Meeting with my ex-girlfriend?

I'm supposed to meet with my ex-girlfriend over coffee to talk about things. She wants to be friends again as we haven't really talked since she broke up with me two months ago. I've thought about it for a while and was going to be fine with it, but my motives for being friends just isn't right. I want to be friends to try and get back with her eventually, and to be friends with benefits . Which might ultimately hurt me. I don't think being friends with someone I still have romantic feelings for will be best. She told me before that she wants nothing more than friends and I don't think I could handle seeing her with another guy. My parents don't even want me to meet with her because they think seeing her will set me back further. They want me to just tell her over the phone, so I don't have to see her. I want to though to show that I am strong enough and trying to move on. I'm just worried she'll beg me to be friends and that she'll try to manipulate me with good times we had together. I need to make sure what I say is set in stone! Any other suggestions?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • basically wot do u wanna do? apart from wot yer parents say!

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What Girls Said 3

  • If you want to get back with her and she just wants you to be friends it's best if you don't meet her at all. It will just hurt you. By the way, think about why you broke up in the first place. Getting back with an ex almost never ends good.

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  • Don't meet up with her period end of story

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  • Don't do it, get her out of her life. Say this: "I loved you and just want you back with me but I cannot be friends with you. If you no longer want me, I need you out of my life completely so I can get over this"

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What Guys Said 6

  • Listen to your parents and your gut instinct. Your parents have your best interests at heart, and you seem like a smart guy with good instincts, which are being bluntly honest with you about how you truly feel.

    I agree with meeting her will only set you back more, putting you in a possible emotional tailspin where you will have to once again go through more pain to get back to where you are now, which is still dealing with the fact you two are no longer together.

    I had a girlfriend that wanted her freedom, yet she wanted to see me. A very good friend of mine helped me understand she was merely using me. Not intentionally, but I was clearly having a much tougher time with the breakup than she was, yet she always instigated contact and was the one offering to meet up. This was all after she told me she contacted her ex (who I realized she was still in love with) and also explained if another guy asked her out, she'd accept.

    So, just what good would it have been for me to "hang out" at her convenience, where I would be relegated to talk, but knew I couldn't resume what we had? Answer is nothing. Not one thing, and this applies to you, too. Why in the F would you want to just be friends with someone you are clearly not over? So, you're prepared to act like all is well and you don't care she's dating someone else when you really do? If she's broken up, then why does she need to meet with you? She doesn't get to set the rules of your life and how you should behave; especially over something as painful as a breakup.

    There's no "playing it cool" unless you're 15. Be yourself and embrace your true feelings, understanding you need more time to heal and move on. If she doesn't understand that, then she's probably an idiot.

    Let her go have coffee with someone else and "be friends" with another person. You do not need her right now. What you need is time to process everything and eventually accept what happened and what's ahead for you. I promise if you give yourself more time away from this girl and even break off contact, you'll eventually realize why the two of you broke up, and will be glad for it. This way you'll be able to meet someone else you'll enjoy a better relationship with.

    I know that's easier said than done, but trust me, stay away and move on.

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  • Nah lad listen up you've got this all wrong, I had the same problem as you and I took the wrong route and told her we could only be in a relationship, but really what most girls need is time to regenerate those feelings... of course everyone is different but girls like to do things the 'cool' way and be cliche about things, and us men have to accept it.

    This is indefinite but what she might be trying to achieve is a relationship but she is still cautious and nervous as girls don't like to be torn apart twice (depends how and why you split up). Friends doesn't sound like much but once you get her going she'll be captivated by you and in no time she'll want physical affection. Men one thing we need to learn is patience, as it is a virtue no doubt.

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  • Right, this is the perfect situation to use this "tactic" to get an ex back.

    There's only one thing you can do.

    You tell her you're not interested in being friends (which is true). You want to be her partner and lover, not her male girlfriend. You can even tell her what you told us that you "don't think being friends with someone I still have romantic feelings for will be best"

    She'll likely say she's not interested, you need to tell her this "Well that's a shame. If you change your mind do contact me, but other than that I want to move on with my life".

    If she has any attraction/interest in you she will eventually reach out. It might take a couple of weeks or a couple of months, but as soon as she realises that you're serious and the radio silence is you moving on, she'll contact you.

    People tend to look back on the past through pink glasses... she'll start to reminisce about the past and eventually it'll push her.

    When/if she reaches you NEED to assume she wants to see you. So you just answer whatever she sends with "Hey, it's great to hear from you. I'd love to meet up, when are you free?".

    Now if she agrees, that's great. But you must let HER do 100% of the contact there after... THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT. She dumped you, remember.

    If she says no, just say "Oh that's a shame, well if you change your mind contact me in the next 2-3 weeks. Till then, I gotta run!"

    She'll either contact you again (to which you do the same thing), agree to meet with you or never contact you again.

    THIS IS IMPORTANT:

    If she agrees you NEED to make sure she comes to you (i. e your house in the evening). Tell her you'll make dinner together and to bring some wine.

    If she says she'd rather you come to hers say "It's been a long week, I'm really tired and I'm just up for something quiet at mine. If you change your mind contact me in the next 2-3 weeks".

    Let HER chase YOU.

    Please follow this... it'll help and it's definitely the best way.

    Let me know what happens!

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    • Hey so I followed this tactic when meeting my ex girlfriend. I told her I would be up for giving our relationship another go, but couldn't be friends because I still have feels for her. Then she told me she really loves me still, and was sorry for breaking up with me. Then unexpectedly we ended up kissing for a while. Then I asked for a response again and she said she doesn't know. She doesn't want things to end up the same. She felt like she was on the path to marriage with me, which we talked about but only when she was in the mood mentioning it. I told her I wasn't trying to merry her but have a great relationship. I told her once more what I wanted to be with her or not at all, and she said she would like to try but doesn't want to put a boyfriend girlfrind label on it, and just try hanging out more often. I told her we would have to work on it, but I don't want to just try. She wanted time to think. She texted me later trying to start a convo. I'm not sure what to do now?

    • You blew it at the first hurdle... she broke up with you, you should NEVER speak about trying again or whatever.

      The way I see it is you're GOLD. She still likes, you still wants you and she probably does want you back.

      HOWEVER, you need to follow what I say now:

      1) DON'T ever mention being BF/GF again to her, you hear me? It's up to HER because SHE dumped YOU.

      2) DON'T ever pressurise a girl into making a decision. She said she would like to try but without the BG/GF label. What's wrong about that? Invite her to yours for dinner, have fun and hook up!

      3) She wants time to think, but then she goes ahead and contacts you? She's indecisive and wants you to take the lead because you're the man - not her.

      Basically the next time she starts a conversation with you say this "Hey, it's great to hear from you. I'd love to meet up, when are you free?"

      If she accepts set up a date and have fun and hook up. DON'T mention the relationship or anything - EVER.

    • If she declines say this "That's a shame, well get in contact if you change your mind. Till then I've got to run!".

  • Do you bro but keep it cool AT ALL TIMES, maybe even being a liitle more quiet just to show you man enough to come but not force it. If u really like her STILL bring back a old moment that makes her laugh a bit. But overall just sip the coffee and go with the flow.

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  • Don't meet up with her; she's your ex and you both have ulterior motives

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  • keep it casual :)

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