I miss my ex but I hate it?

He's done a lot of fucked up things to me. I will never trust or love another man again. I miss him at the same time and that makes me VERY angry. Because I am hot for 30 I treat men like shit. Every guy after my ex I've been a complete bitch to and will continue being a bitch. Since I still have a youthful face and nice body I'm going to dog men and so far I already have with a guy I just met.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The first thing you have to do is chose to forgive.
    forgiveness is what you do for yourself, not for other people. When you forgive, it doesn't mean that you approve of what's happened. Rather, it means that you're giving yourself permission to move on with your life.

    Forgiveness is a choice. Don't wait for it to just wash over you all of a sudden. You have to choose it.

    Don't give your power away. The pain of what happened is inevitable, but continuing to suffer is optional. The only person you can control is you. By constantly reliving the pain of what happened, you are giving your power away to the person who wronged you.

    Don't cling to negative feelings. Anger is nothing more than an outward sign of hurt, fear, guilt, grief or frustration. While the pain may never completely disappear, forgiveness can help you release the anger and bring those in your life closer to you.

    There is no right timeline for recovery. For some people, making peace happens suddenly and spontaneously. For others, it takes time and effort. You may have to make a conscious effort every day to forgive. To say, "I'm letting this go. I'm not going to invest hatred, bitterness, anger, resentment in this person anymore." You can find closure in forgiveness.

    You can't change the things that happened in your life, but you can decide how you interpret and respond to them. If you didn't receive support when you needed it, give it to yourself now.

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    • Trust is not about how much you trust one person or another to do right or wrong. How much you trust another person is a function of how much you trust yourself to be strong enough to deal with their imperfections." Have enough faith in yourself to be able to put yourself on the line with someone, without any guarantee of what will happen next. If you're playing the game with sweaty palms, it's because you're afraid of what you can or can't do, or dealing with your own imperfections — it's not about the other person.

      Know that you will get hurt if you're in a relationship. There is no perfect person without flaws. Even a well-intended guy is going to hurt his partner. He's going to hurt your feelings. He's going to say things that you don't want him to say. He's going to do things you wish he wouldn't do and not do things you wish he would do. A relationship is an imperfect union between two willing spirits who say, ''I'd rather be in a relationship and share my life, share my joys, share my fun, share my activities, share my life than do it alone." If you want to be in a relationship, know that getting hurt comes with the territory. You just have to decide that you are durable enough, that you have enough confidence in yourself that you can handle it.

      Don't invest more than you can afford to lose. While it's important to move forward, you need to take things one step at a time. Don't put so much out there that you'll be emotionally bankrupt if things go south.

    • @Phantom-menace1234 Excellent answer!

      I believe people also get hurt because they place unrealistic expectations on their partner. Particularly women... because we think and communicate a little differently we assume men are going to instinctually know what we want and expect from them. It isn't fair to either person, and unless some very frank discussions happen without laying blame or judgement a lot of drama is likely to happen

    • Very true V4lkyrie2.

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What Guys Said 2

  • It is a pity that your ex treated you that way because it sounds like you are hurting yourself in these new relationships by not giving them a chance to work.

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  • oh man... is there any reason y u behave like a "bitch" as u say? :/

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What Girls Said 1

  • lol I'm hot for 30 too, that doesn't make it acceptable to be a bitch because you can.

    You're right, as long as you are pining over a man that treated you like shit, and being a bitch to the men you meet, you will never trust or love another man. Those men that you're treating like shit will learn rather quickly it isn't safe to let you in, and they will go on and establish some messed up view about women based on their experience with you. In the end when you've finally decided that you've had enough you're probably going to attract someone who does just as many if not more shitty things to you then your ex did.

    Much more productive to take a breath and try to figure out what YOU did to attract your asshat ex to you in the first place so you don't do it again.

    Our own choices are one of the few things we actually have control over. I fail to see why anyone would intentionally choose to be a cunt because they can. I do know 'hotness" has nothing to do with it.

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