My husband has left me after 12 years together. Why now?

My dad died 6 weeks ago and my husband has decided that he has never loved me.
He said that he has never had butterfly feelings for me or anything. This doesn't surprise me since we have only had sex twice in 8 years!
He also said he only stayed until the kids were old enough. Could all this actually be true, or is he saying it to hurt me?
also why has he picked now to do it?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Why now? There could be other reasons, but based solely on what you have told us if your marriage was already falling apart and you are now needing more support from him because of what happened to your father, he may just not be willing to give the effort of supporting you in your time of need. So instead he is just calling it quits.

    I am sorry to hear about your dad, but I think you will be happier with someone else. Your marriage didn't sound like a happy one if he wasn't even trying to have sex with you for the last 8 years. He probably loved you at one point, but I think it is very likely he has been with you because of the kids for a while now.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow, what a huge jerk to pick six weeks after you lose your dad to tell you this, and leave you. He stayed until the kids were old enough? So they're what, like maybe twelve and younger? He's clearly a buffoon because the kids are "never" old enough to be prepared or happy about their parents splitting up. If anything, it gets harder as the children get older. And not once in those 12 years he could've made you aware if he was unhappy to perhaps have the chance for you to seek professional counseling and make it better? I am so p***ed for you!
    That said, as you recognize not being intimate with your husband for eight years is not healthy in a marriage, why didn't YOU try and take the steps to try and make it better?
    You don't "decide" you never loved a person. Obviously, he asked you to marry him, and had children with you. He loved you at one point. Maybe what he was trying to say (he's obviously not the sharpest tool in the shed) is that he feels as though he was never "IN LOVE" with you. Loving someone and being in love with someone can be 2 different things to some people.
    However, some people, especially men, get to a point where they feel as though they should be married, start a family, etc, so they choose someone they feel would be good for THAT, and not necessarily good for them. (contd next post)

    • Obviously, I don't know which or if any of those could be the case. This is something that only more discussion with him, if he's willing to communicate, can reveal.
      What I do know, is that I totally understand what it is like to be a mother, finding herself facing the world alone, when she absolutely least expected to. It's hard, and scary, and all kinds of emotions, but the truth is, there is nothing else to do but pick yourself up and move forward. Turn to your family and friends for help and comfort.

    • Go down, get a legal separation going, and then go get child visitation and child support established. At this point, you need to ask yourself what YOU really want. I know it's hard, but think about whether you really want a man to be your husband that says he never loved you, and even if he was just saying this to hurt you (though why would he want to hurt you on purpose?), is a man who would do that to you good enough to be your husband?
      I wish you and your children the best, I hope everything goes okay for you all! Take care!

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • It sounds like he may have something on the side... just a thought. Either that or he's having a mid-life crisis and doesn't know what to do with himself to the exclusion of everything else that should be important to him.

  • He waited until he found someone else.


What Girls Said 1

  • Twice in eight years? There is no way he could have gone without sex for that long. Especially if he says he never loved you. I am sorry. It must be a tough blow. But maybe for the best, if he didn't love you. Better for u i mean. Focus on ur boyfriend children and also, urself more, maybe find a new love interest. U might b ready, since jt seems u were being neglected love all this years. My sincerest best wishes. Good luck

    • I didn't write boyfriend. I meant to say beautiful children. What happened? Sorry

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