Why can't I move on?

I was married for almost 20 years. I've been divorced for 2 years now. We had 2 children together. It has been a difficult separation and divorce. We both did horrible things during the last 2 years of our marriage. We hurt each other badly. All during the separation he kept telling me to move on that he didn't want me anymore... I begged over and over for him and I to work things out and keep our family together. The day of the divorce we sat together in the court house then after the divorce was finalized we had lunch together, went to a movie and made love. I have always told him that I love him still. He continued to tell me to move on with my life... to the point where I told him I was going to because he didn't want me anymore. When I did finally move on and started dating he became jealous and started stalking me and my boyfriend. He sued me to get out of the house we still owned together because he didn't want my boyfriend there. It was a horrible time. He just wouldn't stop with the harassment and meanness towards me. He sued me then for full custody of our children and won. Since then I have lost everything. I became resentful and very angry. It took me hitting rock bottom to find my way back and start taking care of myself again. I forgave him and myself for everything that had happened between us. I told him this and we have been getting along better. Our children have had a hard time obviously with all this. Poor kids, they have been in the middle of all this. I finally decided to stop so that they wouldn't hurt anymore. It's been over 2 years since my divorce. The last months my ex and I have been getting along ok. Even going out a couple of times and becoming intimate. I really thought it was going to be good again. Him and I talked about things but he continually is negative even though I am positive. I told him we can't make things right if he won't try. We had sex together and then one week later he said he didn't want to see me anymore. I told him he just used me. That I had poured my heart out to him and this is what I got? He said that he was dating someone else and that he didn't want to see me and that he didn't love me anymore. My heart was broken again. I asked him why he keeps doing this to me. He didn't answer. The next day I decided to still be nice to him because of our children and the fact that I didn't want to feel those angry feelings again. I talked to him a few times that week. Very friendly between us. Then again he just started not responding to me at all. I again, poured my heart out to him via messages but still nothing back from him. I don't understand how he can just not respond to me. How can he not care about me at all? I have really been stressed these last years because of him. To the point of serious emotional problems. Sometimes I don't want to go on anymore. I tell him this but he said I need to handle it myself. I just don't get it.. One day he is there t

here the next he is gone.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'll keep my comment short. I think the main problem was that you two were trying things again and again several times while the best thing to do would be to not ever talk to each other again after the divorce. It might have hurt even more but at least by now you would most likely feel much better and forget about him already. But because of keeping in contact with him all this time, he was always on your mind.

    I think it's very hard for him too. He doesn't want to intentionally hurt you by ignoring you. It was his fault that he let you get intimate with him again after divorce. But I think now he finally realized that the only way to move on is to completely get out of each others life. With this extremely valuable experience, I believe that you both can find new relationships which can be even better than what you had before. Just make sure that instead of dwelling on it, you simply learn from it and apply the knowledge to make your future better. Good luck. You seem like a strong woman. I admire you.


Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I know you guys were married, but you can't move on, cause you keep going back. You need to leave the situation, not ur children, just him and u. It will help you alot.


What Girls Said 1

  • well moving on won't be easy because you spent twenty years with this guy and had kids by him.the best solution in my opinion would be to cut off all communication with him unless it was about the kids.but as far as the lunches,dinners and mindblowing sex goes it has to stop because that seems to be his way of keeping you under his thumb and you need your freedom.good luck


Recommended myTakes