Could you ever really move on if your ex killed themselves?

Friend going through it she broke his heart and made him believe that he wasn't worth it anymore. He lost his career that same week. He ended up shooting himself 5 months after the breakup right before his brithday. He wrote a suicide note on his Facebook apologizing to everyone but was just saying there's no place for him and there's no purpose in living when he doesn't have the ability to feel happy or any pleasure. My friend is a wreck. She left him saying he won't make enough m on new for him.. all these lies to hurt him. This was her first love and she had no idea he was capable of this for he seemed so social and outgoing. I don't know what to tell her.

Updates:
Her mom is also heartless she said good when she found out the news.. she was under the impression that he was abusive but I knew the guy and he wasn't. She doesn't know if she should go to the funeral or not.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • "First, do no harm". Maybe this lesson will teach her that she should practice kindness towards others. But she is ultimately not responsible for anyone's well being other than her own (and young children, of course, if she has any). If he committed suicide he likely suffered from depression and other mental health issues. Even the best doctors, along with impressive combinations of therapy and prescription drugs, can't always prevent suicide. So she should try not to feel guilty. She can move on, and will be a stronger and more watchful person. A support group would really help her, I think. Being surrounded by other people who have been through what you are going through helps immensely.

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What Girls Said 5

  • She lied to him which could have contributed to his depression (and I'm betting most definitely). I don't think I could. Which is why I try not to lie in these types of situations.

    And I don't think her mother is heartless at all. If she feels the guy is abusive, of course a loving mother would feel that way. It doesn't matter if you feel differently--the mother had a negative perception of him which justified her beliefs to me.

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  • Whats done is done, there is nothing you or your friend can do about the situation. She needs to realize this. Feeling guilty about her last words to him are understandable, they certainly weren't very nice. She needs to accept that, truly feel sorry for it, and definitely learn from it. There isn't really any way to stop the hurt of losing someone this way. It will take her some time, but eventually the pain will lessen and she will be able to go out and live her life again. As long as she has support she will be fine. I wish you and your friend the very best.

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  • I think your friend would profit from talking to a psychotherapist or psychiatrist. In the meantime give her all the support you can. Tell her it's not her fault or her actions that made her ex commit suicide. She can't be held responsible for someone else's weakness!!

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  • I can't help you. But I know my boyfriend just tried to commit suicide a few nights ago. And its hard that I'm not with him right now. And its sad.

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  • that's a tragic story, she wouldn't have been able to have guessed that this would happen, so she shouldn't blame herself in any way.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Tell her its not her fault, and that she shouldn't feel guilt for his actions
    She did what was best for her at the the time and made the right choice
    He couldnt handle his life anymore, and it has nothing to do with her

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    • He did say in the letter to not blame herself for he had a lot of issues andnit time she will learn to accept that. But I don't know if she ever will.

    • damn thats tense
      just listen to her and be supportive thats all you can do
      In a few weeks buy her flowers, right her a nice note if she still feels depressed or sad
      Let her know how amazing and wonderful she is

  • to be honest, she does deserve to suffer. She can get past the pain. However, she should feel morally responsible for his death.

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    • I mean obviously he issues before this..

    • Show All
    • Had issues

    • ah okay, thanks for clarifying that up. Well, if she instigated his current situation (before his death) then she should be held responsible. If she knew he would be devastated by what she said, then she should have never said that.
      One does not walk up to a depressed person and say "Your life is meaningless, go die" and then expect them to somehow become a better person. Like bullying someone because they are fat, but your intentions are to toughen them up so they make that change in their life. You don't do that. Simple as that.

      Granted this guy had psychological issues which your friend knew about at the time. Her intentions were to hurt him. Which she did. Her actions put into place a ripple effect of negative situations for this guy.

  • I think she could move on

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  • I don't think I could if my ex took her life.

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  • She was a cunt and is feeling the repercussions. Don't know what to tell you to say to her. She's just going to have to live with it.

    But if she's really that callous, I'm sure she'll get over it.

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