isn't happy with himself and wanted to drag you down due to he's own insecurity. And thirdly, you've wasted enough time with this guy. Go out dancing and enjoy your life. x

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  • An IQ of 180 would put him in the top 10 IQs of people currently alive, i highly doubt he is close to 180

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  • A new, better relationship will restore your confidence.

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  • More from Guys
    27

What Girls Said 40

  • Whenever some loser tries to compare himself to you, he's either really arrogant or insecure. NEITHER are desirable traits.

    I think you should look in the mirror and tell yourself true positive loving things as well as know that there are plenty of men--not children--that don't act like that donkey.

    (And with his IQ being so "high", he should know what a donkey is referred to). :)

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  • He didn't want you to know your self worth because he knew if you did, you might find someone better than him. Same thing how women are catty towards each other. They were threatened. When it comes to relationships, you can always find another guy that looks just like him. Or better. My ex was the same way, when I divorced him, I set my standards so high that I realized I was dating more attractive and more successful men than my ex husband ever was. I held my head up high, worked on being a classy lady, and realized I can pick and choose who I want to be with. Your ex saw your potential, and didn't like it, so he crushed your confidence so you will believe that you won't be able to do better than him.

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  • Well what makes me feel better about myself.. is my own opinion about myself. Yes it makes me sad when others don't see myself the way I do... but if you have a high view of yourself you will never stay down, you will always lift yourself up.. Although your ex was a complete jerk and part of the problem... You also shouldn't let him affect YOUR view of YOU. Maybe you have low self-image and it's not all due to him.. Maybe its due to yourself putting yourself down or other things in your past.. Whatever they are create a better view of yourself.. Start acknowledging your positives.. Start by acknowledging the good like "I am a beautiful person inside (which matters the most) and out." or "I have beautiful eyes, hair, and face." And believe it or not.. Not all guys like big boobs... or big chested woman some men love smaller sizes or all.. So don't let one guy determine your beauty... Instead of focusing on what your ex thinks... Focus on what YOU think about yourself.. :)

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  • You have to allow yourself to heal.
    That is the only way.

    How can you heal?
    Give yourself time.

    Do not rush into a relationship with any one until you are fully secure of yourself.
    If you do, you will only bring that insecurity into your new and existing relationship.

    You are a beautiful girl.
    You are a worthy of love.
    Someone that truly cares for you, will take you as you are in any shape or form.

    He was a jerk!
    They are every where in life.
    If you allow him to impact your self esteem he is still abusing you, because he is still invading your mind.

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  • You need to stomp out that hurt with your inner 6-inch stiletto and need to go out and meet people.

    You don't need that loser. You're going to find a guy who gets turned on, by just hearing you breathe.

    Whenever you begin to think about him, text your friends, go out with friends that actually care about you, hell you can even message me. Keep busy.

    Bake with friends, go shopping, color in some coloring books! Just don't stay idle. It's important to stay productive after a bad relationship.

    When you're alone with your thoughts, in this case, you're just going to hurt your own feelings over and over again.

    You're an awesome person, by acting mature and staying strong when faced with ignorance.

    I'm so proud that you're willing take control of your sadness and turn it into happiness. Not a lot of people are strong like you. Don't change that :)

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  • I'm sorry to read that.. It probably won't make feel better, but this guy, oh hell, this individual, was the biggest jerk this planet has ever been stepped on by. You are a lot more important to the world and the people around you than you think you are. It's certainly not a dick head with, indeed a 180 points IQ, but -0 points of social IQ who is going to tell you what to do or who you are. This dude has a serious superiority complex and is a sociopath. Girl, don't you worry. What these kind of people say are NOT something you can rely on, not something you can trust. And remember, you and only you have the power to make yourself beautiful and awesome. Not a dickhead who thinks he's above anyone else. I bet it'll be hard, but nothing good comes easily. It's out of our comfort zone that the most amazing changes are made. Be happy, be yourself, surround yourself with people who love you for who you are. And it will piss that motherf*cker off. Trust me.

