What should I be replying to my ex who just broke up with me?

Hi,

So my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me about 5 days ago. Not a really bad break-up and she says she still loves me.

We had a few days of no contact and then she just text to say hi. I replied with just general, hi. think I'm coping OK. hope you well. and then there was just a few back and forth about what we're up to.

In those, I mentioned that I was going out and then later said "yeah I had fun blah blah" as she asked if I had a good time.

Now I was thinking this was OK, cos I really want her back and people seem to advise to just act cool, confident and that you can still have fun without her. But by doing this she can't know that I am hurting and that I'm upset. so surely she's just going to think, well he was upset at the time, but now his over it and moved on and so she won't think of getting back together. cos it's not like one of us did something really terrible or horrible etc.

So should I reply to the next text of "how are you" by telling her that I'm hurting and its hard, but I think I'll get through it? So not saying, I want you and need you. but making her aware that I do still care and am upset by it?

I really don't know what's the best thing to do :-( I just want her so much.


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What Girls Said 1

  • No, definitely do not tell her that you are hurting. In fact, it is a bad idea to contact her at all right now. It is too soon. If you really want her back, wait a couple of days, then go and talk to her in person. If she says no, then acknowledge that it is over and back off (no more texts or calls or anything) for a couple of months. If you keep the texting thing going, you are just going to feel miserable all the time and you won't move on.

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    • Is hard to go talk in person as she's about 70 miles away. If she texts me and I don't reply at all, then surely that's just rude. if she doesn't know I'm hurting and thinks I've moved on already then will she not think "well it can't have meant that much to him if his moved on already"?

    • The distance thing makes it harder. I would suggest first thinking about whether you really want to get back together. There must have been a reason you broke up. If you feel you can resolve it, then get back together. Call her and talk to her about it. If you don't want to get back together or don't know, then next time she texts, tell her you need to step back because you have to make sense of this. Don't keep texting/calling without knowing; you'll just stay upset.

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