Guys, I don't know what to do?

when I was away at college I met this guy who was a total sweetheart. He treated me like no other guy has ever treated me in my life. he would do just about anything to be with me but he was a little too clingy and needy that's what kind of turned me off about him. I kinda didn't mind because I knew he ment well. but I never felt the same way he did. I feel bad because I know he really likes me but I don't feel the same way. and now he is trying to be with me so bad and I'm not even in college anymore. so I guess my question is how can I tell him without hurting him that I don't want to be with him? I know it sounds horrible because I did lead him on but it was only because I liked the idea of someone liking and/or loving me so much. but now I don't know what to do and I don't want to hurt him, he deserves better than that. and now I just feel so guilty somebody please help me.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • What I would have appreciated if I were him is that the person I liked talked to me. So what I think you should do is ask if you could meet him and then talk about it. Just sit and talk for a while and explain the situation and let him express his own feelings. Talk about why it wouldn't work out and why he shouldn't feel bad about it, if he is a good guy he will surely find someone as well.

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    • I thought about doing that but I'm so bad at hurting people and. I don't want to see the look on his face when I tell him that I don't like him anymore or never did. I mean how do you tell somebody that? I did have some feelings for him, just not the same way he feels for me.

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    • you're so right I guess this has to happen I just thought I was being a good person I never wanted to be like one of those girls who don't give a guy a chance, you know. I see too many times, women just don't give a guy the time and day but I wanted to be different. but I have made my bed so I MUST laying in it. thank you for all of your help. you've made it a little easier to do.

    • You don't have to thank me. :)
      I am more than happy to help out and I am really happy to hear that you're not like so many other girls are. That's why I'd help you out in any way I can just to make it easier for you. I can understand how hard it is and is going to be for both of you but please just don't blame all of this on yourself. You might have been leading him on in the start and that you have no one else to blame for, but he is also the one who went into it knowing that he'd probably only get hurt in the end. You will both come out of this as better humans, knowing that this has only been a bump in the road. A road to a better and happier life.
      And hey, if you ever feel like you'd need to talk to someone I'd be more than happy to talk. :)

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What Guys Said 5

  • I can understand and yes being clingy, being too needy these are not the quality that impresses people, be it anyone guy or the girl , these qualities are a turnoff, so I can understand how it must be for you. Yes you were right, if you understood him you shouldn't have led him on, you knew that was bothering you, right? I don't think you can say that without hurting him, unless you want to lie to him, you don't want to, right? so it's okay just be polite, yet firm and honest in your decision and let him he deserves better. You can also point out his clingy nature, to him but in a very polite him, let him know how it has affected you, so that he won't repeat the mistake with someone else, then you can part ways with him in a good way. However you can't do that without hurting him, whether you are polite or not, a rejection is a rejection and it hurts so that you can't help. Yes he will be hurt, but in time and depends on how strong he is, he will recover.

    I want to make another point here. I am sure everyone has their drawbacks, every type of guy that you meet, or will meet will have some drawbacks, flaws, for example the type of guy you mentioned, though he was a sweet guy but he had a drawback right? so in future what I would suggest is spot the negative points, the drawbacks in a guy as early as you can and take the decision whether that is acceptable to you or not, if not then make it clear to the other person before you start the relationship itself, don't try to change yourself or compromise with the nature of the other person, it doesn't work like that and it's a very bad idea to do so. Just remember this point.

    Good luck

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    • Well when we first started talking I told him i didn't really like him the same way he liked me. But he insisted I try, so I did. But he was literally always around and I told him I needed space but he wouldn't listen. Don't get me wrong I know I shouldn't have led him on but I thought i was giving him a chance. And you are right. I guess I can't do this without hurting him somehow. smh

    • Exactly!, so you know what you did, so just be careful next time, I think you had tried because he wanted you to, and to tell you honestly that's never a good idea, going against your will despite knowing its not right, but I can understand you didn't want to hurt a nice guy, anyways just remember be honest and tell your limitations and standards (if you have any) to any guy you may meet in future so that you don't repeat the same mistakes.

    • You are right. This is deff a learning experience. I guess i was tired of my friends telling me i never give guys a chance. I just dont know how to tell him. That's the worse part

  • Be direct an honest. Tell him your relationship with him is purely on a friend level, you don't find sexually attractive and while you appreciate his gesture of affection towards you @ this present time you don't feel you are in state of your life that you can reciprocate these feelings back to him.

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    • that's easier said than done. I don't want to hurt him but I feel like saying all of that might break his heart.

  • You are daft. Have you read any of the posts on here? Half the girls I know want YOUR life so their biggest problem is having a guy who is absolutely stuck on them.

    Have you thought about the obvious solution? Learn to appreciate him.

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    • I have and I do. But I can't keep pretending to like him in that way. It's driving me crazy

    • Plus i tried to like him but i just dont feel the same way. I like as a good friend.

  • I don't know either.

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    • that was no help. so why comment?

  • whatever you do won't matter worth a damn. he found someone who he could be himself around and who just lead him aroud like a puppy on a string... he'll be destroyed. you wanna know the worst part?

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    • I did not do that! I never intended to hurt him. I tried to feel something for him but couldn't.

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    • and because of that, you got this problem.

    • Thank you captain obvious

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