Heartbreak - my friend thinks the guy is trying to forget I exist?

I'm going through a breakup of sorts - very long story (we weren't together but we were really close - I think he was in love and gave up after realizing we couldn't be together in his current state, God willing).

I talked about it with my friend - based on the situation and his brother's not-so-subtle attempts to get me to move on, my friend said, "I think he's trying to forget that you exist."

I can understand "he doesn't want to talk to you" or "he's trying to push memories out of his mind" but "he's trying to forget that you *exist*"?

is it just me or does that sound to you like severe heartbreak? :/ he used to joke about the future and similar, said if I ever left he thought he would be so sad he wouldn't be able to do much for about a week (which kind of happened), etc. (Just to clarify I am heartbroken too - I really loved him, we just couldn't be together right now. he was my best friend as well.) I feel terrible because I may have caused him extra pain by trying to solve the situation - I didn't realize it was this severe.

Also does the strategy of being as invisible as I can to him sound helpful? his brother specifically suggested I just forget about him and act like he doesn't exist ("that's what he's done to you.")

I really don't want to explain the situation by the way.
Guys in particular what would this mean to you if you did this when you ended things with somebody?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well my ex wife left me and pretty much acted as if I didn't exist. She wouldn't give me the time of day. We were even envolved in some projecfs together. And that was hard as hell to be there with her. So I suppose he is doing the same thing. It also may be depression as well. Or he is angry.. at himself or you.

    • :'( I feel so terrible. I understand why he left but I didn't realize I had caused him so much pain and in a horrible way it's flattering because I think it proves that he really was in love with me if he wants to forget I even exist, God willing.

      I'm sorry to hear that about your ex wife - that's awful.

    • Show All
    • Well sounds to me your in love with him. As he is with you. Send him a ketter tell him how you feel.

    • Did you get my message about him even now (! 3 months later!) acting like a jerk (ignoring me, not getting out of the car when his brother helped me move but sitting there blasting sad music and watching me in the rear view mirror) and not even looking at me when he left?

Most Helpful Girl

  • He's trying to make the pain go away that's all. It isn't that he didn't love you I'm sure he did but remembering you probably takes him back to the break up so he would rather just forget that you exist. Which is not a easy thing to do so I suggest you don't do that. While he's trying to forget that you exist.. It's not going to happen but he's going to start thinking about all the memories you guys had and he's gonna start missing you and eventually contact you again or just accept the fact that you were in his life for a good reason..

    • The remembering part is what my friend meant - in my mind smiling or saying hi at an event means I'm over it and am being civil, but apparently to him she thinks it would make him remember :/ and I'm like is he that upset that he doesn't want to remember me at all?

    • You're right smiling or saying hi is being civil and friendly there's nothing wrong with that. Maybe he isn't ready to see you again. It probably hurt him more than it hurt you but it's understandable.. I'd say maybe try to talk to him yourself but it's up to you.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • it is understandable to feel like this when you were close together... i can understand your friend thinks this is a solution


What Girls Said 2

  • Well if you both really liked each other I think you should try talking to him about even though you two can't be together why I don't know. But maybe in the future you two could have a relationship or now at this point have an open relationship if your OK that. But don't stop trying to be his friend. Figure out why he isn't talking to you and then talk about it with him. I hope this helped a little.

    • It did but this is another level. my friend thinks even if I smile at him at an event it will make him remember me and just hurt him all over again (he's the one who ended things, I think because he realized the situation wasn't possible at the moment so it was too painful for him to continue trying, God willing)

    • I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry I can't be more of a help to you.

  • Act like he doesn't exist.

    • k thanks and do you think I'm right about him being really brokenhearted?

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