How do I stop my 4 yr old from thinking the breakup is his fault?


My ex broke up with me almost 5 months ago and has already gotten married. Him and I have a 4 yr old who we have 50/50 custody of. He goes to dad's house for a week and then mine a week. The thing I am noticing is that sometimes he will talk to himself and will be saying how he wants his dad to come and live here and how it's his fault. I always reassure him that none of this is his fault.

His dad and i were never married but lived together. Dad was abusive and as long as I was "taking" it, it was okay but when I started having independence is when dad started pulling away until he just up and left. I found out that he had married. The relationship that I had with him was a very whirl wind kind of relationship where we got engaged in months and it wasn't long before I got pregnant. He then had me to move out of state with him and that's when I saw the real him.

What can I do to reassure my son. I have also noticed since the seperation, that when my son gets upset and cries he will Pinch his cheeks and inflict pain on himself. He never did this before.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sit him down, and tell him that you love him no matter what, and it is never his fault that you and his dad broke up. But have you considered the fact that his dad might be contributing to this. If he was abusive to you, he might be mentally abusing him too. That might be where he learned to pinch his cheek. I would also recommend therapy. While it may seem like it won't help because he is so young, it can. I have seen plenty of young kids go to therapy, and if he is starting to hurt himself, he needs help. Just sit him down and tell him that sometimes mommy and daddy are not meant to stay together. But if I were you I would be wary of his father or even his wife, might be making him think this, and showing him to hurt himself for it.

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What Guys Said 2

  • When your ex turns up to collect him tell him to come in and sit down both of you and explain that it's not his fault do it together as friendly as possible. Poor kid I hope you get this worked out I also hope there's no bad mouthing each other in his presence.
    Good luck

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  • Tell him cut his shit out or you will takehis toys away.

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