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  • Accept that this guy is an asshole. What a joke! I think you're so stunning!
    He sounds like he has a superiority complex, or very low self esteem in himself.
    Dress up. Put on some sexy clothes, do your hair and do your make up. Take notice of all the men who will look at you. Surround yourself with friends and family. People who will support you. Just because you aren't some man-child's picture of perfection, doesn't mean you aren't perfect. He sounds like a guy who watches too much porn. I bet he was TERRIBLE in bed anyway haha Know that he will end up old and bitter. Time heals all wounds and karma catches up with all of us.

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  • The best way to rebuild confidence is to feel loved. Self love is obviously the first and most important step to long lasting happiness. Do things that you enjoy, that bring you happiness, and that will take your mind completely off of any pain. Those feelings do come up every now and again.

    I had an ex boyfriend that basically switched or tried to switch women in his bed less than a week after he broke up with the other, more than once, and I was the person who initially fell for this stuff. It's a long story. But anyways, the thing is, once I started catering to myself, I felt a lot better. Also, I have a new guy in my life who truly finds me special and cares about me. And a new relationship will help, but the first and most important step is doing things for yourself that make you happy.

    Best

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  • It might have never been him. Consider this it might help u to move on and heal.
    Ultimately we control our own emotional triggers you must ask yourself:
    Why I'm I so venerable from words from a other's?
    Was is my self worth based upon others view's of me?
    why does one person make me question my own beauty? etc
    Your answer lies in the question you asked
    " I do I stop feeling so worthless?"
    Why do you? have you always felt this way in one form or a other?
    Are u particularly sensitive when you feel: unimportant, or taking for granted, left out, unlovable, ignored , unwanted, not special? this all boil's down to feeling worthless.
    I am saying these are things we already feel about ourselves most of the time unknowable and hidden from ourselves as well
    when people say things to hurt someone , do you notice we all have different buttons? different things that hurt us? those are just things a mirror or confirm thing's already felt.
    First you must find and search for the bottom feeling... sometimes a few of them. The one's that send you into fits of rage and deep depressions. once you can label the worse one's or one , that has caused you most destruction through out your life time. Then you must search some more to where this comes from? most of the time it's start's with a parent, parent's or parent figure's that has sent this signal to you growing up ( (most of the time unintended ) . We were children once remember that, children that once felt unloved or devalued and grow into adults who struggle to love themselves or feel worthless. I may be wrong because I don't personally know you, but I hope this can give some insight.

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  • Obviously, he said those things because he's worthless himself. Not you. People like to say hurtful things because they can't stand the fact others have better qualities then themselves. He doesn't feel good about himself. Whatever it is. No girl deserves to be disrespected like that, it's degrading and honestly, letting this prick let you feel worthless isn't good. Forget about it, move on and just remember, it's him with the problem not you.

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  • For me, the anger phase always lasts a really long time. The damage from my first relationship (~2 years) going into my second took a really long time to work through, but my new SO helped me through it.

    Honestly, it really helps dating somebody that's actually good for you after a bad relationship. Sure, you're all bundles of nerves and ready to break down, but if they're a keeper, they'll understand what happened to you before and show you that your previous guy was a massive dick that didn't know what he had.

    So my suggstion: turn your hurt into anger and try to get back into the arena (if you aren't already). Sometimes the only way to erase bad memories is to overwrite them with good ones. Once you have a good boo, you can turn the anger into pity when you realize how insecure he must have been to constantly criticize you.

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  • He sounds like he is autistic? As for his so called i. q. At 180. He lacks emotional I. q. What made you be attracted to him in the first place?

    What a dickhead. Too much porn huh?

    You are feeling hurt because you didn't get to stand your ground with him and he kind of ambushed you like a bully would, but except a bully can't hurt you directly with words directly because you are not close. In this case, this emotional bully surprisingly turned to be your boyfriend. What could you have said in the heat of the moment to turn the tables on him?

    If it was me in your shoes, I would have said he is a fuckin worthless piece of shit to me because he is an emotional cripple and just better fucking himself till he turns to a bot.. He is a joke to the human race.

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    • I guess you let it affected you because you were passive and didn't know what to say when he 'd pull that shit out of his ass and stuffed it in your face.

