How can I stop thinking about my ex?

This is really starting to piss me off. Every day, within minutes of waking up or going to sleep, he pops into my head. Doing things completely unrelated to him, he pops into my head. Driving in the sun, enjoying music, he pops into my head. Even when I was up until midnight trying to finish a sudoku, he randomly popped into my head (I failed the sudoku). I saw him driving the other day and it ruined my whole day and mood, I wanted to cry.

We broke up months ago and he has a girlfriend (which is his "favourite" ex girlfriend) which I believe is a rebound. I don't cry over him anymore, but this is starting to annoy me. It puts a huge dampner on my mood and can make me just want to curl up in bed. This really doesn't help my depression and there seems to be nothing I can do about it seeing as nothing triggers the thoughts.

What's wrong with me? How can I stop these random intrusive thoughts?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Try to keep busy. Or put a rubber band on your wrist. Every time you think of him, snap it. The light sting will train your mind that thoughts of him don't feel good. You eventually will think less & less of him.

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    • That's actually a great idea. My counsellor gave me this idea before, for other reasons but I never thought of using it for this situation. Thanks! :)

    • Sure thing! :)

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What Guys Said 7

  • "What's wrong with me?" Nothing wrong with, you haven't broken up with him for decades, they are only a couple of months so your feelings and emotions are normal after a break up, a break up isn't easy even if you don't love your partner anymore, my brother broke up with his wife 2 months ago and he can't get her out of his mind, sometimes he acts like a crazy when he remembers her.

    "How can I stop these random intrusive thoughts?" find a new boyfriend or busy yourself as much as possible, and most importantly, get the idea that there is something wrong with your feelings out of your mind, I assume this will help you.

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  • Unravel the puzzle, rather than fighting it.

    Why can't you stop thinking about your ex? What would having him give you? Why is it so bad that he's with this girl?

    I'm not asking for a conceptual answer which your mind has cobbled together in a flash. Ask yourself this question, and then let it go, let it sit. The answer will come to you in good time, if you keep on asking yourself it, gently.

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  • I think the best thing to do is to make yourself remember the good things about your relationship, whenever you think about him. Try to get the emotions out of the thoughts... that will help relax you.
    And try to learn to know someone, focusing your mind on someone you love will help you leave the other story behind you :D

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  • Nothing can be done here. The more you will try to forget, the more you will remember.
    Two ways :-
    #1. Have a rebound or a new boyfriend
    #2. Find a way to bring him back.

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    • I tried everything to bring him back but he doesn't want anything to do with me. I don't want to be as weak as him and have a rebound.

    • Show All
    • He is playing games and won't come back as long as he gets it enough. Currently, he's really very happy and enjoying the change. No doubt, he still cares for you from inside but he won't show it because then the patch up would be a but necessary and he don't want it because he has everything on his fingertips.

      So you can't try someone else?

    • I'm trying to move on. I've been invited for a drink with a 23 year old scientist. It's just these intrusive thoughts are starting to bug me. I didn't have these a few weeks ago!

  • Time and truly getting over him
    You lost someone who you gave a lot too, "Your other half" now that you lost that you must work on becoming a stronger individual

    Find a new passion, and he will slowly fade from your thoughts
    Once you stop thinking about him as much find a new lover and he will preoccupy all your thoughts

    Good luck breaking up is hard

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  • Well, first look up co-dependent.
    Then delete all his contact information. Don't take his calls. Don't write him.
    Go to the gym and do the things you used to like.
    Find a new guy who is a better fit and let time take its course. Most remorse won't last longer then 9 months. That is how long your brain will hang onto an image of a guy maxx. After that it fades. (Interesting that it is 9 months, huh?)

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    • It's not co-dependency at all. I can live happily alone. We had a good, long relationship but he broke my heart in so many ways. I've never felt so hurt/betrayed/deceived in my life. I ended up on meds and in counselling.
      I deleted his number a while ago and he refuses to talk to me even though I've never done anything to hurt him.
      Hopefully. :(

  • By hating him that he left you

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What Girls Said 4

  • I'm sorry to hear that! First off I don't think anything is wrong with you. Relationship endings unfourtantly can take a while to get completely over or to stop thinking about that person. Make sure not to force yourself to not think about him cause he will probably come up in your mind that much stronger lol. For now just get into something that you literally can't think about anything else while your doing it at least for a while. Like a sport or what not! I hope you take my advice, and it helps you out a bit. I've been there before too :)

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    • Ah I know. I have thought about the "white bear theory" so I've been avoiding it. I do just try to live day to day, but at the most random and least expected of times, he pops into my mind and it's really annoying and like I said, it instantly upsets me. The sport I did and enjoyed, is where I met him and he now owns the business too. It's also quite costly. Thanks for the advice. :)

  • um.. give yourself time. With time things really start to become clear. Make a list of his pros and cons if he stayed with you. If cons are more then move on and if pros are more try to get him back, if possible.

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  • What worked for me was getting good and angry at him. I wanted him back so bad, he was all I could think about. Then, I asked myself why. I have no family, so I'm pretty much alone, he left me that way because he got butthurt over something stupid. That pisses me of, screw him.

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  • well there is not much too say, if he has a girlfriend now then my advice would be to move on. I know its not as easy as it sounds, guess u just miss having him around.

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