Does he not want a relationship or not want a relationship with me?

I was seeing a guy for about three months. From the very begginning he said that he wanted to play the field for the last year and a Half of college. I didn't want a relationship either so we talked on the phone every night for a month and a half before we started seeing each other in person when I came back for school. I've met his family, his friends, he takes me on dates, he's always there for me, there is no sex involved, he's consistent, and he seemed like he was genuinely interested in me. When I asked him where this was going he said that he could see himself marrying me and having kids with me in the future but as for now he still really didn't want a relationship even though we pretty much are in one. I thanked him for his honesty and cut him off since now I want a relationship and he didn't. Whenever guys tell me they don't want a relationship I assume they just don't want one with me but he seemed genuinely interested in me. Was this him just not wanting a relationship or was he just not that into me?


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's a definition thing. He sees "relationship" differently than you. He doesn't see you two going out and playing as one, he just sees it more as friends (not friend zone) but more. When he says he doesn't want a relationship it means he isn't ready to get tied down yet. Give him time.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Honestly, most of the time, it's you. When they meet someone who turns the key, suddenly they are ready.

    I have heard all of the excuses over the years. "It's not you, it's me. I just need some space right now. I just got out of a long term. . . blah, blah, blah."

    In my experience, this is usually a smoke screen. When they want you, they want you.

    • But do you think with everything that he was doing that he wasn't interested in me? I to have used the whole excuse line but when I use it I'm not pouring myself into a person 100% like he was pouring himself into me

    • Well, you make a solid point. No one wastes time where they have no interest. There is only one way to find out. Pursue the relationship. What is the worst that can happen? If you get rejected, you dust yourself off and try again with someone more viable.

  • Well you said it yourself that you liked his honesty, so where is the confusion, someone not wanting a relationship for now and never wanting a relationship ever is totally different, they are two very different things so there should be no confusion for you. Why do you assume like that? He has made it clear that for now he doesnt' want a relationship but in future he may want one, and he even made it clear to you and went as far as marriage, so there shouldn't be any doubt. However if you want a relationship now, then you should forget about him, because you don't know how long you will have to wait, it could be 5, 7, 10 , 15 or even 20 years and moreover what is the guarantee that he will remain single until then, right? Hence forget about him and carry on with your life, your thinking is different than his, so look for a guy whose thinking matches to yours. I am sure you'll find many such guys.


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