Boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me at the end of October. I had been pushing him away for some time, and I'm not sure why. I couldn't believe it when he was the one who broke up with me. I thought it was something that I wanted but could never do. He wanted me in his life as a friend, so we tried, but it was too hurtful being just friends so I told him I needed some time. I then did not have any contact with him for nearly 2 months. I finally contacted him and went to his house to drop something off for him. We talked and laughed and when I left, I told him he was my best friend and I missed him. He started to tear up when I was leaving. I want to get him his Christmas present, something that only I could give him, since I know him so well. And I want to write him a card that tells him everything I feel for him and how baldy I want this to work. Is this a good idea or bad? I've tried the no contact thing but I'm getting more and more depressed about the situation and I want to fight to the death for our relationship. I actually believe he is the love of my life, I just needed some time to realize that.
Most Helpful Girl
I would typically say to "move on" and do something that helps your self-esteem so that you are not identifying with "needing" him so much, to help with closure.
However, since you said you went over there and it was a great connection, I recommend that you call him.
Don't go over there.
Don't buy him anything.
Don't leave him a message or write a letter.
Just call him and talk to him.
Ask him about his current feelings, and if the recent visit sparked anything in him.
Doing this over the phone will allow him the distance to be able to decline your advances without embarrassing you, and would probably give you a more truthful answer than saying it in front of him, and him lying to you, to protect your feelings.
If you feel you might get tongue-tied...write down what you want to say, but don't say it like a speech.
Ask him specifically if he would like to reconnect as either friends or a boyfriend relationship.
LET HIM ANSWER.
If he dances around it, and says things like "well...I don't know..." and other non-committal phrases, then he is trying to spare your feelings, but is not interested.
If he definitely says YES, I'd like to try again, or MAYBE, let's start as friends, or some other specific comment that invites you to be together, then this could be the start of a 2nd chance.
HOWEVER...begging him, or pleading with him to try again and offering to be different "this time" is only going to delay a break up in the future. It's so sad, and I'm so sorry to say this (because I've been on this end of being dumped) but if he isn't feeling the same way you are, you will forever be trying to make him love you, and you deserve more than that. It is an unfullfilling existence, which will make you depressed, frustrated and angry.
Good relationships DO need to be managed, but shouldn't be forced. If he is NOT the one, it will be very rewarding for you when you find the right guy, who can't wait to be with you, and loves you for who you are, everyday. If you spend your time focused on the wrong one, you will miss these opportunities.
Best of luck.3