Girls, My exgirlfriend got mad at me when I said I couldn't be just friends with her. Why?

My ex and I had a pretty nasty break up. I told her that a coworker said she was using me. And she was mad because I didn't tell her right when I happened. A few weeks passed and we were talking again. A few times she had mentioned she didn't want to be with anyone right now. I was fine with that but like all ex's being friends my feelings started to come back. I spent 5 out of 7 nights with her. She made a comment about me not being just a friend to her in regards of how my ex-wife treats me. Then after the holiday, she tells me she feels I don't understand that she just wants to be friends and it's nothing person (which we all know it is). I immediately fire back with "I'm sorry I can't be just friends with you. I care too much about you". She then got mad told me she sees how much I really care and that's a lot for understanding (obviously sarcastically). Why would she act like that? I'm not so dense I don't understand she still has feelings but I guess she doesn't understand how hard it is not to act the way things used to be. Touching, kissing, etc . I have spoken to her since then and plan to keep it that way. Keep in mind, I treated her like a queen. Gifts, babysat, and so on and never expected anything in return. I was an extremely nice guy to her and she has never had that before. Comes from many abusive relationships. I also never tried to kiss or anything after the breakup. Please help me understand this.

Updates:
Well, I was waiting a bit to give an update. Not really sure still where I stand nearly a month later. We are good friends, I love her children to death and we've been intimate but that's about it. She will get attached and then back away (my guess is the confusion and fear drives this). Unfortunately this is where I stand now. She gave me a very heartfelt letter for Father's Day. Since then, has become more distant. once again my guess is it brought out feelings and she recognized that. ?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's because she wants it her way. She still wants you in her life just not the way that you to be. The way you gave her everything or acted on every whim you basicay spoiled her and she's use to you being her chew toy.

    When I say that I don't mean she was just using you because she wasn't she did developed feelings for you and I'm sure she still has some. It's just she wants to act as if it never happened and go back to the way it use to be. She wants you in her life but she doesn't want to deal with a relationship. She feels that you're not listening to her or being a good friend because you're not putting her wishes first. She asked you to be a friend and be there for hee in that way but you still want more. Which makes her feel uncomfortable but she doesn't want to lose you.

    Which is interesting because she's not being a very good friend either because she isn't respecting your wishes, considering your feelings, and putting her own a side. If you really can't be around her then don't if she really wants you as a friend or once you get over her she'll cone around.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I am friends with every guy I've ever dated... except my x-husband who I speak to out of necessity not because I want to.

    She feels betrayed and the trust was broken because you didn't mention the thing with the co-worker right away. That betrayal isn't going to go away overnight, it needs time to be healed and may never be fully.

    Waiting a couple weeks is not enough time coming out of an intimate relationship, particularly if it was long term to move into "friend zone", it's going to take months. IF you care about her the way you say you do, you will respect her wish to be "just friends" leave her alone and move on with your own life and processing of the relationship loss

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  • it sounds like she needs you for something.. I don't know what... or maybe she doesn't want to be committed right now for some reason. It doesn't sound normal if you are spending so much time with her...

    You didn't do anything wrong and I applaud you for being honest. Sounds like she is a bitch.

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  • Sorry I hate to be blunt but your coworker probably was right, she could just be using you. She doesn't want a relationship just in case someone else comes along, but she doesn't want you to not be there just in case someone doesn't. She's stringing you along for a backup.

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  • its too painful for her to be close to you.. why should she have to be? its her choice and it sounds like it was her choice to end it with you. you are not respecting her boundaries. she's told you she wants to be single and wants only friendship from you but you spend 5 out of seven nights with her? your crousing her lines. she reiterates that you wanna be friends, you don't accept it so then she gets mad. she told you what she wanted and needed and you didn't listen. its hard for her cos there's feelings there but she doesn't wanna be round you. your not being fair. treating her well isn't an automatic ticket to her vagina. just bc you haven't tried to kiss her doesn't mean your not crossking the lines in other respects. if you cared about her you should listen to her and leave her alone

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    • lol whatttt? he was just honest?

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    • First of all whoaaa is my first reaction, you seem to be quite riled. Like you say you asked for my opinion. I am still happy to give it just bare in mind I am not attacking you, I am just offering you a perspective you don't seem to have previously antictipated.

      Second of all, you have included some info I didn't know before.

      That being said, I still think you are overstepping the boundary lines. Note: not FRIENDSHIP boundary. the boundary you are crossing I by still being too close. friends don't stay over more than half the week. Fair enough if she asked you though, I didn't know that.

      She has sent a few mixed messages with those comments you just said and the staying over thing. STill, though, she said she doesn't want a relationship with anyone.

      So I think if you are truly wanting to be just friends, you are both overstepping the boundaries. I think you need to draw some new ones. Say that you can't keep hanging out like you are if your not going to be together. Then you won't

    • be left in limbo land somewhere between friendship and a relationship. I think she is very confused about her feelings and that is why she is so conflicted in what she says to you. You setting new boundaries might help her make her mind up by giving you guys time and space to cool off. Good on you for leaving her to text first. I also think she is very angry that you spoke to your co-worker about her if that caused you to break up. Maybe it will take some apologising and groveeling from you but she will come round. sounds like a pride thing. talking about a girl behind her back like that feels like a betraya to some girls to maybe her pride is hurt. maybe she's sending you mixed messages cos she wants you back but wants an apology first.

      Remember this is all just my speculation basedon what yuve told me, only my opnion. Keep me updated though I hope it works out

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