Boyfriend is very suddenly no longer in love?

My boyfriend of over a year recently broke up with me claiming to no longer be in love with me. This comes as such a shock to me as just days earlier he was saying he was scared to lose me and how I was his world. He even wrote me a page long messege of every reason why he loved me. We had been planning on moving in together and now suddenly this happens. He says he loves me so much and cares about me more than he can explain though but I deserve better.

We've bickered a bit recently but only over petty things it would always end with us making up and laughing about it. I feel like because the honey moon phase has died down that's he's confusing that with falling out of love yet what we had was a much deeper love and not the same thrill of first meeting. We always got along like a house on fire, people envied our relationship and he always said his future lied with me.
We've both been really unhappy in our jobs and he's recently lost close family members. I feel we have both let lifes downs get in the way of us being happy as a couple. The day we broke up I asked him if he never saw me again would that make him happy? And he said don't be so bloody stupid. He didn't drop of any of my belongings so I still have to go and collect them. My mind is so confused..
I've given him space and haven't contacted him for a week since it happened, I need to go and collect my clothes from his house at some point and was thinking of writing a letter to him as he never let me talk he just snapped. Not to confess my undying love or anything just to say why I believe it got to this stage and take some responsibility. Remind him that before life got in the way we was so happy?


Most Helpful Guy

  • He's depressed and wants to be alone to think. He's lost direction in his life and needs to find the meaning of life.

    • I believe he is too.. He lost two family members within weeks of each other. Which has undoubtedly left him questioning everything, but he's pushed away the one person who always had his back, his best friend and sole mate as he called me.

    • We always hurt the people most close to us when we are hurt. He is just really really down right now. I wouldn't even pick my stuff up

Most Helpful Girl

  • Same thing happened to me. I questioned myself for days, here's what I came up with. First, he lost close family members. That surely must have taken a toll on him. He's afraid of losing another person close to him, that's why he can get defensive. And often, getting defensive backfires and resulted in pushing away the ones who love and care for you. Since you guys have been quarreling recently, it's no surprise that now he'll try to push you away since he is afraid of losing another person, so he'll rather let you go now (and probably in his mind, he wants you to find someone better. No guy likes having their gurl quarrel with them. It makes them feel inadequate) and suffer all the pain at once. Let him have some alone time, don't question him too much, but be concerned. Tell him that you understand what he is going through, and that you do not wish to give up a future with him. Good luck dear.

    • Thank you for your advice it was strangly comforting. He did say to me he wants to do this now before he hurts me anymore. I can't help but think my words pushed him away, I said I was unhappy with him and was questioning us after he was horrible to me a couple days before he left me. But he reassured me that I was his world, cares about no one else but me and we would make it work.

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    • I wish it was that easy, he broke up with me and said he was no longer in love, needed to sort his head out. I don't know how to win him back unfortunately.. I wish I did. That's why I was going to write a letter to explain how I feel and acceit some responsibility. It pains me that the last text I had from him on the day we broke up was that he wanted to die and had no idea what he was doing. :(

    • Well, nothing is easy. I wished I know what guys are thinking.. they can actually say something and not mean it which gets totally confusing. Till today I still dare not approach my ex because of what he said, that "we won't happen again". It takes time to win him back I guess. There'll still be hope as long as you try, or so I believe.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Something happened. That is not normal behavior. I can't say what, but there's more to the story.

    • I believe there is too.. The trouble is I don't think I'll ever get the answer. I feel like he's pushing me away because he's unhappy in life and can't face trying to make me happy. He's being cruel to be kind.

    • Sorry to say, I'm going to have to agree. And maybe it's for the best. It sounds like he needs to get himself together, and it'll take some time. Relationships are work; it's probably just a little too much for him to take at the moment.

  • He found someone else sounds like it

    • That's not the case.. I'm very close to his housemate and they would tell me. Apparently he's just been moping around.

    • No reason to flat out dump someone cause one is moping... the point of soon you love being in tour life is to help you through times of need... just like the ones you mentioned he went through

What Girls Said 3

  • ... We had been planning on moving in together and now this suddenly happens...
    With some writing on the wall and all, Just a thought to throw your way, perhaps he grew cold duck, is giving you lame duck excuses because he is Not... Raring nor ready to be two birds of a feather under the same roof, nestled in a nest just yet.
    With being together for 'Over a year' here, dear, I feel you both have stuck it out, conquered a lot and even have laughed and kissed and made up at times.
    However, like a nervous groom soon to lose his freedom, this one may have bowed out trying to be Gracious and it has led to a sour south ending.
    Go over, telling him you want to 'Collect' and while you are at it... Collect your thoughts with him and have a sit down and try and find out if you both can somehow get on the same page.
    Good luck. xx

  • I'm kind of in the same situation. My ex and I broke up about 3 weeks ago because he said he's not in love with me anymore but he acted like it. So i think he's just confused right now as well. Give it time. That's all we can do.

    • I just can't believe that's true in my case.. I believe he thinks being 'in love' is the honey moon phase and that should never end, he's always been one to chase extreme highs and now we've got a content happy relationship he misses that falling in love feeling.

    • If he says he's done. He's done. Don't be delusional l, you'll drive yourself insane

  • people fall in and out of love quickly ALL the time. sucks but its true.


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