  • Maybe re read what you wrote and say "did I really deserve a monster like that?". If you ask me, the only person that should have a shitty self worth is him.
    You have every right to be angry. Why dont you read my take on "how to be fabulous" and maybe get some pointers?

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  • Let him be the reason as to why you're doing greater things in life. Prove him wrong.

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  • Honestly there is no step by step procedure you can fallow to deal with this. It is going to take a lot of time, but the thing you need to realize is that it doesn't matter what he said it matters how you feel. I believe the only reason he'd be pointing out your so called "flaws" is because he has some insecurities (as we all do). I do not believe he would constantly tell you that unless he was insecure about something so he had to put you down, perhaps so you would stay with him, maybe he felt like you would leave him so he was trying to make you feel worthless. But don't believe him because no one is worthless you need to try your best to forget about him and move on with your life because dwelling in it will do you no good. Keep your head up focus on you, how you wanna feel and what you want out of life. Don't let some low life bring you down.

    Hope I could help a bit

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  • First off, he is a complete asshole and you are so better off without him! These "expectations" he has of you are unrealistic. You can't change how he sees or perceives you, but you can change how you react to his bullshit. I think the number one thing you should do after all that verbal abuse is to love yourself! Honestly, see the great things about youself! You don't have to have a high IQ or big boobs to be an intelligent and beautiful woman. We place our own beauty standards, we don't have to meet up to someone else's. I'm sure you have very beautiful attributes about yourself. Don't let anybody define your self worth! I wish you all the luck😊 keep your head up high, this too shall pass

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  • Fact: You are a better person than him.
    That already makes you worth more than him.

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  • I understand what you are going through. I don't have advice :/ But i wanna say that I am also struggling with something like that

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  • I don't know what to tell you.. dating wouldn't hurt. People like to compliment each other on dates. Don't talk too much about your ex and how he made you feel though. People like confident people, fake it until you make it.

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  • You are beautiful and deserve way much better. What an asshole. I can't believe a guy would say those things to a beautiful girl. He is selfish and sounds immature. I been through this and I went to the gym and started just focusing on myself being happy without him. It takes time but it will heal and you will see how he has a sad life treating a good girl poorly. He will regret it his loss and stupidity

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  • get drunk and dance

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  • I guess what you could do is have a make over. Change yourself. It doesn't have to be a drastic change, but sometimes a small change in behavior or appearance helps renew yourself. Also by this you could also prove him wrong by the negative words he has said to you.

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  • Is he played that IQ or boobs things like a joke? Coz I played a joke with my girlfriend by saying she is a "short legs alpaca", but of course I tell her she is pretty or I love her body in the same time.
    Maybe your ex is too arrogant. But get over it by dressing up, hanging out with normal friends. You will gain your confidence back little by litte.

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  • Get happy because your closer to happiness. your experience with this guy seemed rocky, but you are beautiful and it just means there is someone really special out there for you. sounds cliche i know, but its so true:))))

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  • Enjoy being single (don't worry about guys for awhile), spend time with your friends, go shopping, get a facial, pamper yourself. Just do things that make you feel good. Everyday that passes gets easier.

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  • Time, time, and more time. Plus therapy. You will learn that holding onto anger is "like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies." (Nelson Mandela said that)

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  • It takes time to heal and to rebuild yourself

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  • you just have to move on, it takes time

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  • You shouldn't let a guy define you or have your self worth depend on the guy.
    Rebuild yourself by loving you

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  • I can relate to you, my last relationship did not end well. He used to be a cheater and you know when you love someone you tend to get blind and never realize that this person is hurting you until one day you say enough!
    My advice is to cry if you want to, it's okay to do it and maybe take a time with yourself to rethink. I know it's going to be hard but don't burn or delete pictures, letters, gifts this person gave you, because later when you accept and forgive this person, you will laugh about it.

    "Today I want to smile after crying for a long time. I cried for someone that I'm still loving with all my heart, altough more freely and completely. Nobody belongs to anybody. I learned that people appear in your life when they should have to. There's always a reason for it" It's a book in Spanish called "Hablando Sola" it's really good and helpful I'm not sure if there is an English translation.

    Nevertheless, be strong and try to do other things, things that you never considered to do before. And don't worry, after a while it won't hurt anymore.

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