Am I being played by my ex gf?

My ex-girlfriend texted me for the first time in 3 weeks. She wanted to talk and said someone in her family died. I still love this girl and am very torn on what to do. After our breakup she contacted me non-stop which I didn't answer, needed space and thought no contact would be best. Then after multiple calls, she finally left a voicemail which she sounded sad and that she really wanted to talk to me, and it was about one of her sick relatives. I answered and made the mistake of saying call me if you need anything. Which she did almost every day... I ignored. She got upset, and basiclly started calling me an ass cuz our meeting dates werent working out. She send me a final text 3 weeks ago saying she doesn't want to meet up or be friends with someone who treats her this way, which i dont get cuz she dumped me. Yesterday she texted me again wanting to to talk about about her family death, which I'm not sure if its just an excuse, but I also feel bad. She asked me to call her, and then after a while said nvm. I do want to talk to her but dont want to be a sound board whenever she needs the moral support. I have a feelling if I do text her, she will call me and want to talk.

  • Text her and say sorry to hear about you family death
    Vote A
  • Say nothing, no response
    Vote B
  • Other, what should I do AHHH!
    Vote C
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Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds to me like she's trying to manipulate you, and her erratic behavior in attempting to get a response from you has gone well beyond her "sick relative". Did she say which relative it was? Not that losing anyone in your family, be it close or distant, is ever easy to accept, I just don't see how you're the only "shoulder" for her to cry on.

    Like you said, she dumped you, and you're respecting her decision. It seems now she's no longer in control, she's losing self-control and is pulling out all the stops at typical manipulation techniques. Non-stop calling that turns into a situation where she uses your compassion via an emotional trigger (family member illness) to get a reply from you. Then she proceeds to name calling, once her whining with the violin playing in the background doesn't work, also saying she doesn't want to see or talk to you again, which you say "fine", but when that doesn't work, she pretends like she never called you names or said she didn't want anything to do with you and proceeds back to step one, which if you ignore her will quickly turn to the angry name calling again.

    You're not a bad person or ignoring her. Of course it's sad and tragic her family member died, but that's not your problem. You can feel sorry for her loss, but you don't have to rent a plane with a banner expressing your condolences. You owe her nothing. Remember, she broke up with you, and you're not the only person in her life she can reflect on the death of her family member with. If anything another relative would be more appropriate. In essence, she's wanting to use you for her benefit, even though she seems to forget the fact she dumped you. Sorry, but she really shouldn't be able to have it both ways; especially when you're processing being broken up with and she's not letting you heal.

    I may be sounding a bit harsh, but what will be next with her? An earthquake made her hit her knee and she needs you to call her and talk about it so it will hopefully start feeling better? Will she remember something she left at your place she suddenly can't live without? I'm guessing yes. I've dealt with people like this before, and the only way to move on is to ignore them and cut them off.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I'm not 100% sure what you should do but it might sound like she wants to work things out. If anything you should at least tell her your sorry for her lose during this difficult time. After that if you really want to move on then you need to block her and delete her from your life so you don't get tempted or receive any calls or messages from her. Other wise ask her what she wants from you, ask her if she wants to try again and see if you can get answers but that is really up to you at this point.

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  • you should text her.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Tell her something like this:

    "My condolences for your loss, but I don't want to be someone you use as a shoulder to cry on. I want to be with you, not a just a friend. If you change your mind you can get in contact with me, but till then I hope you well".

    Losing a family is something I have experienced, but since you're her ex, you aren't entitled to be her cushion. Let her know that!

    If she contacts you again after you've sent the text assume she wants to see you and set up an evening date.

    Don't let someone walk over you and use you as an emotional blanket.

    Update me with what's going on please.

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  • "A" of course... being kind's never bad ;)

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