Why did my girlfriend dump me suddenly? Is she leading me on?

Everything seemed great. One month in she surprised me with a hotel suite, a couple of weeks later she brought over her coffee maker to leave at my house (I don't drink coffee), she would stay at my place multiple nights, she talked about weddings and a future together (I was happy to talk about it. But she always instigated the convo). I got in a car accident, and she insisted that I use her car instead of a rental, and introduced me to her mom that same week. she stayed at my house one night, everything went well, she even hung out for a while at my house when I went to work. She went home to her mom's house that weekend we talked regularly the entire time. 4 days after staying at my house, we had plans to go out, she texts me, tells me she doesn't want to go out to dinner and that I should come over her place and that she has a lot on her mind. I show up, she hugs and kisses me like normal, and doesn't bring up what's bothering her until after I ask (45 mins later). Says she isn't as happy as she thinks she should be, that I treated her better than any other guy and that she appreciated that I don't play games with her. At the end of the night, she kissed me multiple times, tells me it's going to be hard not to talk to me, and to let her know that I got home safely. We spoke a 2nd time in person, she made irrational justifications for why she did things that appeared like commitment. She again kissed me multiple times, and held my hand as I drove her home. Why would she dump me if things seemed to be going well? Why would she leave her coffee maker, spare car keys, and clothes at my house, only to dump me 4 days later? When we broke up, I asked her when she would be coming to get her stuff, she said "soon" and would let me know. It's been 2 months and she still hasn't come yet. Why would she not come get her stuff, yet tell me she would come? Is she leading me on with her actions of kissing me? Why did she appear to be committed then suddenly pull away?
She said that I put in a ton of effort and was great to her. She said that she has always hit a wall in every relationship, and that she always becomes unhappy. Her mom suggested she go to therapy, and she said she is now going. She also told me when we broke up that she "should" want to move in with me when our leases are up. She also said she wished she did therapy earlier so she would have hopefully been happier when we were together. Her longest relationship outside of me was a few months


Most Helpful Girl

  • There's no way to know her reasons for sure but the fact is whatever it was made her decide she doesn't want to be with you. We don't always understand what is going on in the other person's head and it's impossible to try to decide. We don't have control over them or their thoughts. It is what it is so it's essentially useless to try to ask why it happened. Maybe she met someone? Maybe she just isn't feeling that connection anymore? Maybe she wants to be single? There's really no way of being 100%sure so you have to take it for what it is and that is that she decided she doesn't want to be with you anymore in a romantic way. I think her kissing you is just a result of lust and confusion. She doesn't know what she wants. She might also hope that by doing that she's keeping her foot in the door for the the day it suits her needs to come back. Some people are really strange and you'll just never be able to figure them out completely.

    • But why would she promise to pick up her stuff and then never do it? Wouldn't you want your spare car keys, a coffee maker and clothes back?

      Why would she leave all of those items at my house when she could have taken them 4 days before when she was at my house while I was at work?

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    • I understand how you're feeling about it when you're trying to move. Is there no way you can return the things to her friends or can deliver it to her in some way? If communicating with her directly doesn't work then you'll just have to arrange alternative ways cause I agree that if it's holding you back then you have every right to get rid of it.

      "It also bothers me that she made all these gestures that looked like she was committed to me, then suddenly ran away. it sucks to know that you can try your best for someone, yet they run away when you try to give them what they seem to be asking for in a relationship."

      Unfortunately most people who have been dumped struggle with those feelings. I'm struggling with those feelings too. Relationships inevitably turn out 2 ways... you either stay together or you break up. People can decide at any time that they no longer see themselves fit with their partner so that's why it always blindsides the person dumped. Very seldom is a break up

    • completely mutual or where the were clear cut warning signs. There's nothing much you could have done to prevent it. In fact in your case you did everything you could and despite that she decided against it. Therefor I'll encourage you to get her things back then and finally accept the situation for what it is. There's no point in wasting precious time and energy pondering on the what if's and why's. I mean all people who were dumped by someone they loved would want to know but truth is that even the right answer will likely hurt us and we'll probably never 100% satisfied with the idea that we gave our all to someone but they didn't feel the same.

Most Helpful Guy

  • she seems problematic. i knew a gorgeous and professionally successful female doctor who has serious issues. she is 40 and still unmarried for one reason. whenever somenone is kind to her in the relationship she breaks up within months, her twisted brain is wired to like assholes that use and manipulate her and lead her on in a fbuddy relationship.. .

    • I agree that she has issues. She claimed to be going to therapy when we spoke 2 months ago. The weird thing is that she seemed to want commitment, and moved fast. I tried to stay calm and let her dictate the speed of the relationship to not scare her off. She claimed to want to be married and have kids by the time she is 34 (she just turned 31), but when we last talked, she tried to lie and say she doesn't want marriage or kids (she works with kids). She knows she was lying to me and herself when she said that. She seems to run away from the things she says she wants, and Sabotages relationships when she gets scared. All of the guys she dated before were bad guys, and emotionally unavailable. She definitely didn't know how to handle me putting her needs before my own. She said she thought about being mean to me so I'd dump her, but decided against it. It's definitely a messed up situation.

    • i dont know what to advise you. if its for the best be patient. if its not get away.

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What Guys Said 1

  • things seemed to have been going well but it was obviously her putting in the effort to try and make the relationship work on her end because d00d she flat out told you she isn't as happy as she thinks she should be, yet she was trying hard to aim for that "happiness" that she thought she should have. that's why it seemed perfect for you. the feeling was not mutual. she is expressing on the outside what she wants to feel on the inside, but it just ain't working out for her man.


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