Ex-girlfriend in a quick rebound, was possibly unfaithful, am I wrong to be upset?

My ex girlfriend and I had been dating for a little over a year. Things were great for 11 of the 12 months but the final month there were problems mainly due to the fact that I’m in my last year of university and she’s working in the real world. She always wanted to see me but I’m in the busiest semester of my life and couldn’t see her all the time, I was seeing her 3-4 days a week but this wasn’t good enough. Also important was the fact that she hated her job and was a really miserable person to be around. I had hoped that after this semester things would get better because I would be a lot more available but she broke up with me the day after our one year anniversary. This really hurt because I had just spent a lot of time and a lot of money planning our one year and I was still very much in love with her but I didn’t fight the breakup because a part of me knew she had issues she needed to work out. When she broke up with me she told me that she didn’t feel like herself anymore and needed to go find herself. I asked her straight up if there was anybody else and she said no, she said to had to deal with herself and was not even thinking of being in a relationship anytime soon. She also said she wanted to be friends and I said we’ll see.

Three weeks later I find out through a mutual friend that she’s in a relationship with someone, a old friend that she that we had a fight over because she gave him her number just to “catch up” and he was contacting her all the time. Needless to say this hurt lol. So I sent her a text, stupid I know but this was my first time contacting her, telling her how disrespectful and insensitive she’s acting and that I suspected something must have been going on between them while we were dating. She sent me a long email telling me how upset she is with me for jumping to conclusions. She said when she met this guy she admits she was interested in him and felt that if that was the case then we shouldn’t be together. She broke it off with me and met up with him at a party two days later, “hit it off” and now they’re together. She then blames me for not seeing her enough during the last month and causing me to make her fall out of love with me.

My issue is that she didn’t respect me enough to tell me truth when she broke it off with me, after being together a year I thought they very least I was entitled to was the truth. Secondly I can even believe her when she said she didn't cheat on me if she lied about the other guy in the firs place? To find out through mutual friends that she is already dating someone was embarrassing and hurtful. I feel like a huge joke because I bought all the stuff she said at the break up and was even sticking up for her in front of my friends. And it kills me that she doesn’t think she did anything wrong. Am I wrong to be upset? Is this all somehow my fault and was she right to do this?

thanks for the replies guys...sumina - I agree with you that I was a bit naive, it was my first serious relationship

always hopeful - thanks man, I already cut contact with her, and told her I'm not going to be friends with someone who disrespected me


Most Helpful Guy

  • From the information in your question it is obvious that you are a decent guy with strong values and she has a disordered character and no values. You are assigning motives to her action by using your own yard stick and thinking that she disrespected you because YOU can think of behaving like this (if at all) only to some one who does not deserve YOUR respect.

    However, she can behave this way even if only to get what she wants. As expected from some one like her, she is throwing the blame unto you for making her fall out of "love". She is incapable of love. She is a manipulator par excellence!

    The only thing you have a right to be upset about is that you are a bad judge of character and bit naive about human nature. Many of us grow up with the mistaken belief that everyone thinks like us. This is one major source of problem while dealing with people.

    Treat this as a learning experience about life and people.


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  • Way to be strong! Maybe later she will mature, and you can talk things out, but until she has the time to think the way you are, you will only get lies and vague answers. Don't expect it or wait for it, but it may happen months or years down the road.

  • Shit bro, I wonder if I wrote this. Very similar situation for me. Frustrating and hurtful I know. Some of what sumia says is right, and you certainly don't deserve that type of treatment. Beware of the next coming weeks and months. It will help you so much to cut all contact with her now, even delete her as a friend on Facebook. Later she will want to talk or whatever and then you decide what to do, but you will save yourself so much hurt if you act like she died and is no longer around. If not you'll tear yourself up with suspicion and jealousy, trust me on this.


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