How to break loniless and depression?

Lot my career and my girlfriend.. I'm 22 years old and I don't have really anyone to talk to about things. I have two or three friends I'll go out occasionally have a talk with but honestly this loneliness is driving me nuts. I'm going back to school but I really feel if this continues I'm going tk just be stuck as the weird guy for ever. I have absolutely no confidence at all. And I don't know if I can play it off well as for faking it. I have no idea how people precieve me at this point. Been in a major depression for 4 almost 5 months now. My birthday is coming up and honestly I don't know if I'm going to do anything. I miss sex too my god.. this is eating at me.. feel like I'm going crazy. How do I break this and get out.. I'm not improving at all. Don't want to get on meds.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Well you should start by trying to get out of your depression. You can go to a therapist or just get out of your head. Most of your problems might go away if you didn't think so much because thinking can honestly make things worst. Try getting out. Instead of going out to meet girls or have sex. Go out to enjoy yourself , do something fun you haven't done in a while that genuinely brings you happiness. Work on yourself first. Women will still be around but having sex with strangers won't make your loneliness go away it honestly might make it worst. So spend sometime doing things for yourself , as you get " happier" I guess the term would be, you might start gaining confidence. From there work upwards and don't be devastated by rejections , it's just life. Just keep your hope no matter what.

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    • I want to do some things but literally have no one to do them with. Recently started talking with this old hs friend but she just gives me bad vibes all the time. I know she'd be down with the stuff I wanna do thi

    • If she gives you bad vibes , I'd trust those vibes and steer clear. Ok then go do them by yourself , you never know. You could make a friend of two. But you have to put yourself out there. No one ever made friends by sitting in a corner by themselves , engulfed in a bubble. It gives off a "I don't want to be bothered " vibe.

What Guys Said 1

  • Depression is a hard one... because it's emotionally draining, it paints everything you see with a sad brush, it demotivates us to make any changes, it promotes isolation, and overtime it because a biological imbalance as well. So ya, you're in a bad situation.

    What depression is also doing is taking away you're perspective. From where you are everything seems horrible. Like you're in a damp dark basement with no windows. From that room how can you possibly tell if it's a nice day outside or not?

    The number one way to help escape depression is to connect with others who are NOT depressed. Because it helps us feel less burdened when we share, and it helps us see a new perspective that we can't create for ourselves.

    I recognize that you've said you're lacking the kind of friends you feel comfortable enough connecting with regarding your feelings and such. And that's a shame. This is why it's SOOO important to maintain deep friendships, especially when married or with a significant girlfriend... it's these social networks that save us when the chips are down. It's a safety net.

    You're best first steps should be:
    1) A desire to want to change your situation. If you don't WANT to make any changes to your situation... if you just want to pout and complain, then there's not much anyone can do for you.

    2) Be willing to ask for help. Starting with this site is great first step! Reach out to other posters who seems to have the insights you kinda need. But you also should consider any counselling you can find! Maybe it'll be free through school, or church, or social support systems... I'm not sure. Or just pay for it if you can afford it. But find it. Get support asap.

    3) Practice self care. This means going out of your way to extra nice and gentle with yourself while you mourn your loses and slowly find your footing again. If you're beating yourself all the time you'll never escape depression.

    4) Start reading. Here are three amazing books that helped me with my depression:
    Feeling Good by David Burns
    Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman
    The Four Agreements By Don Ruiz

    Depression is mostly a thinking problem, although it can become a chemical imbalance problem over time... but start with your mind. Reading and becoming educated on how your own brain works will immediately help you to regain control and feelings of optimism!

    I hope this helps!

    ~ Robby

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    • This is really good. Thanks for the feedback. I do want to make an effort and keep trying.. you mentioned the biological imbalances over time.. is it curable without medication. How does it lead to that?

    • There's a great course clip where a doctor breaks down the causes of a problem into three parts:
      Biology, Psychology, And Stress.

      Biology needs meds. This is your brain's hardware. You can't fix hardware with different software.

      Psychology problems are about your style, and can be fixed with education or therapy. It's like your software.

      Stress outside your boundaries is about your environment and how you interpret it. The cure is you making a decision about the stress.

      Here's the video clip where he explains it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltCRFssYP0E

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