My ex-girlfriend texted me for the first time in 3 weeks. She wanted to talk and said someone in her family died. I still love this girl and am very torn on what to do. After our breakup she contacted me non-stop which I didn't answer, needed space and thought no contact would be best. Then after multiple calls, she finally left a voicemail which she sounded sad and that she really wanted to talk to me, and it was about one of her sick relatives. I answered and made the mistake of saying call me if you need anything. Which she did almost every day... I ignored. She got upset, and basiclly started calling me an ass cuz our meeting dates werent working out. She send me a final text 3 weeks ago saying she doesn't want to meet up or be friends with someone who treats her this way, which i dont get cuz she dumped me. Yesterday she texted me again wanting to to talk about about her family death, which I'm not sure if its just an excuse, but I also feel bad. She asked me to call her, and then after a while said nvm. I do want to talk to her but dont want to be a sound board whenever she needs the moral support. I have a feelling if I do text her, she will call me and want to talk.
- Text her and say sorry to hear about you family deathVote A
- Say nothing, no responseVote B
- Other, what should I do AHHH!Vote C
Most Helpful Guy
It sounds to me like she's trying to manipulate you, and her erratic behavior in attempting to get a response from you has gone well beyond her "sick relative". Did she say which relative it was? Not that losing anyone in your family, be it close or distant, is ever easy to accept, I just don't see how you're the only "shoulder" for her to cry on.
Like you said, she dumped you, and you're respecting her decision. It seems now she's no longer in control, she's losing self-control and is pulling out all the stops at typical manipulation techniques. Non-stop calling that turns into a situation where she uses your compassion via an emotional trigger (family member illness) to get a reply from you. Then she proceeds to name calling, once her whining with the violin playing in the background doesn't work, also saying she doesn't want to see or talk to you again, which you say "fine", but when that doesn't work, she pretends like she never called you names or said she didn't want anything to do with you and proceeds back to step one, which if you ignore her will quickly turn to the angry name calling again.
You're not a bad person or ignoring her. Of course it's sad and tragic her family member died, but that's not your problem. You can feel sorry for her loss, but you don't have to rent a plane with a banner expressing your condolences. You owe her nothing. Remember, she broke up with you, and you're not the only person in her life she can reflect on the death of her family member with. If anything another relative would be more appropriate. In essence, she's wanting to use you for her benefit, even though she seems to forget the fact she dumped you. Sorry, but she really shouldn't be able to have it both ways; especially when you're processing being broken up with and she's not letting you heal.
I may be sounding a bit harsh, but what will be next with her? An earthquake made her hit her knee and she needs you to call her and talk about it so it will hopefully start feeling better? Will she remember something she left at your place she suddenly can't live without? I'm guessing yes. I've dealt with people like this before, and the only way to move on is to ignore them and cut them off.0