How do I break up with a guy that I still care for? Is that what needs to be done based on what just happened?

I'm 20; he's 29. We met a week & a half ago. The first date we clicked & got along unbelievably well. The following 3 nights we saw each other again & again & again. We were both so smitten. I honestly thought I finally met a man who I can see myself with & love. Our personalities are close to the same; we have the same viewpoint on life. I mean, just a wonderful connection that I personally have never felt. He said the same, even though he was married before for 6 years and now divorced. He has told his family and friends about me- half of them think it's a mistake. I told him that it's alright, I'm looking for something serious, that I've been waiting for someone like him (a week ago I genuinly believed this). I honestly thought we were a match made in heaven, and I convinced him of it too. He's the kid in his family who everyone thinks messed up his life, and I felt good to bring some happiness and fulfillment to his life.

However, 3 days ago on a date he got super irritable because he couldn't have alcohol, &was trying to quit smoking. But he caved in& smoked. Throughout the evening he had outbursts of anger at others and himself. He picked fights with me and didn't value my presence at all. The next day we saw each other it was the same. I wanted to end it then and there but I thought I should think about it (and I told him I was having second thoughts because of our age).
So today we talked it over (what we want in a relationship, how this may or May not work, etc) and agreed to give it a go.
However, when I was with him today the spark just died. Whatever beat my heart was dancing to last week has completely withered. I find myself bored with him, annoyed at certain things, his anger kind of scares me; he keeps trying to have sex with me, etc. I don't know how it's possible that my opinion of him changed so drastically overnight. I still care about him & I don't know what to tell him. I feel so bad bc he has spent much $ on me, mentally he is sold that I'm the one.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Better Now to find out what he is all about here, dear, than to be in a Real Relationship with him down the fine wine line and Discover... Completely withered.
    These are all the sure signs of a Raised Red flag and thank goodness, you know now. Tell him you don't think it best right now to get into a Real relationship at this time, that maybe you Were jumping the gun some and that you just want to be friends.
    Never mind what this schmo 'Spent' on you... What's important is that you didn't have to pay a heavy price yourself in in your own life with strife.
    Good luck. xx

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    • Agreed, thank you! It's something I definitely have to end sooner rather than later.

    • Smart cookie, sweetie. xxoo

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What Guys Said 4

  • And all that in just 7-10 days?

    I'd suggest you to pass, dear. He is not psychologically stable enough yet to have something with a girl like you - you're not a one night stander, as far as you showed us here.

    Let the angry bird chirp at someone else's ears.

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    • Right? And I keep telling him to slowww down and he agrees but doesn't. It's getting out of hand.

  • Others have already said this, but you're probably best to break it off. You may be seeing glimpses of the real person. It's also possible he's stressed and/or pressured, but that doesn't excuse his behavior.

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  • Try to know what he is really like.. . Good or bad. Ask him why he behaved so and do u really want to break up... If u do this now it will be easier but it will surely hurt him. And if u take some time to leave him after then... It will hrt u both... So chose well

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  • "Yo. Goodbye Brad."

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What Girls Said 3

  • The thing is u are thinking all this stuff by urself and haven't even been straightforward about it with him (u lied and said that the problem was age difference). If u really want to see if there is really something there, u should have a serious honest talk with him. I bet that last weeks incident still lingers on ur mind and that is affecting ur perception of him. Thats why the spark has momentarily died. If after that u still find issues in ur relationship, then yeah follow ur gut (always) and move on.

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    • It definitely is, but im not sure if the spark will reappear because I think I see him for what he is..

  • That's already a bad sign, who ever says that on the third day? He sounds like a persuasive salesman. Be glad he showed his true colours before it gets awkward to find out in other unpleasant scenario.

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    • He really does. He keeps using lines too and I feel their fakeness now. This just really stinks.

    • All da shit comes flowing out of his mouth 👄

  • Maybe just give it to him straight. Like you don't like how he's been acting. And hey, if he decides to be an asshole when you say that then there's no loss cause you were going to end it anyway :). So maybe just talk to him, and if he goes off just end it

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