Lost my girlfriend, Lost myself, When will I feel whole again?

Im 20 years old, its currently June, me and my girlfriend of nearly 3 years broke up in October and I'm still fucked up - but its not like I miss her or want her or anything like that. It's different. I feel like a different person and I feel as though i've lost myself.

I'll try to keep it as short and detailed as possible because of the character limit but here's what happened.

We went on a break to try and fix things and make them fresh again. 2 weeks into the break I visited her at her college telling her I wanted her back but she said she wanted to wait until the break was over - Until Thanksgiving. I noticed she was acting different and distant, and looking back on it , i was in a very weak state when I went to see her. I stayed the night and we had sex, but I left in the morning. Still on break

A week later I couldn't take it anymore, I called and gave her an ultimatum, "if you haven't had sex with anyone yet I need you back and i don't want to put our relationship at risk anymore" She told me she hadn't had sex with anyone, she wanted to get back together, and She'd call me later and we could talk about it. I was so very happy and relieved.

She called later, and we talked lovey dovey and friendly for about 5 minutes before she told me she lied. I was instantly broken, felt betrayed, and empty inside. I hung up. (End of October)

Time passes it's now Christmas. I tell her i want to see her. Inside I thought to myself I'm giving her and myself a chance to see if we could ever work out again. We hang out, and I find out she's been with 6 guys since we broke up, (me, nobody- i've only had sex with her at this point- she was my first, i wasn't hers) - i also find out she lied, and she'd already had sex with someone before I came to visit her after 2 weeks into the break, when we ended up having sex. That hurt.

Now it's summer , and I still don't feel like myself since she broke me. I'll finish i up in the first comment.
I just want to be better again. I want to be happy, happy for real. But when she broke my heart she really broke me as a person, I invested too much of myself in her, and now I can't really be myself around anyone, I can't truly trust anyone -and its hard for me to have confidence in myself , or anyone i'm acquainted with. I've been with two girls since her - two friends with benefits and they didn't do anything for me whatsoever. It was out of character for me to do that and I regret it.
It's hard for me to trust people now. anybody.. even friends or just talking to someone on a regular basis. much less girls - girls i don't even care to try for anymore because i just constantly question whether or not they are genuine to myself and don't think its worth it. sometimes i feel like i'll never be able to be with someone again because i just don't feel like i'm myself anymore and it really sucks. Do you all have any advice?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Ohkay hun look you have got to stop thinking about her. Stop replaying these last couple months over and over in your head. Your never going to really know why it didn't work out and it's not your fault it didn't. All this time your spending sulking in the fact that she hurt you , is more time you spend thinking about her. You have to stop. Secondly , it's ok that your not who you once were. After a heart break like that , no one is. Trust me I know. But instead of being upset about it , allow it to make you a better person. Grow from it , you have to let it push you in a positive not a negative way. The friends with benefits yeah not good , you can't achieve love from something like that and you don't really love yourself right now so how could you accept it if someone did love you? Right now just start learning to love yourself again. Trusting people can come as a gradual thing later. No it won't be easy but it'll happen. Just get out of your head. Your your own worst enemy. The shitty thoughts you think about yourself and people do have a big role in this. It gets easier though. I was cheated on and had to go through this process myself and still am , it's gotten better. You can message me anytime if you want :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • just dont fuck with girls like that anymore. dont let em have your heart. period. thats a terrible idea, they're too fucking irresponsible. take tupacs advice; we need to go back to the penitentiary days and start jacking off, we need to start saying fuck these bitches man, cause hoes get horny and niggas die. now maybe thats an exaggeration but i know hundreds of men and we all feel the same, there hasn't ever been a woman who didn't fill our life with only strife, and we've tried it again and again, repeating the same pattern as you and we don't have anything else to show for it. now i dont know if women are just inherently evil or if they are just bred this way by modern culture all i know is there's only so many times i can get burned before i stop touching the stove. stick to sex, their bodies are the only thing worth a damn and if it comes with strings send it right back where it came from cause you dont want it. don't take promises, cause they're empty, don't take hopes for the future cause they're littered in lies, don't pony up anything you can't risk losing immediately with nothing to show for it return, and dont give a third strike to girls who waste the second

    • you get over her slow, it might be hard, but after a while you learn to hate her. you learn to see past the things you idealized in her. mistakes are only worth a damn if you learn from em. remember you got a dick and a hand, porn is free. you can orgasm with or without her so what the hell is sex honestly worth to you? And what the hell other than that did she provide? emotional support? hell no. companionship? you got plenty of friends right? fulfillment? please. that thing you call love is just sex with false hopes and the thing you call heartbreak is just the shitty hangover. drink some coffee and wait it out

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What Girls Said 1

  • am soo sorry to hear about this hun. ur story made me cry so bad. people believe that only girls can get hurt but it's so much harder for the males who really loved a girl. currently am going through a heartbreak. i dont know why it's so unfair in this world! the good guys never meet the good girls. wish i could make it better. dont think about this girl, i know it's hard but try your best to forget her. u loved her, she never loved u. do all the things that takes ur mind out of reality a bit. find ur hobbies that makes u happy, even music. try to avoid love musics, block her on social media (dont stay 'just friends') trust me it won't work! the feelings will still be present, it ain't going nowhere, go out with friends and have fun (u might jus find someone that caught ur interest- maybe could try a rebound relationship), if u start dating someone else take it really slooww, CRY when u need to (trust me, u will become stronger each time), excerise and be active (you'll slowly find back who u are), stop blaming urself (maybe ur standards were too high for her), dont rethink ur decision (try to tell urself u dont like her or jus something negative about her to get u turned off), remove memory triggers (all things that remind u of her, get rid of it. could be a smell, a book or a toy) and again remind urself of the negatives or turn offs of that girl, it works. with all these tips, u can do it. if u find this helpful, u can vote me most helpful. i hope u really find the one to ur heart and remember, DONT LOSE YOURSELF TRYING TO HOLD ON TO SOMEONE WHO doesn't CARE ABOUT LOSING YOU.


What Guys Said 1

  • 3 months to a year to recover, and a hobby of something that enjoy that is not female...


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